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Neil Gaiman: How To Talk To Girls At Parties

neilgaiman.com — A friend had told Vic about a party, and Vic was determined to go whether I liked it or not, and I didn't. But my parents were away that week at a conference, and I was Vic's guest at his house, so I was trailing along beside him. They're just girls," said Vic. "They don't come from another planet."

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  • BobSutan, on 01/11/2008, -145/+12Meh. For real workable advice check out The Game and Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss. I also highly recommend Magic Bullets and Mehow's Get the Girl.
    • danguyf, on 01/11/2008, -4/+86Didn't even bother to read it, eh?
      • BobSutan, on 01/11/2008, -54/+2Sounded too much like me going to a party in my AFC days.
        • zeitgueist, on 01/11/2008, -3/+7What?
        • Luminoth, on 01/11/2008, -2/+48If you had bothered to read it, you'd realize how big an ass you're making of yourself.
        • NotOptium, on 01/11/2008, -6/+11It's "Game" lingo for Average Frustrated Chump, (ie. anyone who hasn't read the game and hasn't branded themselves as a "pickup artist").
          • BobSutan, on 01/19/2008, -1/+1The Game is only the tip of the iceberg. Rules of the Game, Mehow's Get the Girl & Infield Exposed, Magic Bullets, and Venusian Arts Handbook just to name a few. This is the stuff men fail to teach their sons. It's so much more than looking someone in the eye and having a good firm handshake. It also leads people to flounder through life staying in unfulfilled relationships because they fear they'll never get a significant other as good as the one they have.
        • Tiak, on 01/11/2008, -1/+4Did a lot of traveling back then, did you?
        • oxala75, on 01/11/2008, -2/+8still a loser, with or without a book.
          frustrated chump cologne doesn't wash off with a library card.
      • jackieshmackie, on 01/12/2008, -4/+3TL;DR
    • RedReplicant, on 01/11/2008, -3/+59The point of the article: you missed it.
    • Thater, on 01/11/2008, -4/+72Wow, I don't know what's stupider... thinking that a hugo-award nominated short story was an advice peice, or suggesting people read The Game for "real workable advice"

      either way, you lose at life.
    • NotOptium, on 01/11/2008, -2/+16^^ What they said. Also: ***** the game.
    • Thater, on 01/11/2008, -6/+16Wow, I don't know what's worse... thinking that a hugo-award nominated short story was an advice piece, or suggesting people read The Game for "real workable advice"
      • Thater, on 01/11/2008, -1/+7oops, wonky comment system said the first post didn't exist when I clicked edit... oh well.
    • nodong, on 01/11/2008, -1/+7There's no hope for you.
    • Nowaiman, on 01/12/2008, -5/+4Wow, I don't know what's worse... thinking that a hugo-award nominated short story was an advice piece, or suggesting people read The Game for "real workable advice"
      • krete, on 01/12/2008, -2/+6Nowaiman, you just copy and pasted Thater's comment exactly...
    • nosyt, on 01/12/2008, -1/+3Ha, you fail, ***** loser. Stop trying to be a little hipster with your wannabe pimp books.
  • umbepo, on 01/11/2008, -54/+15that is a COOL story. i dont get it much, but his writing style is badass. too bad it's not as popular as on "other" social news sites
  • Edkim, on 01/11/2008, -129/+129Bury me now, slaves.
  • BrettFromTibet, on 01/11/2008, -99/+11I went to the BEST partylast night... 70% girls... great ones, good fun. Loved it. Now I'm back on Digg.

    d'oh!
  • cmccool, on 01/11/2008, -7/+54what is interesting about this story is the fact that we learn more about "talking to girls" from Enn than Vic.
    • Tiak, on 01/11/2008, -2/+3...I guess... "Never go after the ones that want to change you", eh?...
      • keeganspeck, on 01/12/2008, -0/+9More like, "They make no ***** sense"
      • samgab, on 01/12/2008, -1/+4or: "Never go after the ones that are from another planet. They don't like it if you get frisky..."
  • Jebbica, on 01/11/2008, -8/+35I love Neil Gaiman! He cracks me up.
  • EvilAnimator, on 01/11/2008, -8/+311"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
    • koven, on 01/11/2008, -3/+18Get your coat, I've got a knife.
    • Canadian0207, on 01/11/2008, -1/+5hey, where did you get that quote from?
      • elislider, on 01/12/2008, -0/+24its widely known as the #1 best pickup line
    • desmondregan, on 01/12/2008, -1/+3after reading this comment string this is the truest laugh i've had in weeks
    • chungmaster, on 01/12/2008, -0/+26"Hey want to play the rape game?"
      "No..."
      "Awesome. That's a great start."
  • kingofinternet, on 01/11/2008, -56/+24that's the last time i take girl advice from a gaiman.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    • zeitgueist, on 01/11/2008, -26/+6I'm not sure if you know this or not, but he actually is gay.
      • merripen, on 01/11/2008, -0/+40Actually, Neil Gaiman has been married (to a woman) for over 20 years and has three kids. He does have a strong following in the gay/lesbian community for being outspokenly supportive of gay rights.

        And king's joke was still stupid.
        • gyrfalcon, on 01/14/2008, -1/+1As my old boss used to say:

          "I know plenty of married gay guys!"
      • cthulhukb, on 01/11/2008, -0/+15I'm not sure if you're kidding or not, but... he actually isn't gay. He's married with three children.
      • RedReplicant, on 01/11/2008, -1/+8/would do him regardless
        • Tiak, on 01/11/2008, -3/+2...Against his will?...
        • rspeed, on 01/12/2008, -2/+6Neil Gaiman is straight (or at least bi). RedReplicant is a girl (a cute one, too, it seems).
        • edwartica, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1Hell, I have a little strait man crush on him myself!
    • Picaroon, on 01/11/2008, -11/+3ROFLMGDMFAOLAMKTB!
  • 2point71, on 01/11/2008, -32/+6not much of an advice, but a pretty good read.
  • Rocketman1882, on 01/11/2008, -7/+21Excellent short story. I just read it in Fragile Things a few weeks ago.
  • robbwindow, on 01/11/2008, -11/+4Great read love this writers descriptive terminology of describing hands and his sureties of words really inspired me (not to race out an get a date) and reassured my faith in Croydon. Well you have to keep your options open. He Hee.
  • brainboy77, on 01/11/2008, -4/+148i'm a dumbass. i didn't get it. please explain
    • zeitgueist, on 01/11/2008, -5/+49in which a pair of young boys go to the wrong party, and have different level of success with girls.
      • TomK88, on 01/11/2008, -0/+21What did Vic do at the end to the girl? I don't get the ending.
        • n3demonic, on 01/11/2008, -11/+3There was always something wrong with each girl.

          I'd guess that she was a man, baby.
        • fastsix, on 01/11/2008, -0/+23You don't exactly know. Stella probably was just as different as the "girls" Enn was talking to though.
        • KingBabi, on 01/11/2008, -0/+7Zarflax
        • Worldchrisis, on 01/11/2008, -0/+36IT WAS A TRAP
        • medecau, on 01/11/2008, -0/+2http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNLuq0lW50k
        • Tiak, on 01/11/2008, -0/+15*spells it out*
          literally:
          Everyone at the party happens to be an alien, Stella, as an alien, was giving Vic particularly large amounts of attention for a reason, she wanted something from him, and wanted to use the vulnerability of him being affectionate for something. She started to do something to him, not necessarily all that dissimilar to the actions of the poem-chick, but eventually, he came to his senses, and realized that she was using him, got scared *****, and ran off.
          figuratively:
          See what Felion reads below.
          *finishes said spelling*
          • krebcycle, on 01/12/2008, -0/+4it's also possible stella was the embodiment of a universe, he suggests that

            anyway, it's a sci-fi short story about people who are not what they seem and adolescence, and those two tie together pretty well
          • samgab, on 01/12/2008, -1/+2I reckon that Vic gets a little bit too cozy with "Stella" and she takes umbrage...
      • wphj, on 01/11/2008, -2/+10But it got all sci-fi at the end.
        • MrMacMan, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2at the end? you mean like, each girl talking about being from a different planet and all of the alien concepts?
      • samzklub, on 01/12/2008, -14/+3I'm pretty sure Vic realized Stella was a man. That's what I took from the ending. I'm being serious too. I think he was going for irony. With his descriptions of her at the beginning of the story of her being the most beautiful girl at the party. I thought for a moment that perhaps he raped her but Stella wasn't crying at the end. She was angry, angry that Vic wouldn't accept her. Thoughts?
        • krebcycle, on 01/12/2008, -3/+5it's a sci-fi story dude, try again
        • Jotch, on 01/12/2008, -1/+1I thought maybe it was a sci-fi metaphor for that old cliche about a dude being surprised by a transvestite. But it was pretty vague, so it could have been a metaphor for lots of stuff I guess, or nothing.
    • Felion, on 01/11/2008, -3/+201The girls are aliens. It's a joke about the alien nature of young girls from the viewpoint of young boys - normally the advice is "They're just girls, they're not from another world", but in this case they were. Hence irony.
      • aureve, on 01/11/2008, -0/+55Just a side note about this line that I found out after reading the story:
        "They're just girls, they're not from another world," is actually a principle of drama referred to as Chekhov's Gun. Anton Chekhov, a Russian short story writer, once said, "If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." The 'they're not from another world' line is just that.

        Kinda found that interesting, as I'd never heard the term before.
        • liquidjamm, on 01/12/2008, -0/+5Chekhov FTW?
        • uzusan, on 01/12/2008, -0/+8hmm, I never realised chekovs gun was the name of that. I had always just thought of it as foreshadowing, but obviously it's a bit more explicit than normal foreshadowing. You learn something new every day. (And this time is not something mind crushingly horrific, like new uses for a cup).
        • samgab, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1There are other uses for cricket cups?
        • wenomspitta, on 01/13/2008, -0/+1actually Chekhovs's Gun is a household expression in a large part of the world (cough-easternblock-cough) :)
      • rakous, on 01/11/2008, -0/+49Oh, I feel stupid now, I thought she was a guy.
    • Felion, on 01/11/2008, -41/+9The girls are actually aliens. It's a joke about the alien nature of young girls from the viewpoint of young boys - normally the advice is "They're only girls, they're not from another planet", but in this case they were. Hence irony.
    • Felion, on 01/11/2008, -6/+68Eeep. Double post. Bury me bishes.
      • wenomspitta, on 01/13/2008, -0/+3i think something is really gone wrong with the comment system...
    • WebWorker, on 01/11/2008, -0/+50"She wasn't a--"

      Human is the most likely word to fill in this blank.

      The story basically wraps up with Enn realizing the fact that even with Vic's apparent ability to talk to chicks, it didn't mean that he really knew what to do with them, and is just as scared and insecure as all the rest of the little boys.
      • elhaf, on 01/11/2008, -1/+11The interesting thing is that the whole story could be retold with different dialog for the girls, and it would be a perfectly normal tale, perhaps of a young boy's first encounter with a transvestite. Further, only Enn gets the weird dialog as far as we know, which gives us this sense of the normal juxtaposed with the weirdly spiritual/trans-dimensional, perhaps only in Enn's mind, or perhaps in "objective" reality. Great story in any case.
    • Evolve, on 01/11/2008, -4/+19"She wasn't a --"
      Put "girl" at the end and this story gets weird very fast.
      • rakous, on 01/11/2008, -0/+6I really feel stupid for not putting the alien thing in that blank originally. I thought she was a guy, but the alien thing popped into my head but was still defeated by the "she is a man" thing.
      • ksmith34746, on 01/11/2008, -3/+3I thought she was a guy also.

        "You know... I think there's a thing." I thought he was referring to a penis. I like the alien ending much better.
      • sparkie_adams, on 01/12/2008, -0/+6"Put 'Girl; at the end and this story gets weird very fast."
        I think putting in the word "human" is WAY more strange...
      • Tiak, on 01/12/2008, -1/+1... A story about two chicks who think they're aliens becomes weird when a transvestite enters the scene?... o.O
    • bearsinthesea, on 01/11/2008, -1/+55They aren't aliens. Not like space aliens or living being from another planet. They are living concepts. Gaiman does this a lot. When he writes stella is a 'universe', he means it literally, she is the physical manifestation of the universe, in the shape of a little girl.
      The girl that was a poem is the same way, she was information, temporarily taking on a physical form.
      There is a story with Dream of the Endless like this, a party in space and the attendees are all gods or concepts, or stars, or dimensions. Our sun, Sol, is there as an immature kid.
      • trisweb, on 01/12/2008, -3/+14Thank you, that's the most logical interpretation, how I read it as well. I mean, when someone writes "I bet an angry universe would look at you with eyes like that," They don't write it like that for no reason. What a strange thing to say unless it means something important...

        Anyone else find it funny (and sort of disturbing about the lack of reading comprehension ability, or perhaps just lack of respect for metaphor) that 95% of the rest of the comments thought she was a man or something?
        • bearsinthesea, on 01/12/2008, -0/+4I think hardly anyone was expecting a sci-fi story, so they weren't looking for those elements. Your average digg story is more likely to have the transvestite.
        • Jotch, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1I think you actually can find a metaphor for a dude who is surprised by a transvestite in this story. Whatever Vic found between Stella's legs, it wasn't what he was expecting. But yeah, it'd be pretty thickheaded to not comprehend that the paragraphs full of "alien" dialogue from those "girls" meant they weren't human. And no -- the lack of reading comprehension possessed by people today no longer disturbs me nor makes me laugh.
      • oneoverzero, on 01/12/2008, -1/+2THats actually one of my favorite gaiman stories.
        • bearsinthesea, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2Fragile Things was on my xmas list.
          This story reminds me of Asmiov's stories with aliens. Like, 'does a bee care', and THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT by Terry Bisson, which i love.
          http://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html
      • artanis, on 01/12/2008, -1/+3Reminds me of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
      • NSMike, on 01/12/2008, -0/+6I think they're actually both. There's definite references to an extra-terrestrial nature, especially the "tourist" remarks, but there's no reason each one can't represent a larger concept at the same time. American Gods is full of that.
        • tech42er, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2Absolutely. It was a combination of concepts/aliens.
      • planetbeing, on 01/12/2008, -0/+10Did you notice how Wain's Wain seems like a social insect, though? Wain's Wain is highly reminiscent of a honeybee: She was found in a conservatory, where pollinating insects would usually hang out. She's not allowed to breed, as most bee females are not. She belongs to a queen who presumably does breed. Further, she says "On a street in Rio at Carnival, I saw them on a bridge, golden and tall and insect-eyed and winged, and elated I almost ran to greet them... Why do they try so hard to look like us?" Only non-breeding honeybees ordinarily leave the hive to collect nectar, so that part fits as well. In short, she can be more obviously connected with a eusocial insect than a concept.

        I mean, I think they are clearly aliens. They can also be metaphors for certain concepts. "I mean, they aren't contradictory."
        • tech42er, on 01/12/2008, -0/+4I agree with everything you've written.
        • bearsinthesea, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2Thats great, i didn't put the honeybee part together, but you're right.

          So, it looks like there weren't many people scared by the story. I was on edge until the end wondering if humanity would be infected/destroyed by the poem...
      • guibom, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1Yep... American Gods and Anansi Boys have a bit of that too... concepts incarnated (one of the characters in this short story even says that).
    • TsuruchiBrian, on 01/12/2008, -2/+32Apparently I am also an idiot. I read certain parts like 5 times and still didn't know what was going on. I like everyone else assumed Stella was a tranny, and thought the plot twist was that the entire party may have been a tranny party. I suppose aliens makes more sense looking back on it and is also less creepy.

      My experience at parties trying to talk to girls usually starts with a 5 minute conversation followed by an awkward silence. I read this story wondering if the author dealt with the topic of awkward silence management, but instead they decided to focus primarily on the more important issues facing todays singles.... Alien Encounters.

      Note to self: When encountering hot alien babes, still try to have sex with them unless they also turn out to be transvestites.
      • Jozer99, on 01/12/2008, -0/+3If anyone needs proof this is true, read American Gods by NG.

        Also, you have to be careful with poem babes, take it from me. They could be poems about Xenu.
      • watup962, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1LOL i thought the same thing
      • bearsinthesea, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1honestly, when I clicked through, i thought it was advice from him set in a dialog. I kept scanning through looking for the 'advice' before i realized it was a story.
    • planetbeing, on 01/12/2008, -0/+9Why do so many people first think they're trannies? I don't get it. Do trannies generally have names like "Wain's Wain", talk about reincarnation and claim to be from other worlds?
      • samgab, on 01/12/2008, -0/+5Wouldn't it be cool to go to a party, act really weird like you were from another planet and say really obscure things like those "girls" did though? Especially to freak out a couple of underage kids who crashed it...
      • Jotch, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2I think those people only read the first and last couple paragraphs.
    • watup962, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1LMFAO i was right there with ya
    • slowmotiony, on 01/12/2008, -0/+11At the end, Stella put on her robe and wizard hat.
  • IAmLegend24, on 01/11/2008, -15/+2Chloroform?
  • robinthehood, on 01/11/2008, -50/+9tl;dr
  • tabularassa, on 01/11/2008, -44/+10The questions is: Should we listen to advice on how to flirt with girls from a guy whose last name is Gai-man ?
    • Frost9999, on 01/11/2008, -2/+4Is it pronounced 'guy' or 'gay'?
      • duddles, on 01/11/2008, -0/+4He pronounces it Gaym'n
        • superjenn, on 01/11/2008, -0/+1Thank you! I've heard both pronunciations for ages and I've never been sure of what to go with.
    • CraigJ, on 01/11/2008, -3/+5The real question is are you ignorant or stupid? (or both)
      • oxala75, on 01/11/2008, -0/+2i think we all know the answer to that one.
    • tech42er, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2Question: Should we consider comments from idiots who DRTFA?
    • Jotch, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1Since we already have Beavis and Butthead on DVD, why were you born?
  • iashraf, on 01/11/2008, -42/+5haha, do you guys really want to take advice from a guy who's surname sounds like Gayman?

    I'm joking, I'm joking :)
    • pastaq, on 01/11/2008, -0/+14So were the other four people being buried above you.
  • mortigon, on 01/11/2008, -24/+19step 1, drink lots of beer. beer = confidence

    there are no more steps
    • calvmari, on 01/11/2008, -8/+31. Chug Beer
      2. ???
      3. Profit!
      • glenruben, on 01/11/2008, -0/+21. Chug Beer
        2. Vomit into her lap, and try to kiss her immediately afterwards.
        3. Watch as her stiletto heel connects to your temple
        4. ????
        5. Profit.
    • UKsHaDoW, on 01/11/2008, -1/+10Acutally his right. Once you get drunk I tend to start talking crap, and start touching their hair and legs etc, and I don't care if deny me anymore I just do it. And it works.
      I would never ever do this sober.
      • glenruben, on 01/11/2008, -1/+11> I don't care if deny me anymore I just do it.
        > if deny me anymore I just do it.
        > I just do it.
        > do it

        Rapist?
      • Jotch, on 01/12/2008, -1/+1You're drunk now, aren't you?
    • leodavinci, on 01/11/2008, -2/+7uh, why is this guy getting dugg down? Beer has worked pretty well for me, cause after enough beers everybody is hot anyways!
      • elhaf, on 01/11/2008, -1/+8because he didn't read the ***** story.
      • SysstemLord, on 01/13/2008, -0/+1Ah so the problem is that you don't usually find girls hot enough without beer??
  • fant0m, on 01/11/2008, -18/+2It's unfortunate that whenever diggers think of girls - talking with them, sleeping with them, going on dates with them, etc - we always have to attribute chloroform to our success... bunch of losers, I say!

    *Girl walks by*

    .... excuse me MISS!, can you come here and smell this rag?
  • blackdude, on 01/11/2008, -48/+5"She told him it was Stella, and he grinned his crooked white grin and told her that that had to be the prettiest name he had ever heard. Smooth bastard."

    I stopped reading there.
    • FishHammer, on 01/11/2008, -3/+28good for you man, great, those of us that actually read the story all care so much.
    • WarBiscuit, on 01/11/2008, -1/+12Then you missed out.
      No passing advice, relegated to some far-off blog,
      It's a Neil Gaiman short story...
      full of surrealism and poetry,
      as most of his are.
    • luet, on 01/11/2008, -2/+8Wow, you should punch yourself in the face.
    • oxala75, on 01/12/2008, -1/+2you can read..?
      • samgab, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1Are you just asking that cos he's ...
        er, just cut and pasted a part of the story?
    • Jotch, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1This was a couple paragraphs before the part where you stopped:

      "'It's all right for you,' I said. 'They fancy you. You don't actually have to talk to them.' It was true: one urchin grin from Vic and he could have his pick of the room. "

      It makes the successful cheesy pick-up line more believable.
  • tehjarvis, on 01/11/2008, -4/+33Neil Gaiman is an amazing writer.

    What happened in the upstairs with Stella and Vic?
  • Miche1987, on 01/11/2008, -17/+2in b4 step 1: stop reading digg and go outside, etc.
    • Kerrigore, on 01/12/2008, -0/+3You forgot the step where you actually RTFA
  • TomK88, on 01/11/2008, -13/+3I don't understand...can somebody give my a synopsis? :D
    • Thater, on 01/11/2008, -0/+11some guys go to a party and there's a bunch of weird girls there and they talk all kinds of crazy and then stuff happens and the guys leave.
    • tech42er, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2Two British teenagers, one of whom is pretty good with girls and the other who isn't, are invited to a party. But they go to the wrong party by mistake, which is full of "aliens". The shy guy tries to talk to them, leading to some very strange conversations, while the chick magnet charms the prettiest girl there and then goes upstairs. Presumably, he intends to screw her. Unfortunately, something happens and he realizes she's not human, so he and the other guy quickly leave.
  • kiiwii, on 01/11/2008, -4/+13I'd never heard of this guy until I saw the movie Stardust and loved it. I'll have to check out more of his work.

    And for those who passed up the movie: Give it a shot, it's a great "new" fairytale.
    • maino82, on 01/11/2008, -0/+8try "Neverwhere" and "Good Omens" (with Terry Pratchet)
    • Yage2006, on 01/11/2008, -0/+7Try American Gods.
      Its by far my favorite from him .
      • stealthrocket, on 01/11/2008, -0/+1I'm listening to the audio book now and its a great story.
    • Thater, on 01/11/2008, -0/+2Anansi Boys is quite good as well...
      but if nothing else definitely read Good Omens!
    • ghostelephant, on 01/11/2008, -0/+7his books are good, but his best work is by far the Sandman comics... SO good.
    • AlienHairball, on 01/11/2008, -0/+6I'll voice/type a strong 2nd vote for the Sandman graphic novel collection. Particularly after you get in a ways and he really starts to find his stride with the series. Of course his books are good, too, but different critters - some people like just books, some like the graphic novel thing. Whatever floats yer boat :)

      Oh and you should definitely, definitely (twice fer emphasis hoohoo) check out the Stardust graphic novel and/or book since you like the movie. :-)
    • joshuabowers, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1You might also like Mirrormask; that movie was awesome.
  • JeffreyLebowski, on 01/11/2008, -10/+5Definitely too long for me to read right now (at work)...but will definitely bookmark for later reading. Gaiman is amazing.
  • tabularassa, on 01/11/2008, -45/+4The questions is: Should we listen to advice on how to flirt with girls from a guy whose last name is Gai-man ?
  • wilcox1010, on 01/11/2008, -19/+30chick had a dick dude.
    • PatrickTulskie, on 06/04/2008, -8/+4I was trying to figure out if he was talking about the chick having a penis or if the chick wasn't a virgin and she took Vic's as well.

      The reader is left to interpret though but given the fact that he flew out of there I'd assume she had a penis.
    • calvmari, on 01/11/2008, -0/+16I think she wasn't human lol
    • tr0tsky, on 01/11/2008, -1/+5I thought he had almost attempted to force her to have sex. So after that he wouldn't be himself, he'd be "the guy that forces chicks against their will"
      • xTRUMANx, on 01/12/2008, -1/+3If he was forcing himself, she would have been screaming for help. I'm going with the penis theory as its the only theory which makes sense as to why he would so angry and run off that fast.
  • DarkReign16, on 01/11/2008, -11/+1Two words, confidence juice.
    • DarkReign16, on 01/11/2008, -4/+2cmon, I even set it up for you! The response to this should have been, "Two words, Dugg Down".
  • TomT223, on 01/11/2008, -2/+27"They don't come from another planet."
    Wrong!
    • loganhuddleston, on 01/11/2008, -2/+2they come from OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb
    • tech42er, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2Exactly. That was the whole point.
  • r0b1, on 01/11/2008, -44/+7WHAT THE ***** IS THIS *****? Here I thought we had some erotic literature, and they're like freakin' aliens, or something.
  • fatas, on 01/11/2008, -6/+100buried for the lack of lists or use of bold fonts for important lines
    • sbgskl, on 01/12/2008, -2/+6Read: unoptimized for the digg/MTV generation, who cannot discern subtlety in anything.
      • Shawnshank, on 01/12/2008, -1/+8Read: fatas's comment unoptimized for sbqskl, who cannot discern sarcasm in anything.
  • LifeSaverS, on 01/11/2008, -3/+10wait... this story leads me to believe that "Stella" is not a girl?

    "She wasn't a--" He stopped.

    wtf is going on here?
    • handsomeawkward, on 01/11/2008, -0/+12I'm pretty sure that Vic is saying that she wasn't a human
    • Stupidumb, on 01/11/2008, -0/+7ALIENS
    • aureve, on 01/11/2008, -1/+7Right, Gaiman's intent with that line was to further drive the point home that these are not *normal* girls. In fact, they're not girls at all. At one point, Vic explains to Enn that all of the girls at the party are tourists. But, they're not tourists from another country, they're tourists from another part of the universe. So, they're aliens.
    • NSMike, on 01/11/2008, -0/+32Each one of them is an alien that represents a larger concept. Wain's Wain is the epitome of being an outcast. She is found alone at the party. She is slightly deformed, and she calls herself a "second" as opposed to her "more perfect" sisters, who were "firsts." They remain at home, but she has been sent to travel, as though she were worth less, and therefore worth the risk of being sent off, away from her home.

      The gap-toothed girl was the concept of birth. She described in detail the experience of starting to live, what it felt like to feel the organs in her body to begin working. Note that the illustration makes it look like she is sitting in almost a fetal position. He says her movements are careful, as though she wasn't used to taking things and couldn't trust her vision or her hands, as a young child cannot when first learning motor skills.

      Triolet is the most obvious. She is the concept of knowledge. Her Greek looks are a nod to the culture of the ancient civilzation. He can recognize the things she whispers as poetry but doesn't understand, and even tries to remember but can't remember the details, and when she begins, he sees a bunch of images. She even details inspiration as the abstract concept of a star beaming out the lost poem of her people.

      Stella is harder to pin down. She dances alone at first. Then she become inexorably attached to Vic up until the moment he leaves. She then appears with smeared makeup and messed-up clothes. My guess is she is something he wasn't expecting. He tried to get fresh with her, she wasn't having it, and showed off her alien self. The thing he went too far to do was probably rape, and she probably scared the ever-loving ***** out of the kid. But that all seems a bit mundane for Gaiman, so there's probably something REALLY f*cked up that happened in that room.
      • AmICoolNow, on 01/12/2008, -1/+2I don't think that she was *literally* an alien...I think they were all HUMAN embodiments of different concepts.
        • NSMike, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1I don't think so. There was talk about foreign exchange students, and tourists, and Wain's Wain even said she wasn't from there. Everything each one talks about hints at an extra-terrestrial existence, too. The concepts they embody are not alien, after all. I think they were both. There's no reason each one can't represent a larger concept while being an alien at the same time. American Gods is full of that.
        • TheCosmicFool, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1I agree with AmICoolNow, they seemed to be different concepts altogether, none of them really related to each other except that they weren't human.
          Damn I wanna go to a party like that!
      • samgab, on 01/12/2008, -0/+4I agree with NSMike, but it's more clever than that, because each of the girls described also represents a typical nubile party stereotype at the same time. The loner that sits by herself and doesn't feel included because of some real or imagined flaw. The life and soul of the party who flirts then gets offended when the excitable boy takes things one step too far, according to her own incomprehensible set of standards. etc.
        Also, it's describing in metaphorical language, how to a teenage boy; a girl is often a quite alien being: "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus".
        Also, remember that it's a recollection from 30 years prior, so in the memory of a man in his mid-40's, an event that happened in his mid-teens might take on some variances, and might become somewhat fantasized.
        • NSMike, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1Ah, well, to recognize the party stereotypes, one has to have been to parties before...
          /geek
      • volonix, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1THANK YOU! God, someone got it finally.
        • NSMike, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1It was just a quick and dirty interpretation. A fun little exercise, started turning some of those slightly rusty gears I had to use back in college when pursuing my BA in English.
  • eneshelon, on 01/11/2008, -14/+2what was the ending all about? 1chich1dick?
  • Mrdandism2, on 01/11/2008, -13/+1Is she a man?
  • asus2000, on 06/30/2008, -2/+5"They're just girls", I said.
  • soupcancooloff, on 01/11/2008, -5/+2What happened between Vic and Stella?
  • Gamer2k4, on 01/11/2008, -1/+9Well that was...weird.
  • GoKings, on 01/11/2008, -9/+1So wait... Was she a he?
  • phosphenes, on 01/11/2008, -2/+131Guys, something is seriously wrong. The protagonist, who claims not to know what to do around girls, has about five times my own confidence.
    • mbeauchez, on 01/11/2008, -2/+36Try alcohol.
    • lkeg56demn, on 01/11/2008, -2/+36Try chloroform.
    • byrdgang, on 01/12/2008, -0/+2Well, be comforted by the fact that there are many other people like you. Try Craigslist, and post an ad asking girls what difficulties you're facing, and if there's a girl out there who would be willing to help you out. This would be better than a "real life" situation, because I am sure there are girls out there who wouldn't mind you "practicing" on them. These girls would know what you're looking for, and you don't have to worry about embarrassment since they are complete strangers.

      By the way, I am being very serious here.
      • planetbeing, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1I, on the other hand, am comforted by the existence of people like him.
    • thadiusdean, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1Just gotta work on it: there's a lot of good tips on the web. Try lifehacker.com
  • Kratisto, on 01/11/2008, -23/+4This is ***** on the grounds that girls in real life are uninteresting, paranoid, stupid, or some combination of the three. At least that's how it is at parties in the US. Paranoid: You can't even hold a door open for someone chivalrously without being eyed as a stalker. Uninteresting: Most seem to be only concerned with short term social interactions. Stupid: Does that like need like explanation?
    • testcase, on 01/11/2008, -0/+5You're buckin' for a promotion to Butt Private with an attitude like that.
    • Stregasusi, on 01/11/2008, -0/+3I hope you and your hand have a very long, happy life together.
  • Phatfiddler, on 01/11/2008, -17/+2So......Stella was a dude?
  • phosphenes, on 01/11/2008, -15/+2Guys, something is seriously wrong. The protagonist, who claims not to know what to do around girls, has about five times my own confidence...
  • mezzanine224, on 01/11/2008, -6/+53Interesting story...but not sure I totally got it.

    Help me out: it was about two guys who went to a party, but the party was actually full of aliens who's world had been destroyed. They left their planet, took on human forms and came to visit Earth. Then, at this party, they would whisper a poem into the guy's ear, and it would somehow deeply affect them and basically take control of them...make them feel like they've seen heaven. Vic hears the whole poem and it messes him up, and Enn didn't hear it all and ended up being fine.

    Can anyone help me out beyond that?
    • Mrdandism2, on 01/11/2008, -5/+27I think you got it
    • Overcyn, on 01/11/2008, -2/+10no? maybe im wrong but i dont think the girls were of the same species. they were all from separate planets each with their own separate story. Vic realizes this where Enn doesnt. and decides that banging alien chicks just isnt for him.
    • jj101, on 01/11/2008, -1/+21Vic and Enn had diferent approaches. Vic told Enn to talk to the girls, which he did and it was beautiful. But as he talked to them he noticed they all had things about them that made them less than typical. Viv didn't actually do much talking and was more superficial in his approach. He went upstairs to shag Stella, not hear a poem, and found out she wasn't quite what he expected.

      Maybe? Its open to interpretation like all the best art. Only babies are spoonfed.
      • superjenn, on 01/11/2008, -0/+3This one is the one, I think.
      • shodanx, on 01/12/2008, -5/+0yes, make up a story (preferably one that doesn't really make sense)
        then remove critical story elements
        then assume readers will extrapolate your original idea ?

        this is why Donnie Darko sucked
        and so does this empty piece

        look I can make the same

        there was a girl *
        then they kissed *
        and the zorglev took off in his space-mushroom, saving humanity

        now just fill in the blanks lazy readers, it's actually an epic story !


        • Ozymandias42, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1Of course that's not an epic story. Those are couplets.
    • Velirno, on 01/11/2008, -2/+4Thanks I was actually having a little trouble working it out myself. That sounds about right.
    • Talonkarrde, on 01/11/2008, -1/+34So you can look at it two ways.

      First is to take it literally as a science-fiction piece. The two boys crash this party, but the girls there are not real girls - they're all aliens of some sort. One had her world destroyed, others are just visiting, playing tourist and having a 'party'. If the one ever finished the poem into Enn's ear, then it's possible he would've been absorbed into her being - as she says, when they hear the whole song, they change. As for Stella...she may be the master of the group, something more than just an alien. Vic doesn't hear the poem at all - he goes upstairs with Stella and finds something...else. "She wasn't a...human." is probably the ending line.

      The other, equally valid explanation, is that it's a metaphor for young guys going to a party that is way over their heads. Vic looks like he knows what he's doing, but he doesn't - he has no idea at all. As for Enn, he's friendly and nice, but he's just as lost, and what they say to him sounds alien because he's so confused. Ever hear the phase, 'it's like he/she was speaking a different language?' - that's what he feels like is happening. While Enn stumbles around, Vic thinks he's in control with Stella, when he doesn't have any control at all. In the end, "She wasn't a...girl." may be the ending line.

      The beauty of it is that both ways of interpreting it are equally correct. Perhaps they really are aliens, or perhaps this is one draw out metaphor. But which one? This story has been around for a while, but there's a reason it was nominated for the Hugo.
  • theguz4l, on 01/11/2008, -17/+2tl;dr
  • Thater, on 01/11/2008, -5/+100Dugg for Neil Gaiman... and because there simply aren't enough short-stories submitted to Digg.
    • artofwar420, on 01/12/2008, -0/+3Nothing sucky about this story, au contraire.
  • quickdraw23, on 01/11/2008, -36/+4Worst story ever, plain and simple, I want my life back...
    • oxala75, on 01/11/2008, -2/+5don't know what you're bitching about.
      you likely lacked a life before Gaiman put pen to paper on this one.
  • cmdrNacho, on 01/11/2008, -36/+6This f'n story is the biggest waste of time. dugg down. What diggers dugg this to the front page.
  • jsaic, on 01/11/2008, -23/+5the first step to talking to women is to get past the fact that you want to bang the hell out of them. every woman knows that if a guy is talking to them that they want to bang the hell out of them, and you know you want to bang the hell out of them so it's all ready out there. the key to talking to women is to let them do most of the talking, ***** a lot like giving fake compliments and pretend to be interested in whatever they say even if it's moronic. don't talk about geek ***** unless you're with a geek-girl and don't treat them like a little princess. don't treat them like *****, but don't treat them like they're the best thing in the world--which they are: second only to money.
    • calvmari, on 01/11/2008, -0/+6wtf
    • Stregasusi, on 01/11/2008, -0/+9Wow, good luck with that whole virgin for life thing you got going.
      • oxala75, on 01/11/2008, -4/+1whatever.
        what he says has worked very successfully for eons.

        ..well, worked for me, anyway.
        as they say on those weight loss commercials, your results may vary.
    • IpecacNeat, on 01/12/2008, -0/+3But, wait. When do I get to bang the hell out of them?
      • samgab, on 01/12/2008, -0/+1How did they even get all that hell IN them in the first goddam place? That's what I want to know.
  • endus, on 01/11/2008, -30/+5What the hell is this garbage?
    • Velirno, on 01/11/2008, -2/+15Proper literature :)
    • coreyb, on 01/11/2008, -1/+6Culture?!
    • LETHARGICpirate, on 01/12/2008, -1/+5people have no respect for beautifully written literature. what a shame.
      • endus, on 01/12/2008, -2/+0I do, and this isn't it. Seriously, art isn't just good because its art...some art is crap...and this is crap. It devalues the good stuff to say the crap is good.
    • shelton8706, on 01/12/2008, -6/+1for real that ***** is dumb.
  • vcleniuk, on 01/11/2008, -11/+20Girls? Parties?
    # cat social_life >/dev/null
  • pcpimpster, on 01/11/2008, -11/+1Hey baby, want to see my code?

    • pcpimpster, on 01/12/2008, -1/+1***** you then



      Digg - Neil Gaiman: How To Talk To Girls At Parties





      @import "/css/60/global.css";
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      @import "/css/60/permalink.css";
      @import "/css/60/comments.css";
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      var pagetype = "permalink";


      _qacct="p-34Iv4_7kv_i-6";quantserve();




      digg My Profilevar friendsjson = {"count":3,"name":"pcpimpster","activity":{"dugg":"1","duggq":"1","submit":"0","comment":"1","fav":"0","shouts":"0","profile":"0"}}Friends' Activitydofcount();Submit NewLogoutSearch Digg... PopularUpcomingAllNewsVideosImagesPodcastsCustomizeTechnology moreAppleDesignGadgetsHardwareIndustry NewsLinux/UnixMicrosoftModsProgrammingSecuritySoftwareWorld & Business moreBusiness & FinanceWorld NewsPolitical NewsPolitical Opinion2008 U.S. ElectionsScience moreEnvironmentGeneral SciencesSpaceGaming moreIndustry NewsPC GamesPlayable Web GamesNintendoPlayStationXboxLifestyle moreArts & CultureAutosEducationalFood & DrinkHealthTravel & PlacesEntertainment moreCelebrityMoviesMusicTelevisionComics & AnimationSports moreBaseballBasketballExtremeFootball - US/CanadaGolfHockeyMotorsportSoccerTennisOther SportsOffbeat moreComedyOdd StuffPeoplePets & Animals

      dapMgr.enableACB("top_ad_msft", false);
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      dapMgr.renderAd("block_ad_msft", "&PG=DIG300&AP=1089&PN=Digg", 300, 250);



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      Neil Gaiman: How To Talk To Girls At Parties
      neilgaiman.com — A friend had told Vic about a party, and Vic was determined to go whether I liked it or not, and I didn't. But my parents were away that week at a conference, and I was Vic's guest at his house, so I was trailing along beside him. They're just girls," said Vic. "They don't come from another planet."


      Submitted:
      1 day 3 hr ago, made popular 8 hr 11 min ago
      Submitter:

      MakiMaki

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      Comments (283)
      Who Dugg or Blogged It?
      • Knucklecallus, on 01/12/2008, -1/+1thank you for that waste of time, may i have my 4 minutes back?
        • pcpimpster, on 01/26/2008, -0/+1Your original thought sickens me ///sarc
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