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Unsexy Moments in the History Of Modern Art (NSFW)

asylum.com — On our last couple of jaunts to the local art show, we've noticed a disturbing phenomenon. A lot of modern art is deeply, deeply unsexy. Not just weird, but explicitly damaging to the libido. So in the interest of letting you know what to avoid, we've collected some of the unsexiest artwork we could find.

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  • dood, on 07/09/2008, -16/+4Which of these was supposed to be sexy? The woman in the tub, maybe?
    • asnider, on 07/09/2008, -1/+24None of them. That's why the article is called "UNSEXY Moments in the History of Modern Art."
      • msimeth, on 07/10/2008, -2/+2Not the title of the story, Mr. Obvious, he is talking about the art itself.

      • dood, on 07/10/2008, -0/+4If the art wasn't meant to be sexy, then calling it unsexy isn't all that relevant.

        It's like going to the clothing store and listing out the items that taste the worst. It makes no sense.
      • asnider, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I see your point, but I still don't think any of them were intended to be sexy in the first place. The writer just figured he could get a lot of people to read his article by taking about how lame and "unsexy" modern art is.
    • tech42er, on 07/10/2008, -2/+2Genius, look at the article's title again.
    • Archer007, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Dislexia is nothing to laff about.
  • allaboutdatiki, on 07/09/2008, -0/+17Okay, so I couldn't get past Britney giving birth ...
  • Divals, on 07/09/2008, -1/+2I dunno, Benefits Supervisor Sleeping would be sexy... if she was younger. That body ten or twenty years younger would be a beautiful thing :D

    But yeah, other'n that... not so sexy.
    • luet, on 07/10/2008, -2/+4what the ***** is wrong with you
      • Divals, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I have a nasty habit of making value judgments about what other people find attractive, especially people who like fat girls.

        Oh wait... that's you.
  • Skuzzlbut, on 07/09/2008, -0/+16I still think Peter Griffin's wax sculpture of Harriet Tubman and Gweneth Paltrow making out is as hot as it gets!
  • bixby1, on 07/09/2008, -0/+1The second picture looks like one of the gag birthday cards...only really expensive and it's not my birthday.
  • BoonTobias, on 07/09/2008, -5/+3*****hurl*****

    Please send them back to the kitchen
  • TheWorm, on 07/09/2008, -1/+35In case you were curious about the one titled "Three nude women racing on phallic steeds" here it is.
    http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/71674734.jpg?v=1&c= ...
    • ngmcs8203, on 07/10/2008, -1/+30I don't understand a few things:

      a) Why they think art needs to be sexy?
      and
      b) Why the hell they censored art for us? Are the internet cops going to call the intertube's version of the FCC??
      • glenruben, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Yeah I was wondering about this too.

        Do they think that their mom's watching or something? Nipples and genitalia are rather common sights on the interwebs. I'm tempted to send them a mail, but I doubt it will do any good.
      • ryanize, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0Not to mention they censor the painting of *****-horses but the giant ***** bed is okay to show....makes no sense.

        And buried because of the annoying popup gallery
    • geniusNOTatWORK, on 07/10/2008, -2/+1Superbad, much?
    • da_bradler, on 07/10/2008, -0/+5wow, that picture is exactly as it is titled.
    • da_bradler, on 07/10/2008, -5/+0wow, that picture is exactly as it is titled.
    • da_bradler, on 07/10/2008, -3/+2what the ***** ***** double posting ***** digg
      • MarkTaiwan, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1don't you know you can delete your comment?
  • etgggg, on 07/09/2008, -0/+8So you're saying pregnant brittney spears doing it doggy style isn't sexy?!?!?
    • meburnette, on 07/10/2008, -0/+3I think it is, that is HOT
    • etgggg, on 07/10/2008, -3/+0i thought that comment being sarcastic went without saying but upon reading your comment further down
      i just thought i would mention it.
    • ryanize, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0I love pregnant woman....I'd get behind that!
  • rearlgrant, on 07/09/2008, -1/+6It's funny how "academies" can define their art to be the opposite of what is claimed.

    Story - Every year I go to the "Erotic Art Festival" in Seattle. It's generally considered fringe by the mainstream, as well it's reputation as all the baggage the word "erotic" carries with it.

    Some of the art work is amazing -- as sex can be inspiring.

    But last year the jury's top prize went to a photo that looks like a gynecological exam being done at a murder scene. I didn't see it as erotic on any level, even from an S&M/fetish POV. But, apparently, those who have won the award before chose this photo as an example of the best erotic art in the show...
  • theguesser10, on 07/10/2008, -0/+6PENIS BED!
    • ancientdinko, on 07/10/2008, -1/+3I know it reminds of that Sugar Ray song

      "Every morning there's a condom hanging from the
      corner of my girlfriend's four post bed.
      I know it's not mine but I'll see if I can use
      it for the weekend
      or a one night stand"

      or something like that anyway
    • LoudMusic, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Nooooo.

      PENIS MIGHTIER!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etmHaeaNsCw
    • edwartica, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1You like that, don't you?
  • viacombusta, on 07/10/2008, -8/+3Most art is boring.
  • DLRULZ, on 07/10/2008, -2/+4Pregnant woman... to much fetish even for me.
  • mikeophile, on 07/10/2008, -1/+18I'd chisel it.
  • elmotoothbrush, on 07/10/2008, -0/+5That website sucks and this story was not cool enough to make the site worth it. Buried.
  • Disneyisevil50, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I'm.....slightly aroused...DAMN YOU TITTIES, FOUL TEMPTRESS
  • meburnette, on 07/10/2008, -2/+7Call me a weirdo but pregnant women are gorgeous to me, and that pregnant woman sculpture is SEXY, as long as there is no fetus coming out of the side I cant see.
    • ngmcs8203, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I didn't think pregnant women could be sexy until my wife got pregnant (except maybe for Gwen Stefani and a few others)
    • tocsy, on 07/10/2008, -0/+5From what I've heard, the baby is supposedly crowning. BUT I've never actually seen a picture of that side, nor the actual sculpture, and I heard it on the internet, so take it for what you will.
  • kefkastudio, on 07/10/2008, -0/+4Phallus bed FTW
  • holyskeleton, on 07/10/2008, -1/+8buried for slideshow.
  • Pusod, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2I'm ready to take a look and start flipping through the images and a ***** separate flash window opens up which took forever to load! Tricky tricky fooled me.!
  • aenegeling, on 07/10/2008, -4/+2I can't believe people call this art. =|
  • heartoffires, on 07/10/2008, -2/+2in photo 5, the caption reads:
    "Woman in Tub Jeff Koons' sculpture titled "Woman in Tub" is actually quite sexy. If you ignore the fact that she's missing half her head and there is a boy pissing in a pool behind the sculpture."

    ummm... i don't think he's urinating.
    • JeffDUpp, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0Exactly i knew i couldn't be the only one to think he wasn't pissing
  • XenoSNK, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I'd sleep in the phallus bed any day.
  • Tssst, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1what is the censored bit in "cowboy"?
    • mrsammercer, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Hanging *****. Unless those are some otherworldly labia. But they censored it so we'll never know.
  • Xyc0, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Is it bad that I thought those were all hot?
    • Aieces, on 07/10/2008, -1/+0Hey if it has a pulse right? jk I thought alot of them were pretty hot too. I dont think I would go as far as pushing the fat folds togather and having my way though.
  • DarkReign16, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I think something is wrong with me, I found the first one slightly sexy.

    = |
  • dildoolielly, on 07/10/2008, -3/+2I didn't care to look, I am sure to catch it on FOX "news" or in the National Inquirer, but did the article include Suri's golden poop sculpture?

    And hey diggers, please notify us know when Britney's sister's kid has her next bowel movement, ok?!
  • biner77, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Still better than Yoko
  • nemojonze, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2i liked them all. Bury away.
  • jellydoughnut21, on 07/10/2008, -0/+14why the ***** do sites insist on launching some media viewer in order to see a bunch of ***** pictures? It's so irritating and useless when they could just put it all on one ***** page.
  • ShadowFoxxx, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Some people have some weird taste in art, seriously. I hope kids 10 and under weren't allowed or else there would be some awkward moments.
  • LoveWidescreen, on 07/10/2008, -0/+17Oh, Jesus Christ! They censored out *sculpted* penises and *painted* nipples! What the hell is WRONG with these idiots!?

    Buried for being a bunch of unbelievably pathetic Puritans.
  • koonchu, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Am I the only one having a difficult time navigating through this mess?
  • Hitchhiker90, on 07/10/2008, -5/+2Submitted by MrBabyMan = whiney little bitch

    Automatically buried. Will digg someone else's simliar story.
  • louiegirl1, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0anyone else slightly happy to see the paris hilton sculpture?
  • Psythik, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Why don't Asylum's photo galleries ever work for me? No matter what browser I use, no matter what computer I'm on, no matter if I use XP, Vista, or Ubuntu -- all I get is a blank white page when I launch any gallery on the site, no matter the article.... Am I the only one having this issue?
    • belfastbiker, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I disabled no script, and then it worked.
  • patthew, on 07/10/2008, -0/+4So who else thought that "I Can't Help the Way I Feel" (number 6) looks like the big spore Flood things from Halo?
  • Afterburn, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2I think Paris Hilton dead is sexier than her alive.
  • mooboy322, on 07/10/2008, -0/+3why are they censoring it, its art, every though its bad art, art shouldn't get censored.
  • rootfiend, on 07/10/2008, -1/+1That website is full of fail. Buried.
  • thelock65, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2i totally forgot about the photobombers. dugg
    • jave8u, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1Hehe, yes. dugg for sexy moments after unsexy moments
  • pixelatedsoul, on 07/10/2008, -0/+27Buried for censoring art.
    • Daggerfall, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1In a lame freshmen kinda way too!
  • ibilenjkij, on 07/10/2008, -0/+7Censoring art - buried!
  • clickwir, on 07/10/2008, -0/+3wtf.... how are you going to have a site that is supposed to be showing people art, yet you choose to block people from viewing parts of it. ***** CENSORSHIP.
  • sealhands, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1unsexy moments in the history of contemporary (and some modern) art
  • Crass22, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I thought some of these were pretty awesome. Maybe they left out the nude Hillary Clinton bust because they found it was sexy??

    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?story ...
  • SinisterK, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1I thought number 9 was very sexy.
  • wlewis12, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1those are some ***** up pictures, and who in their right mind would do a sculpture of paris hilton nude playing with her dog?
  • tanuki0, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Since when is art supposed to be sexy? All of these mean something, there're not meant to be sexy.
  • sstrader, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0Kiki Smith's "Tale" (scroll down):

    http://www.artsjournal.com/artopia/2006/12/kiki_sm ...

    Saw this when it was at the Whitney. Unsexy... unless you've got some weird fetish.
  • edwartica, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Dugg for lower horn. They totally should of named it "fry."
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