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Fantasy Baseball Owner Rips Team Apart In Media

theonion.com — BROOKLYN, NY —Mark Mendicus, 26-year-old Staples employee and principal owner of the fantasy baseball team Beat With Uggla Stick, blasted his underperforming team in the media Monday, going so far as to single out individual players, criticize their recent play, and question their commitment to winning.

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  • hollywoodphony, on 06/30/2008, -12/+33I had to pick my jaw up off the floor until I looked again and saw this was the Onion. They keep getting me! I never learn!
    • dynelol, on 06/30/2008, -11/+1I have an excuse. I'm high right now. I read the title and then read all of the description. THEN i saw it.
    • iJessicaRabbit, on 06/30/2008, -2/+7Same here. As I was reading it I was thinking, "this better be from the onion or this guy's the stupidest asshat around." Then I looked up and felt very relieved.
      • skipdog172, on 06/30/2008, -5/+3yeah...um....wow...

        thats so funny that you forgot to read the title of the article

        so...so... funny
      • iJessicaRabbit, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1yeah...um....wow...

        thats so funny that there's nothing in the TITLE or DESCRIPTION about it being from the onion

        so...so... funny
    • ZiggyILM, on 06/30/2008, -1/+1maybe it's because I pay too much attention but the rather large header "Onion Sports" complete with onion logo kinda...you know... gave it away
      • hollywoodphony, on 06/30/2008, -1/+4Yes, yes, I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.
        I've got like six tabs open at once. Sue me.
  • WilliamAdama, on 06/30/2008, -15/+3Damn you onion..
  • TSCheredar, on 06/30/2008, -22/+12Anyone else read the Onion headlines and decide they are completely stupid and worthless, prior to learning it's from the Onion?

    (Maybe I'm just not a fan...)
  • jp12380, on 06/30/2008, -13/+7For this one I suspected the onion and I was right.
  • popstation, on 06/30/2008, -14/+4This crap makes me cry
  • dynelol, on 06/30/2008, -20/+12Why the ***** do these get submitted? They're ***** stupid.
    • TTURabble, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1looks like someone had bad fantasy picks. Did your team loose?
      • dynelol, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Looks like someone had a bad English teacher.
    • drunkmonkey01, on 06/30/2008, -2/+3whats the point of these stupid made up articles? There's no comedy in them just retardation. The onion fails.
    • ivand67, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2STFU... you and drunkmonkey01... As if a lot of the columns submitted to Digg are based on facts.

      There's a style for Firefox on Userstyles.org that highlights Onion articles in green and adds the onion icon. You need the Stylish extension. That way you can avoid clicking on them and being a dick in the comments.
      • dynelol, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1I enjoy being a dick in the comments.
  • thomash, on 06/30/2008, -13/+2can everyone please stop pointing out in the first few comments that it's the onion?

    the best thing about an onion article is always laughing about the people that don't realize it's satire and take it seriously.
    • heliox, on 06/30/2008, -2/+5I didn't think there was a best thing about The Onion.
  • Jeffler, on 06/30/2008, -9/+2Onion FTW
    • kidathinnes, on 06/30/2008, -1/+3seconded. ***** all these haters.
  • junger, on 06/30/2008, -11/+2Dupe 11 days ago ...
    http://digg.com/baseball/Fantasy_Baseball_Owner_Ri ...
    • NachoBusiness, on 06/30/2008, -3/+1Lol the Digg way is to not be deterred when you realize it's a dupe you're submitting, but to tack something on to the URL to get past the filter.
  • kidathinnes, on 06/30/2008, -7/+2So true, I love it. ***** Jose Contreras! You're killing me!
  • diggit08, on 06/30/2008, -12/+4Somebody submit the onion 404 page, lets see if it hits the front page.
  • hawksfan03, on 06/30/2008, -3/+28If you don't play fantasy baseball you will think this is stupid. If you do play fantasy baseball, the team names will make sense and you will find this hilarious.
    • iJessicaRabbit, on 06/30/2008, -3/+9I don't play; I still thought it was funny.
    • mhender, on 06/30/2008, -9/+3I don't play; it wasn't funny.
    • johndavidjack, on 06/30/2008, -7/+3***** fantasy sports. It makes me sick to want a player on the opposing team (that was playing my favorite team) to do well.

      • crweaks23, on 06/30/2008, -0/+5Bench them... that's what I do (in baseball anyway).
    • ToastedZergling, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2I immediately posted this in my league after reading this. Abso-*****-lutely hilarious if you play these games.

      They should have had more on people going crazy on trades and vetoing every trade they don't like or if it involves players they want.
  • mhender, on 06/30/2008, -13/+5***** the Onion. ***** it in it's Oniony ass
  • ripple123, on 06/30/2008, -8/+1I thought the whole point of fantasy was to escape the real world. Fantasy football is, like, role playing a accountant or something.
  • Pedobear, on 06/30/2008, -2/+13As a bear who owns 3 fantasy teams (and unfortunately, all of my players are at least 23 years old), I can say that this article is spot on with how people treat their teams.
    • modsuperstar, on 06/30/2008, -0/+5If you play fantasy baseball you know how close to the mark this article is. I think I've picked up and dropped Jared Weaver 3 times so far this year.
      • Butros, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2Haha did you benefit from saturday's "error"?
      • modsuperstar, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1One league I had him on my team, the other I just picked him up again after that game.
    • ShisouKen, on 06/30/2008, -1/+1Thumbs up for the PedoBear reference alone...
  • Miamisun, on 06/30/2008, -5/+2Just take Posada off of the DL already!
  • protogenxl, on 06/30/2008, -3/+5They were who we thought they were!
  • dunktim, on 06/30/2008, -7/+3"***** you Edwin, you good-for-nothing piece of *****," Mendicus was overheard as saying while angrily clicking the "Refresh" button on his web browser 14 times after pitcher Edwin Jackson loaded the bases with three straight walks. "Throw the ball over the goddamn plate. I need a win here, you idiot. I'm getting killed in wins."
  • CarStan, on 06/30/2008, -5/+2This could only happen in Fantasy baseball, the best game.
  • matty80211, on 06/30/2008, -4/+1Buried for staleness. This is almost 2 weeks old!
    • mllawso, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2It's probably still good if it's been refrigerated the whole time.
  • oxymoron69, on 06/30/2008, -12/+5Baseball? Ew.... GO BACK TO ESPN or something, only Americans and Japs like baseball.
    I know it's the onion, but... baseball is more boring than golf.
    • sgtawol, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3On TV I agree. In the stadium with $7 beers and dollar dog night, there are few places I would rather be...
  • vampiregirl, on 06/30/2008, -4/+1If you like fantasy baseball but don't want to root for players on other teams, try using historical players. You can even have players from the 1800's on your team.

    Barnstorming: http://www.thetoolsofignorance.com/games/barnstorm ...
  • cuptocanada, on 06/30/2008, -2/+4I submitted this same article about a week ago... http://digg.com/baseball/Fantasy_Baseball_Owner_Ri ...
  • modsuperstar, on 06/30/2008, -1/+6Oh Digg. What happened to you man? You've changed. You used to be cool. Now look at you. Bringing me Onion articles I read on Stumble Upon 2 weeks ago. I thought you were better then that.
  • louiss19, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Great, hilarious!! My team is first, btw...
  • titan9000, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3OZZIE GUILLEN, where are youuuuuuu?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (of my four teams 2 are in 1st and the others are in 5 and 6 out of 11 and 12 respectively)
  • nobleexperiment, on 06/30/2008, -1/+1Your team is full of suck if your roster includes Christian Guzman for $33 and Matt Morris for $40. Just saying to the owner who thinks his "Uggla Stick" will mysteriously transform to a Robinson Cano-WUPASS on his team for performing better than mine (hi. Ty Wigginton for $25. Thanks. Any digg ups or downs for sympathies for the sake of keeping Ty Wigginton will be greatful to any Roto Owners out there) >(
  • aguynamedben, on 06/30/2008, -1/+2post all star break salary cap fantasy baseball on Facebook starting in a few weeks. winner gets an ipod...

    http://apps.facebook.com/salarycap-allstar/
  • Duositex, on 06/30/2008, -2/+2I hate the onion.
  • bluenash, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1I thought I smelt onions.
  • mercenarybw, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Those team names were too funny, reminds me of my league. Hell my name is SwishDaViking (after Nick Swisher).
  • SuperBeast, on 07/01/2008, -0/+1At least he isn't managing the Mariners.
  • jizzlies, on 07/01/2008, -0/+2I've given up and resorted the the stupid (yet funny) strategy proposed on this website:
    http://www.bofads.com/stories/sports.htm
  •  

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