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GOOGLE Acquires Roman Catholic Church for $1.8bn

badoozie.com — In a joint press conference this morning held at Google ’s HQ in Mountain view, California, GOOGLE Inc. (NASDAQ:GOOG) and the Vatican announced that the Internet search giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church for an undisclosed number of GOOGLE shares and a staggering $1.8bn in capital. The deal will give GOOGLE exclusive rights to the bible.

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  • 11Christine, on 07/07/2008, -3/+16I would love to see Sergey Brin becoming the new Pope =)
    • Iztikeit, on 07/07/2008, -6/+0As if Christianity doesn't have enough problems, though I'm sure he could make Catholicism as profitable as it was at its height, yeah!
    • cawpin, on 07/07/2008, -1/+21Site's that aren't should not try to be The Onion.
    • Bleue, on 07/07/2008, -1/+4He'd probably get the title renamed to Poople.
    • PabloMac, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2The Catholic church doesn't own the rights to the Bible.
  • Aliwalla, on 07/07/2008, -5/+40So I guess that just throws the whole "Do No Evil" thing out the window then?
    • f3l1x, on 07/07/2008, -0/+9No they are laying off all the incumbent staff, so all the evil's being taken care of. Google just wanted the branding rights to "God".
  • azher, on 07/07/2008, -2/+5to do something for God not bat at all
  • industryfinest, on 07/07/2008, -2/+8This is scary, Hell Google truly thinks it's GOD!
    • phillipj06, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1But that is because it is.
      • Kikinou, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1They're building Skynet now anyway...
    • rpgmaker, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1Well, I can actually see and use Google on a daily basis, that's more of what God can say for himself!
  • BennyGreenberg, on 07/07/2008, -1/+51Our Father who art the search engine?
    • SolidBones, on 07/07/2008, -0/+28hallowed be thy domain
      • Hiki, on 07/07/2008, -0/+23Thy kingdom come, thy search be done
      • billbugger, on 07/07/2008, -0/+15On Earth as it is on the Internets
      • Loaferz, on 07/07/2008, -1/+9And forgive us our google bombing.
      • freebird09, on 07/07/2008, -1/+10As we forgive those who search on yahoo.
      • unloud, on 07/07/2008, -2/+12Give us this day, our daily porn, and forgive us our rickrolls...as we forgive those who've rickrolled against us. and lead us not into goatse, but deliver us from /b/. RaMEN.
      • idavidtang, on 07/07/2008, -0/+7And lead us not into viruses,
      • ezran, on 07/07/2008, -2/+7Give us this day, our daily Pagerank.
      • nmckinlay, on 07/07/2008, -0/+8But deliver us from Microsoft.
      • NexusV2, on 07/07/2008, -1/+1Truly well done guys!

        "Why I love Digg!"

        @unloud - Next time, keep the rhythm ;)

        I officially claim this as the hymn of the internets!

        WHOS WITH ME!
  • josher565, on 07/07/2008, -3/+38Holy Mother full of grace, can i haz a cheeseburger?!?!?!?!
  • Fangsinmybeard, on 07/07/2008, -11/+4Holy mother *****, child raper full of hate, make sure to throw in the 13 trillion that Nazi youth is holding onto.
  • ivan423, on 07/07/2008, -26/+4Fake. Not real. That will never happen.

    I checked other news sources, and they don't mention anything about it.
    • thesupergeek, on 07/07/2008, -1/+21erm, its on a comedy site ofcourse its fake :P I cant actually believe you have took your time to check other news sources :)
      • ivan423, on 07/07/2008, -5/+2Oh, you are right. I didn't even read the header.
      • TheHayze, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Yeah, I almost got my hopes up. D:
    • RookieExpert, on 07/07/2008, -4/+2I concur! Its a hoax. Interesting to read, but not possible.

      From an article about hoaxes : the most ridiculous forward was the one doing the rounds a few years back, that stated how Bill Gates had just fixed a deal with the Pope to buy the Catholic Church and use Vatican City as an international headquarters to sell religious software and gain a controlling interest in Church affairs.
      "The email said that priests would listen to confessions on-line via the new Microsoft Network. And that people could receive Communion without having to leave home, now how dumb could one be to believe all this!
      This email was suppose to be a joke, but many people missed the humour in the story. "

      You can read the article here : http://www.webupon.com/E-mail/Ready-or-Not-Forward ...

    • freebird09, on 07/07/2008, -1/+0Did you drop you "/sarcasm" tag?
    • darkfus, on 07/07/2008, -1/+2FAIL
  • pitchblack16, on 07/07/2008, -0/+4clearly, google is close to world domination
  • smartcause, on 07/07/2008, -0/+16Next stop: Google acquires United States Federal Government. The good news: Tax returns come in the form of Google stock, the bad news: everyone's day care is going up 75%
    • f3l1x, on 07/07/2008, -0/+5Then the company changed it's name to Buy n' Large. etc. etc. etc.
  • panasianbiz, on 07/07/2008, -4/+1Something tells me that Google and the Roman Catholic church deserve one another.
  • Bluetar, on 07/07/2008, -15/+4Pure *****. This is the same type of story that was circulated years ago, but it was Microsoft back then, not Google.
  • staffell, on 07/07/2008, -0/+3If only..
  • BoonTobias, on 07/07/2008, -3/+8now the priests can easily google fresh altar boys
  • sgiffy, on 07/07/2008, -0/+6That price seems a little low given all the land they own. But I guess you have to discount it somewhat given that its full of useless churches made of very heavy rocks.
    • sgtpppr, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1And only the largest collection of western art on the planet. You know...all that priceless stuff.
      • sgiffy, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Well you can burn the paintings pretty easily, but fair point on the statues.
  • Rizzler, on 07/07/2008, -0/+3Does this mean that I can no longer google image search for nudes?

    Moderate safe search = off!
    • freebird09, on 07/07/2008, -0/+0NOTE* The images you searched for may contain un-puritanical content, it is strongly advised you press the back button and receive religious counseling.
    • ElTomacco, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Quite the opposite. This means its no longer a sin to look at porn, as long as its through a Google image search.
  • AlienMushroom, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1I thought we can search full text of bible n Google already...
  • Barackalypse, on 07/07/2008, -1/+10My guess is that the Roman Catholic Church could probably buy Google. They've got 1 billion followers, some prime real estate in nearly every major city on earth, priceless cultural artifacts, and one of the most recognized spokespersons on the planet. What does Google have? Ad revenue. I'll take a billion followers anyday.
  • snoguy986, on 07/07/2008, -6/+1Am I the only one who noticed that this is filed under "Offbeat >> Comedy"?
  • blackhole005, on 07/07/2008, -2/+15Meh. It's like an Onion article, except it's not clever or all that funny.
  • obsolite, on 07/07/2008, -1/+20The Onion called...
  • Pake, on 07/07/2008, -0/+15Does this mean the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button will be changed to "I'm Feeling Guided"?
  • deusny, on 07/07/2008, -7/+2is this the onion, because i haven't seen a comment on it. and i'm lazy

    thanks!

    p.s. - but can it run crysis?
  • Barackalypse, on 07/07/2008, -1/+3Two front page stories within 10 minutes of each and both with roughly 150 Diggs each? I really wish Digg would hire some mathematicians to develop a model to prevent the system from getting gamed by people promoting their sites.
  • Mosz, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2no badoozie, onion, or bbspot links, sheesh.
  • thirdcoastborn, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2first order of business..... get rid of all the priest child predators
  • tykwondingo, on 07/07/2008, -1/+4I wish.

    Dugg for google is founded on facts, not fairy tales :D
  • oxymonkey, on 07/07/2008, -0/+0Google finally made the move to support anonymous. WooHoo!
  • thegodfaza, on 07/07/2008, -0/+4This is a joke right? I hope...
  • thembx, on 07/07/2008, -0/+8I immediately looked for "theonion.com" under the title.
  • HenvY, on 07/07/2008, -3/+6Not funny.
    • cJw314, on 07/07/2008, -3/+2Sure it is!

      Obviously *****, though, as the Roman Catholic Church is worth much, much more than a piddly 1,800,000,000.

      Learn to laugh at yourself; you'll live longer. : )
      • HenvY, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1If I was laughing at myself 24/7 this still wouldn't be funny.
  • SolidBones, on 07/07/2008, -2/+6Wow guys. The Onion doesn't have exclusive rights to mock articles, you know....
    • AverageJoe, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1yeah but they set the bar, not an extremely high bar mind you, but a bar none the less... and this site is made of fail in comparison...
  • ElBeh, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2Gogle cache: http://64.233.169.104/search?q=cache:1-o65-nuNI8J: ...
  • baudbwoy, on 07/07/2008, -1/+1and then there was google.
  • mrhedges, on 07/07/2008, -0/+6It's not even slightly believable. I know it's a joke, but the Catholic church is one of the largest land owners in the world (if not THE largest). $1.8B + shares is just a ridiculous assumption of its worth.
  • ansatsu29, on 07/07/2008, -2/+1whoa! it almost got me there.
  • billbugger, on 07/07/2008, -1/+1Well there goes Creationism
  • klipseracer, on 07/07/2008, -1/+1syke!
  • Hetman, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1I tried to laugh at this, it being a joke in all. But in all reality it sounds like something a Religion would do. God might be all knowing, all powerful, and all loving, but he sures seems to ask for a lot of money from his followers. Maybe he should have took a finiance class or something.
    • cJw314, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1It's all His money anyway; He made everything, duh.
  • MattFromSeattle, on 07/07/2008, -2/+1So they'll be changing the 'I'm feeling lucky' button to 'I feel blessed'?
  • Bleue, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Judging by the comments it is amazing how many people think this real.

    To think that the roman catholic church could be bought for 1.8Billion was I thought, ludicrous enough that everyone would get the spoof. The Vatican's real estate holdings alone (worldwide) are worth way way wayyyyy more than this.
  • Duositex, on 07/07/2008, -1/+3Buried for lamely imitating the onion, which in itself is lame.
  • billizm, on 07/07/2008, -0/+4The Catholic Church is such a business, it is probably worth much more than Google.
  • BananaStickers, on 07/07/2008, -2/+1Um yeah...April 1st was 3 months ago...a little late aren't we?
  • Brassbud, on 07/07/2008, -0/+0I wouldn't be surpirised if the Church was worth tens of trillions of USD. How many shares of Google is that nowadays? 15- 20, tops?
  • cJw314, on 07/07/2008, -1/+1Everyone who thought people were idiots for thinking this was a real article are idiots for thinking people are such idiots.
  • darkane, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1The most laughable part about this is that badoozie thinks he's funny.

    badoozie tweets: I think I am going to start the marketing of badoozie today (about 10 hours ago)

    Digg story submitted 9h 49m ago. If your entire marketing strategy is to rely on Digg, you're in for a fail.
  • understudy, on 07/07/2008, -0/+3The Google-is-huge, Google-has-lots-of-money, Google-will-control-the-world stories are getting really old. But hey, that's just my opinion.

    _
  • jaykeating, on 07/07/2008, -0/+0The Church is probably worth allot more than 1.8bn...
  • AAACopywriter, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Yay, great! :D
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