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How Not To Fake A Heart Attack watch!

break.com — If your going to pick some kinda of sudden sickness to fake your way out of a court appearance, don't choose a heart attack because once they check your vitals its a tough one to stick with.

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  • gregMF, on 07/04/2008, -2/+134you're doing it wrong
    http://www.todaystmj4.com/news/local/23084334.html

  • chamblah, on 07/04/2008, -11/+188that's is very fun, and at the same time, difficult to watch
    • merdiesel, on 07/06/2008, -35/+3Difficult only for the fact that damn judge won't just stfu and end the *****. That's my tax dollars flushed down the drain every 10 minutes she waste on that dumb ass. It was funny though when the girl stuck his finger up the guys nose..
      • mikeon, on 07/06/2008, -0/+24Remember, this is all being recorded on video, audio, and by the court recorder. This is all on records just for the future in case he tries to say something about how he was treated.
      • ricodued, on 07/06/2008, -0/+4I'm not sure that we pay for trials by the minute, sir.
    • i11uminati, on 07/06/2008, -1/+26I can't understand why, but I also felt uncomfortable while watching it. Maybe it's the repressed guilt from taking so many "sick" days.
      • rentmitchum, on 07/06/2008, -0/+84Pffft, you don't feel guilty. Sick days are awesome. I took a sick day on every birthday I've had since I've been out of high school, and look at me! I'm currently unemployed! Every day is a sick day! WOOO

        *sobs quietly, wiping his eyes with a piece of paper from a mound of overdue bills*

        Blarg, my heart!
      • sabach, on 07/06/2008, -1/+15@rentmitchum You must be Dr Zoidberg...
      • Navicerts, on 07/06/2008, -0/+16Its one of those times someone does something so stupid that you feel stupid by proxy. Didn't you have one of those kinds in school? The kid that always asks something so dumb all you can do is face palm?
    • NeelxSarkar, on 07/06/2008, -29/+6***** stole my bike!
      • TheTaoOfBill, on 07/06/2008, -1/+8Did he steal your sense of humor and originality as well?
      • alex7575, on 07/06/2008, -0/+4How do you steal something that doesn't exist?
    • flano1, on 07/06/2008, -1/+9I love the way no one bats an eyelid, except for the two cops at the back.
      • chaoswings, on 07/06/2008, -0/+8Prosecutor : "It's the third time this week someone has tried this....sir, we are not impressed. The nurse says your fine. Get on with it"
  • jakash, on 07/04/2008, -1/+119He should have tried diarrhea - at least they won't check that. Or even better, not be such an idiot in the first place.
    • AmyVernon, on 07/05/2008, -0/+56the husband of a friend of mine did that once to get out of a speeding ticket (pretending to have diarrhea). it worked. the cop didn't even want to deal with it.
      • Rolcol, on 07/06/2008, -22/+5Reminds me of a joke I heard.

        "
        4 guys were applying for a job as the Wal-mart greeter and all four of them were being interviewed at the same time.

        The interviewer asked them to respond to the same question each.
        'What's the fastest thing you can think of?' He said.

        1st guy- 'A thought! Before you know it you've got a way to make money.'
        2nd guy- 'Your eye blinking! You do it without thinking and it's gone in less than a second.'
        3rd guy- 'Pssh, Everyone knows it's light. Nothing can go faster than that.'
        4th guy- 'Hm...' he spends a few seconds thinking of his answer. 'I would have to say... Diarrhea. Before you can think, blink, or turn on the lights, it's in your pants.'

        Who do you think got hired?
        "
      • cygnus2112, on 07/06/2008, -0/+15Probably not the guy who ***** his pants.
      • chaoswings, on 07/06/2008, -0/+1If you think about it that's not so smart either. The cop could simply take down his plate and name or wait him out. It all depends on how much balls the cop has.
    • seaofcheese, on 07/06/2008, -1/+2That is the best way to call in sick for work. I have done it 2 or 3 times in the last 3 years they never question it.
      • GassyTurd, on 07/06/2008, -0/+2Whenever I pull a "tubgirl" in the boss's office, he usually lets me go home.
    • joegibes, on 07/06/2008, -0/+1What's with all these crazy stories coming out of Wisconsin lately? First the BBQ guy, and now this!

      I can't wait for Brett Favre's second coming to end this tribulation.
    • kajoob, on 07/06/2008, -0/+3Believe it or not, that works.

      I'm an attorney and about 3 weeks ago I was moments away from trial with my client and I swear to you, the guy just literally ***** his pants. I don't know if it's because he was seriously afraid or if he was trying to get out of going to trial. Whichever it was, it worked - the judge continued the trial until November.
      • GassyTurd, on 07/06/2008, -0/+0Hmmm. Laxatives could come in handy.
  • Red1Delta, on 07/05/2008, -61/+6I saw some old black lady on the news try that same trick a few days ago. But instead she was facing the ground....and in a hospital.

    And then I sang.......

    Allllllllll by my sellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllf

  • nitesoIja, on 07/05/2008, -52/+527its a special kind of heart attack only black people get, of course no one in court would understand because their white and racist
    • sgtbutterscotch, on 07/06/2008, -0/+45no, its just angina coupled with narcolepsy
    • banmaster, on 07/06/2008, -12/+196* 'they're'
    • i11uminati, on 07/06/2008, -21/+4It's called sickle-cell.
    • TheInformer, on 07/06/2008, -1/+9He looked like a little boy that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Even his mother though would have been embarrassed by that pathetic display of histrionics.
    • yepme02, on 07/06/2008, -10/+5Fox News? Is that you?
    • xtractor, on 07/06/2008, -1/+25Schools need to spend the entire 3rd grade teaching the difference between their, there and they're.
    • nottidredd, on 07/06/2008, -1/+7sickle cell?
    • RuyGuy, on 07/06/2008, -9/+2"They're"
    • Crass22, on 07/06/2008, -7/+1honestly, who cares if he said their instead of theyre (oh no, i didnt use an apostrophe!!!). It reads exactly the same, and unless ur a tard you should be able to figure out what he means.
      • RuyGuy, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Because it's something you should know once you're in 3rd grade. It's not a lack of an apostrophe, it's actually a completely different word. If he had said "theyre", I probably wouldn't have cared.
    • Rockwell3, on 07/06/2008, -5/+9You know, you white folks always want to make snide comments about black people and our constant use of the race card as if it's baseless, however if you jump on X-Box live, or Playstation online for just 10 minutes and you can hear the blatant racist ideology. This also includes any forum where you don't have the fear of being voted down. Point is just because most white people aren't racist in the public domain, it doesn't mean when they are under the shroud of anonymity that they can't just be their racist selves. If you've seen a video online where some one does something stupid and he's black and you've never left a "dumb *****" or any of its many equivalents then I'm not talking to you. But if you have, then you're racist; and that's cool, but just quit trying to convince the world that you are not.
      • eyefork2, on 07/06/2008, -4/+7I think most of those people are saying racist things just for the hell of it, or playing off the comedy of unnecessary racism. Just because you say racist things doesn't necessarily mean you are a racist. Also, there are trolls, and you sir are troll bait. The internet is not a place for the sensitive.
      • kaelyiesta, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1Its less racism and more assholism. Because its so offensive in this country, these kids will say it, just like they will say anything that gets attention.

        Its a product of our social system of raising kids. Put them in the hell that is the public school system and what do you expect? Most kids aren't racist, white or whatever. They are just completely cruel.
  • louiebaur, on 07/05/2008, -3/+58What a moron!
  • taylorblue, on 07/05/2008, -22/+4That was pretty bad...but what if he was really in trouble??
    • YancyFryJr, on 07/13/2008, -1/+15If he was really in trouble, he wouldn't look like that.
    • Schreck1, on 07/06/2008, -1/+14well, the judge was informed beforehand that he would ytry something like this and they check your vitals and once they do that, you're screwed
    • grexeo, on 07/06/2008, -7/+4He dies. That's what you get for crying wolf.
      • Schreck1, on 07/06/2008, -1/+9If he was crying wolf, he wouldn't die.
      • aComa, on 07/06/2008, -0/+0Crying Wolf dies. It's ***** hysterical.
    • Murdats, on 07/06/2008, -0/+17well the judge mentioned that he was checked by medical emegency police, a nurse and some other people I cant remember, so I would say they may possibly have some idea.
  • einrobstein, on 07/05/2008, -4/+34Someone please help me with this. I can vaguely remember a scene from a movie or a description of an event from a movie where in order to get an insanity plea a guy puts extra chunky peanut butter in his asscrack, goes into court, sticks his hand down his pants and comes up with a handful of PB, then licks it right in front of the judge. Where is this from?????
    • SnedSneeden, on 07/05/2008, -1/+42Your thinking of the movie "Training Day".
      • einrobstein, on 07/05/2008, -0/+14Thanks! That was driving me crazy.
      • db0255, on 07/06/2008, -0/+34Dugg for that happening to me all the time.
      • banmaster, on 07/06/2008, -0/+22Reaching down people's pants to scoop out and eat crack-butter?
      • VinnieDaMac, on 07/06/2008, -2/+5What?! I don't remember that. Man I need to watch that movie again. Awesome movie.
      • LuckyASN, on 07/06/2008, -3/+2It was never shown. Denzel (I think) told that story to show how broken the system is.
      • machocheese34, on 07/06/2008, -0/+8When he goes to buy the warrant one of the judges tells the story
      • cygnus2112, on 07/06/2008, -1/+9Creamy or chunky?
  • GoGoPoCoSo, on 07/06/2008, -1/+321that must have been awkward as *****.
    • sgtbutterscotch, on 07/06/2008, -0/+141I hate when you realize you plan has failed and you have a decision to make, to roll with it, or to explain everything and save what little dignity you can...and then you make the wrong decision and it just gets awkward for everybody.
    • xxMarka, on 07/06/2008, -15/+5BLACK
    • crsd36, on 07/06/2008, -0/+21It must've been even more so when he got up later on
  • damian7, on 07/06/2008, -19/+4And the academy goes to...
  • Sbebo, on 07/06/2008, -10/+1Sleepy sleepy sleepy...
  • ufia, on 07/06/2008, -2/+534"I'm dead, your honor"
  • solique, on 07/06/2008, -9/+70I want to watch the rest of the trial.
    • lbdinh, on 07/06/2008, -2/+14Why? You've just seen the highlights.
  • 3amboo, on 07/06/2008, -19/+82DON'T TAZE ME BRO! i'm sleeping (-_-)zZzzzZZzz
  • IntegralKing, on 07/06/2008, -5/+128most bad-ass judge ever
    • Joe_rigby, on 07/06/2008, -19/+8You, sir, have not seen Judge Judy.

      Good day.
      • iplen, on 07/06/2008, -14/+7I ***** hate that bitch. That cocky old self-serving son of a bitch needs to step down and find a man and have some children.... and STAY home.
      • mrASSMAN, on 07/06/2008, -4/+10Yeah Judy can suck a fat throbbing dick.. Judge Mathis however, is bad ass.
      • jazzguitar18, on 07/06/2008, -2/+3thats exactly what I was going to say! what are the odds?~!!?!
    • utahnkid, on 07/06/2008, -9/+2If stuttering makes you badass.
    • asus2000, on 07/06/2008, -1/+5She's smarter than he is...
    • AnOMNOMymous, on 07/07/2008, -0/+3I actually found her speech to him pretty crappy. I guess judges can't all be as good as the ones in the movies.
  • YancyFryJr, on 07/13/2008, -7/+348Wow, she called him out immediately. Awesome.
    • jazboy, on 07/06/2008, -2/+19if by immediately you mean 30 minutes later then yeah
    • awfulgrace, on 07/06/2008, -2/+18Yeah, she references some earlier shenanigans - so she's clearly got his number and is just fed up.

      It's very refreshing to see someone unafraid to cut through the BS!
      • dagnome1984, on 07/06/2008, -0/+9It was 30 minutes later. Watch it again and look at the jump in the time code.
  • mrsammercer, on 07/06/2008, -3/+68Aww, I thought he was going to pop up with some kind of witty retort at the end there.
  • Pusod, on 07/06/2008, -2/+23Let's take this to viral status shall we? When this hits the front page, even his cellmate will know! It's over for his ego!
    • MtheoryX, on 07/06/2008, -0/+4I didn't realize there were any ego issues in prison at all.

      I mean, not a damn one of them got away with it, right?
    • Synyk, on 07/06/2008, -1/+5his cell mates check digg? lol wtf. is that something they do after shower rape and before infiltrating drugs from the outside?
      • Pusod, on 07/06/2008, -0/+3I see that my idiom went completely over your head. WOOOSH!
  • mbonzo531, on 07/06/2008, -14/+5I used to act like that to get a sick day from elementary school.
  • Loco801, on 07/06/2008, -1/+254why does he continue to fake it throughout the video, just give up dude.
    • Navicerts, on 07/06/2008, -0/+4he was trying to call the judges bluff maybe, but it wasn't a bluff!
    • Roland1232, on 07/06/2008, -0/+36It's called "committing to the role". Or "going down with the ship", one of those.
    • MtheoryX, on 07/06/2008, -2/+7He's a method actor.
  • Schreck1, on 07/06/2008, -9/+2D-U-M-B-A-S-S
  • naeim, on 07/06/2008, -9/+59I'm impressed by how the judge handled the situation. Bravo.
    • allocate, on 07/06/2008, -1/+8Yeah, she deserves some kind of patience award.
  • dave8910, on 07/06/2008, -2/+31R.I.P.
  • Pusod, on 07/06/2008, -0/+328He later died... from embarrassment.
  • hit9ent, on 07/06/2008, -2/+48that fall was priceless.
    • MtheoryX, on 07/06/2008, -0/+1Everything that led up to, and happened after, that fall was horrible acting.

      But that fall was the best thing I've seen on Break.com in quite a while.
    • AnOMNOMymous, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1I know. Someone make a gif.
  • TheShero, on 07/06/2008, -22/+41. FAIL at life by committing some bs crime
    2. FAIL in court by faking a heart attack
    3. ...
    4. PROFIT!!!
  • DrZocktahedron, on 07/06/2008, -3/+77So,
    Did he win?
    • DefaultGen, on 07/06/2008, -2/+78No, he was later sentenced to death.
      • whoaohh, on 07/06/2008, -1/+18This shouldn't be as funny as it is.
    • cliffclaven26, on 07/06/2008, -14/+1Best. Retort. Ever! Well played.
  • BuffalOBisoN, on 07/06/2008, -13/+1One word : Chifferobe. If you don't know what that means you aren't supposed to.
    • jimmick, on 07/06/2008, -0/+17That's the most pathetic To Kill a Mockingbird reference I've ever read.
      Do you really think you're undermining anyone by making a reference to a book you most likely read because your school forced you to?
      It doesn't even make sense.
      I'm going to eat some icecream
    • noahgelman, on 07/06/2008, -1/+5If that was the most pathetic To Kill a Mockingbird reference you ever read, then what was the best one? You don't really see many of them
      • tweetsa, on 07/06/2008, -2/+1the one where it ends up with robots, and floating castles, and dragons shooting flaming lightsabers while the final count down is playing
      • MtheoryX, on 07/06/2008, -0/+1The one that ends with "The Aristorcrats!!!"
  • blaze03, on 07/06/2008, -6/+21++++ respect for the judge, and all judges really for having to put up with ***** like this in such a dignified manner. Couldn't that dude be held in contempt of court or something like that?
  • deathfix, on 07/06/2008, -4/+65Oh lordy! This is the big one! I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth! This is it!

    http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/demasterk/sa ...
    • ManHammer, on 07/06/2008, -1/+2its pronounced " 'lizabet " for the record
  • GDOG5, on 07/06/2008, -0/+10Yes mate! Keep going, I believe in you. Those medics have got nothing!
  • DroogInPhoenix, on 07/06/2008, -3/+25They should shoot him and see if he moves.
  • goosegoosegoose, on 07/06/2008, -2/+19Excuse me hold up a sec. Your honor excuse me for a second. I-I need some time.

    HAHAHAHA, this video is amazing.
  • Berkana, on 07/06/2008, -8/+125It would have been funnier if they had pronounced him dead and put him in a body bag and took him to the morgue. I'd like to see him explain himself after he "resurrects".
    • KMartSheriff, on 07/06/2008, -5/+23Way to steal that comment from Imyurdaddy on the site.

      "pronounced him dead, put him in a body bag, the whole friggin 9 yards. And filmed the whole thing."

      At least quote and give credit where credit's due.
      • badenglishihave, on 07/06/2008, -3/+3In other news, Berkana got totally served!
    • 0zzy, on 07/06/2008, -0/+3"I'm Tupac, biatch!"
    • uptwolait, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Or slapped the defibrillation paddles on him.
  • wilhoitm, on 07/06/2008, -0/+97Man who represents himself gets 42 years By Lou Grieco Staff Writer Monday, June 30, 2008 DAYTON — The second time Keison Wilkins acted as his own attorney for a felonious assault trial didn't work out so well. Montgomery County Common Pleas Judge Mary Katherine Huffman sentenced Wilkins to 42 years in prison Monday, June 30. The sentencing capped off a week of Wilkins' antics, which frequently caused Huffman to clear the courtroom.
  • yowhasoy, on 07/06/2008, -0/+24This is what happens when you watch too much Judge Judy and you think the courtroom is some sort of playground.

    Too many people think that they can fool people by being complete idiots
    • publiclurker, on 07/06/2008, -3/+5Man why does every story have to devolve into a comment against Bush.
  • bigspooon, on 07/06/2008, -0/+101i just wonder what he did after the 5 minutes were over.

    im hoping he just stood back up and continued presenting his case like nothing ever happened. that would be awesome.
    • tehcatrabbit, on 07/06/2008, -2/+23...then the real heart attack hits him.
      • badenglishihave, on 07/06/2008, -2/+9lol "boy who cried wolf" kinda thing, that would be hilarious. Who's burying this guy anyways?
  • blackmesa, on 07/06/2008, -0/+18Just proves the adage that "anyone who represents himself has a fool for a client". This is a particularly extreme example of this!

    EDIT: Did anyone notice the guy sitting behind him didn't even budge when he collapsed??
    • Tr33fiddy, on 07/06/2008, -1/+3Yeah, I like to think that he DID have a heart attack and everyone was too preoccupied with the other guy to notice.
  • Pusod, on 07/06/2008, -0/+23Defendant Feigns Death... Judge applies counter spell... Defendant gets 42 years in prison! WOW!
    • rentmitchum, on 07/06/2008, -0/+21He rolled a 1 on his Bluff check, the judge rolled a 20 on her Sense Motive, the medics rolled over 15 on their heal checks, and then the guy rolled a 1 on his Willpower check to not react to smelling salts (if that's what they were).

      Everything can be explained in D&D terms. That's just how we roll.
    • fef560, on 07/06/2008, -0/+12everyone knows feign death doesn't work in pvp
    • TheInformer, on 07/06/2008, -0/+2It's funny that the medics were there in the courtroom, waiting for him.
    • Suprfire, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1counterspell isn't effective against feign death sorrryyyy.
  • and303, on 07/06/2008, -7/+9That'd be funny if he actually died at the end of this.
    • jazzguitar18, on 07/06/2008, -0/+22/2 hmm I'm indecisive which way to go here.
    • mrzisme, on 07/06/2008, -1/+1If he died the judge would be in some deep *****, and it would still be hilarious.
      • wildsnake, on 07/06/2008, -0/+3Why? The Judge didn't check him, the medics did
  • Joe_rigby, on 07/06/2008, -1/+3I think you're threatened by a woman who is in a position of power.
  • LeeDoyle, on 07/06/2008, -1/+6This is hard to watch. I bet he really wishes he did die when he knows this is online.
    • i38warhawk, on 07/06/2008, -0/+3I bet he doesn't care much considering he has 42 years in prison and is almost 34.
  • rentmitchum, on 07/06/2008, -3/+14He's the best MAYNE, he diiid it.
    • kr3mliyn, on 07/06/2008, -0/+10You sir receive a "Hip Hop is dead!", commemorative 40oz.
  • Sepeteus, on 07/06/2008, -0/+6He probably have watched recently the episode of King of Queens where Doug fakes a heart attack to get out of an awkward situation.
  • SillyDigger, on 07/06/2008, -2/+11He was on trial for shooting a man 6 times in 2004
  • RAT-Man, on 07/06/2008, -1/+1Hilarious.
  • YodaJones, on 07/06/2008, -3/+1If you lookup ***** idiot in the dictionary there is a picture of this guy.
    • jbozzy, on 07/06/2008, -0/+10I doubt that. I would assume just the definition of the word idiot is there... which he ***** is.
  • mattyohe, on 07/06/2008, -1/+137He was convicted to 42 years in prison:

    http://www.daytondailynews.com/n/content/oh/story/ ...
    • altinnovation, on 07/06/2008, -0/+8The dude got more than a multiple-count child rapist for possessing a weapon and firing it (and not hitting anything).
      • ribo, on 07/06/2008, -0/+4My guess would be 3rd strike. He was a *felon* in possession of a gun.
    • TheInformer, on 07/06/2008, -0/+13LOL! Read through the article and you come across this clip:
      "Wilkins, 33, who has an eighth-grade education,"
      Guess the middle school musicals didn't prepare him for court.

      On another note, it's sad that people only get that far in school and then try to make it in society.
      • asus2000, on 07/06/2008, -1/+7What's sad is the billions of dollars that were spent in busing and affirmative action (50 years worth) with the promise of improving the education and assimilation of this community...and now billions more are spent prosecuting.
      • EwMo, on 07/06/2008, -0/+1Hey, he "made it" the first time
      • mrremy, on 07/06/2008, -1/+2Asus2000: What do you mean, with the "promise of improving the education..." I'm white (if it even matters), went through the public school system up through high school, and am now attending a public university going into junior year. What is exactly so bad about the public school system? It's not a problem with the system as you are insinuating, it's a problem of the PERSON.
      • asus2000, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1mrremy: You didn't get what I was saying... Desegregation, busing, affirmative action, all blew up in the face of America. Just think of how we wouldn't be 10 trillion in debt right now if there wasn't a ball and chain attached to every city... Think about it.
    • MidnightRIder77, on 07/06/2008, -0/+7"On Thursday, he apparently faked a heart attack, collapsing to the floor while uninterested observers watched."

      I like how the writer points out that no one gave a damn that he collapsed on the ground.
    • 5plic3r, on 07/06/2008, -1/+1The word you're looking for is "sentenced", not "convicted".
  • paradisetonight, on 07/06/2008, -1/+7they should have gave him a couple of shocks if he was having a heartattack
  • jimmick, on 07/06/2008, -13/+6Since when was it legal to video tape court proceedings?
    Sorry if I'm missing something
    • RogueMountie, on 07/06/2008, -1/+6Depends on what country you live in.
    • mattyohe, on 07/06/2008, -3/+23You do realize you could've also been present in the courtroom with this guy... right? Court is open to the public. The supreme court on the other hand is private.

      I would recommend reading up on this subject to gain at least some semblance on how the United States courts system conducts itself.

      • standfst, on 07/06/2008, -0/+15the supreme court is open to the public as well. it's only open on a first come, first serve basis and seating is limited. but they do have a few "express" seats where you can view a few minutes of the supreme court in action, but it's only like 10 mins and the next person gets your seat.
      • utahnkid, on 07/06/2008, -2/+3I think he's talking about how some courts don't even allow pictures unless some dude draws them, let alone video. Legitimate question.
      • garlicdeath, on 07/07/2008, -0/+0You do realize he said nothing nothing about it being open to the public? He asked about the legality of video taping the proceedings.

        Maybe you should try reading up on reading comprehension.
    • ahoyhoy1, on 07/06/2008, -5/+3You're missing a brain.
      • billbillbilly, on 07/06/2008, -1/+4here you can have this one, its from Abby Normal
    • uberdilly, on 07/06/2008, -0/+11It is the Judge's decision I believe whether or not to allow cameras. I guess you never have seen court tv.
    • no1ukn0w, on 07/06/2008, -0/+1Not only that, those are automated camera's the are triggered by the microphone. Like you commonly see in college classrooms. A lot of courthouses are conducting routine hearings (for criminals) over IPTV to reduce the cost and time it takes to bring prisoners to the courthouse from the jail. On the civil side the technology is used so experts/witness' (which most of the time are doctors) to testify live to a jury and not have to leave their practice.

      It is the judges' decision whether or not camera's are allowed. Federal Courthouses have been known to prohibit cell phones with cameras, while district courts almost always allow them so the judge can get media exposure and is typically seen as a much more open forum.

    • yosserhughes, on 07/06/2008, -1/+2They shoud've made it illegal after OJ.
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