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I Can Instantly Tell Whether Someone Is African-American Wit
theonion.com — I have this amazing gift. It's called "blackdar," and it enables me to tell whether someone is African-American without even knowing anything about them. To be honest, I don't know where I got the skill. But wherever I did, I can pass somebody on the street and just instantly know. Shared with Flock - The Social Web Browser http://flock.com
LewP- 531 diggs
- digg it
- AmyVernon, on 06/29/2008, -20/+7i frakkin' love the onion.
- consoneo, on 06/29/2008, -7/+3I'm glad you do. They'd be out of business if everyone thought of them what I do.
Bury me, cause I buried this. Zing!- thumperings, on 06/30/2008, -1/+2I wholeheartedly agree. Their shtick is cute once in awhile as a youtube video, but as a whole franchise I thikn it's SO PLAYED! This one was also really stupid. Anyone could write these things. Let's make one of our own. headline .. Firemen familiar with water who knew? Ants live in dirt ,, you don't say? etc etc rinse repeat.
- consoneo, on 06/29/2008, -7/+3I'm glad you do. They'd be out of business if everyone thought of them what I do.
- midoritsuru, on 06/29/2008, -1/+63Why does "blackdar" sound like the name of some sci-fi villain?
- ThatDustyGuy, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2More like the name of some Sci-fi channel movie villain.
- asus2000, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2Realtors and rental management companies have had it for years...
- matrixbandit, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Everyone except Steven Colbert, he is completely race blind.
- JettaMan, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1My Asiandar works, but I have a hard time telling them apart.
- nargalzius, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0Probably due to the fact that it's close to the sci-fi cartoon hero John Blackstar.
- atdigg, on 06/29/2008, -10/+4Peter Jennings passed away... this piece is old.
- kinglenster, on 06/29/2008, -4/+2It is officially from 2000 - 8 years old. Yet still funny. Good for people new to The Onion
- vsujohn2, on 06/29/2008, -5/+81Actually its easy to tell if someone is BLACK, but to tell if they are ACTUALLY from africa and now living in America is another thing entirely. I know its the onion, but we need to get over the whole "African" prefix. You don't call people who's great grandparents immigrated from germany German or European-Americans.
- Diggnabbit, on 06/29/2008, -13/+6Yes you do. (Well, I do.)
- vsujohn2, on 06/29/2008, -1/+17No I call them americans. If they were born in america and their grandparents were born in america, they are American! If they were to go to another country (blacks) would either be called american or black.
- m0n0kr0m3, on 06/30/2008, -2/+3How about Irish? There are probably more "Irish" in the US than in Ireland if you go by these people who call themselves "Irish" but are actually at least 2 to 3 generations removed from the motherland. I consider myself an "Earther" LOL funny how spell check doesn't even like the term...
- Laughsatyou, on 06/30/2008, -0/+5you mean Earthling?
- m0n0kr0m3, on 06/30/2008, -1/+5Maybe, but I prefer the former term.
- petebert, on 06/29/2008, -4/+15its easy to tell if someone is from africa, they wear 80's clothes. I worked with a guy from Sudan, he loved acid washed jeans.
- fabiosir, on 06/29/2008, -2/+5Please don't sweep my feet!
- Goblin, on 06/30/2008, -0/+15Acid wash jeans, huh? I believe you are confusing "Sudan" with "New Jersey".
- dragon76, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1It's an easy mistake to make.
- ileftfark, on 06/29/2008, -3/+19Exactly. What are white people from South Africa that move to the States called?
- pensivewombat, on 06/29/2008, -1/+21European-African-Americans
- datdamonfoo, on 06/29/2008, -10/+17I know you wanted to be cute with this question, but the real answer is Afrikaaner, or perhaps, more appropriately, Afrikaaner-American. They are not African-Americans. Look up Afrikaaner and you'll see your question probably isn't as astute as you believed.
- m0n0kr0m3, on 06/30/2008, -2/+16Earthlings? Human? Ladies or Gentlemen? Their names even?????
- BOFH2, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1I like humans myself.
- cdigioia, on 06/30/2008, -2/+6datdamonfoo is right, the term is Afrikaaners. Why are people burying them?
- loopyloopy, on 06/30/2008, -0/+13in Australia they're called CEOs
- m0n0kr0m3, on 06/30/2008, -1/+1@ cdigioia I'm not going to say why I really think people are burying him LOL, but look at the topic here. and look at this thread in particular.
- Gurezaemon, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2But as far as I was aware, not all white South Africans are Afrikaners - I thought there were a fair number of English speakers (i.e. originally from Britain, not the Netherlands).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglo-African#South_A ... - pbon, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3"Africaner" is a term with a bit of racial baggage, isn't it? "South African" is what the ones I've known referred to themselves as. Nice people.
Was it really in bad taste? I kind of thought since Nelson Mandela was their president that race relations had improved. That is what we want, right? Race relations to improve? - dragon76, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1South Africans are still pretty pissed because apartheid ended, Nelson Mandela became their president and even though Caucasians are a minority there, they still run everything.
http://www.npr.org/news/specials/mandela/ - pbon, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Allister Sparks Goes 'Inside the New South Africa'
http://www.npr.org/features/feature.php?wfId=18635 ...
"The road to the future is always under construction"
Wow, great quote and a great story too.. I HIGHLY recommend this piece for everybody.
The interview covers the social inequality that still obviously exists, but it really is a positive piece about the new South Africa and it's new middle class. It sounds like the new inclusive policy has rather spurred a significant growth in housing and finance, which is something that everybody can appreciate.
In fact, the man in another interview, Michael Eric Dyson, started his message saying "It's remarkable to think that within 10 years, this nation has made such huge strides toward real freedom--substantive liberation, and that 11 years ago, they were in the bowels of the most deadly form of oppression that one might imagine"
"The road to the future is always under construction"
- whaught, on 06/30/2008, -0/+14http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=yo ...
- gleongelpi, on 06/30/2008, -0/+5And what about people from northern Africa? Do you call them? Afro-Arabic-Americans? Or what if they are white South Africans? Euro-Afro-Americans? And what if they are a mix? Mulatto-Mestizo-Afro-Euro-Arabo-Hindu-Amerins-Americans?
- sovietninja, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3They call me the Vietnamexican.
- LeStratege, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3Well in North Africa you have a part that is from Arab descent (the Arabs invaded North Africa in the 8th century) and another part now called Berbers that descend from the population that was there before the Arabs (a mix of Phoenicians, i.e. Palestinaians, and Vandals, ie Germans). So Afro-Arabic-Americans OR Afro-Berber-Americans... :-o
- altinnovation, on 06/30/2008, -1/+9I agree. Black people that had great-great-great-great grandparents from Africa have nothing in common with Africa except for being black.
Just like you don't go out to Virginia and call them British or French, you shouldn't call black people African-Americans. Not to mention the fact that black people do not only come from Africa.- Bamont, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1"I agree. Black people that had great-great-great-great grandparents from Africa have nothing in common with Africa except for being black."
Right - and we all know how that's worked out for the majority of them. - dragon76, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1I have friend's from the D.R. and they are VERY insulted when people call them African Americans.
- cdigioia, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1@ Bamont - what's your point?
- Bamont, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1"I agree. Black people that had great-great-great-great grandparents from Africa have nothing in common with Africa except for being black."
- grbruner, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3more importantly mis categorizing a Jamaican or other black skinned person as African-American.
- Rickler, on 06/30/2008, -2/+2Jamaicans are from Africa tho...
- EmperorAwesome, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1How good's your blackdar?
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/shookdown/davematthews.j ... - RonaldLewis, on 06/30/2008, -2/+5Thanks to 'social conditioning', society will forever be calling anyone with any amount of colored skin, 'Black' or 'African-American.' I have to deal with these labels all the time. I have to tell people these two things:
1. Look at my skin -- Does it appear 'Black' to you?
2. I'm an 'American'. I wasn't born in Africa. I've never been to Africa. Thus, I'm not an 'African-American'
Race is such a ***** joke. It frustrates me to no end that most people haven't a clue about its origin or its purpose. It seems no one paid attention in 'Sociology', or sociologists aren't doing their damn job.- dragon76, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1My skin's not white, it's not even close to white. No one has EVER referred to me as a "Euro-American" or even Caucasian for that matter.
- randomsniper, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1Anybody remember the word *negro*?
Its the only valid word in this scenario.
Everything else is silliness.- cdigioia, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Or black, black works too. Like everyone's been saying, & that has the added bonus of not sounding like a white supremacist.
- Diggnabbit, on 06/29/2008, -13/+6Yes you do. (Well, I do.)
- Raiper, on 06/29/2008, -5/+11Don't ask, Don't Tell...
- healthyapples, on 06/29/2008, -22/+20so when your blackdar goes off does that mean a robbery just took place?
- Jones82, on 06/30/2008, -4/+14If you're going to be offensive it should at least be funny
- vstro24, on 07/02/2008, -0/+1yes, get your shotgun ready.
- MooKow, on 06/29/2008, -16/+1Shared with Flock - The Social Web Browser http://flock.com
Ehehehe.. - SwedishNinja, on 06/29/2008, -10/+4HAHA. I actually read this whole article not knowing it was the Onion. I thought there was some pretentious Internet in-joke that I was missing, but I felt obliged to laugh so I grabbed a wine glass and was about to fart in it so that I could raise my pretentious level enough to force a laugh, and then I saw "The Onion".
You finally got me, you *****! - ClarkNoHeart, on 06/29/2008, -11/+3"What's Gaydar?"
- ClarkNoHeart, on 06/30/2008, -9/+2It's from The Office, morons.
- buckchoris, on 06/29/2008, -22/+20I have this amazing gift. It's called "wigdar," and it enables me to tell whether someone is a Wigger or really white.
- KillsTheWeak, on 06/30/2008, -1/+3Bunch of squared nerds here, digging down funny comments like this, and digging up ***** jokes that only leave it to beavers mom would get.
- Jennefah, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2"funny comments like this"
Buried for inaccuracy.
- Jennefah, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2"funny comments like this"
- KillsTheWeak, on 06/30/2008, -1/+3Bunch of squared nerds here, digging down funny comments like this, and digging up ***** jokes that only leave it to beavers mom would get.
- Swallowell, on 06/30/2008, -14/+36Am I the only one who buried this as lame?
- DarkoKun, on 06/30/2008, -2/+3Nope I didn't get the point..
- stradf, on 06/30/2008, -4/+5Not at all. This is terrible. I had a few videos from onion I found funny but this article is not only *****, but boring and badly-written.
- vishare, on 06/30/2008, -1/+2pointless
- Nintensity, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0Its The Onion, what do you expect?
- KillsTheWeak, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0Saying you have an internal radar of anything is basically saying your a pro at stereotyping someone. There imaginary radar, is them picking up on supposed common traits of someone, than making a guess based on what they picked up.
- dvorachek, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Lame, and eight years old. Stop digging/submitting the onion to Digg, keep it to stumbleupon or something that doesn't try to pass itself off as news.
- fudged71, on 06/30/2008, -2/+23Yes, but what about Robert Downey Jr.?
http://screenrant.com/images/downey-jr-tropic-thun ...- Nappuccino, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3For that matter, what about Michael Jackson?
- mojoe1185, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Now we are two.
- phatboye, on 06/30/2008, -6/+4For some strange reason... I am not exactly sure why... but for some strange reason my Blackdar didn't send any signal after reading this authors article. Can anyone please help me understand why?
- bstockwell, on 06/30/2008, -6/+4This sounds a lot like Zach galifianakis's joke about how he can, in his own words "automatically tell if you're fat or not" he calls it fat-dar.
He also has cerebral paulseydar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNQGsyzkTRY 1:15 in
Zach is brilliant - scottja35, on 06/30/2008, -4/+20"That guy's as black as the last banana."
- rmeddy, on 06/30/2008, -2/+6That is hilarious and I am black.
- completerobot, on 06/30/2008, -0/+18I could tell.
- Laughsatyou, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1congrats.
- rmeddy, on 06/30/2008, -2/+6That is hilarious and I am black.
- Thrilltone, on 06/30/2008, -7/+6I usually just check their back pocket for an Afro pick
- DarkoKun, on 06/30/2008, -0/+7So where did you get your time machine?
- Thrilltone, on 06/30/2008, -0/+9I paid big money but I immediately went back and patented it before the seller. Now, I sue.
- completerobot, on 06/30/2008, -0/+4Okay your first comment was pretty retarded but this was funny.
- DarkoKun, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Agreed.
- DarkoKun, on 06/30/2008, -0/+7So where did you get your time machine?
- StevoJD, on 06/30/2008, -5/+3lame
- crapmatic, on 06/30/2008, -1/+12Man, I can't wait for the appearance of Cracked articles from 1998!
- Professr, on 06/30/2008, -3/+1I can.
- fxu1989, on 06/30/2008, -15/+6The other day I was talking with my friend, who is black, and he mentioned there two types of black people: "African-American" and "*****" ... "African-American" referring to educated black people like Barack Obama and stuff. "*****" being people from the hood and that are thugs.
I was like wtf, and told him to be quiet after that.
Stupidity at the highest level, I tell ya. I don't think I'll be associating with him any longer.- xevidentx, on 06/30/2008, -2/+19He was quoting a Chris Rock joke. and Chris Rock was def. right in his schtick. theres a huge diff between educated blacks and hood rats, same as educated whites and rednecks
- fxu1989, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1Na, I doubt it... the way he said, with no tone of sarcasm or wit. Knowing him, I'm pretty sure he meant it.
- ishwarchand, on 06/30/2008, -3/+1Your friend is an *****, we get it.
- Laughsatyou, on 06/30/2008, -2/+2cept its trendy to attack rednecks, but defend the *****.
- asus2000, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Actually it's not only trendy but it's only legal that way...
- Princeamor, on 06/30/2008, -2/+6uhhh... he's right...
- macweirdo42, on 06/30/2008, -0/+4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqsDRQJesMI&feature ...
- stevealford, on 06/30/2008, -4/+5I'd bet money that your friend (if referring to the Chris Rock skit) was saying *****, not *****. Then again, maybe he was just being politically correct... but either way, it's stupid to argue with the logic. There are people of any demographic group who exude the worst qualities and deserve the slurs attributed to them and there are others who defy stereotypes, thereby earning different titles. Are all white people rednecks? Are all jews sheisters? Are all blacks *****? Are all Brits snaggletooths? Of course not, but stereotypes (including slurs) exist for a reason.
Ignoring the roots of racism/prejudice and trying to pretend it doesn't exist is stupid. Telling people that we're all the same is retarded as well. Embrace our differences and try to fix the problems while laughing at the things that separate us: that's the key. Wagging your finger or looking disgusted when someone says ***** isn't the answer.- BeyondDGrave, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1How very true.... Nicely said as well.
- NecroDigg, on 06/30/2008, -1/+3He's 100% right. You're the ***** moron.
- xevidentx, on 06/30/2008, -2/+19He was quoting a Chris Rock joke. and Chris Rock was def. right in his schtick. theres a huge diff between educated blacks and hood rats, same as educated whites and rednecks
- huyzee, on 06/30/2008, -0/+4i thought the ending was a bit funny
- Labyrinth336, on 06/30/2008, -2/+6If only we could find a person with faildar....
- anonymous4, on 06/30/2008, -6/+0wtf am i mising sumthing, any1 can tell if sum1 is black just by looking @ them!!!
- Goblin, on 06/30/2008, -0/+4You didn't read the article. The author is blind, so this ability is actually pretty amazing. It turns out he doesn't even need to hear them speak, just standing close to someone he is able to tell their ethnicity. An EEG scan showed different areas of the brain lit up depending on the skin colour of someone nearby. Weird, huh?
- Papajohn56, on 06/30/2008, -4/+24How dare you say "black" on the internet you racists
- maretten, on 06/30/2008, -4/+4HA! Shut up.
- Papajohn56, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1whoosh, the sound of a joke going right over your head
- maretten, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1I know what the joke was, it just wasn't funny. Whoosh to you, cockfag.
- maretten, on 06/30/2008, -4/+4HA! Shut up.
- TerriSchiavo, on 06/30/2008, -4/+6I have a related talent: I can read the title and description for any crime related story on digg and tell you if the perp is black.
- NecroDigg, on 06/30/2008, -1/+5I can do the same, except I can tell if it's from Florida or not.
- happytedium, on 06/30/2008, -13/+8Commented with Firefox - the better web browser. http://getfirefox.com
- NecroDigg, on 06/30/2008, -6/+3There's an error in your post. You said "Firefox" when you meant "Opera"
http://www.opera.com- Loonacy, on 06/30/2008, -2/+3There's an error in your post. You said "Opera" when you meant "lynx"
http://lynx.isc.org/
- Loonacy, on 06/30/2008, -2/+3There's an error in your post. You said "Opera" when you meant "lynx"
- NecroDigg, on 06/30/2008, -6/+3There's an error in your post. You said "Firefox" when you meant "Opera"
- JapaneseEconomy, on 06/30/2008, -1/+3My Blackdar is supreme. I guessed Steel from the Superman series was black even before it was revealed.
http://i2.iofferphoto.com/img/item/278/357/41/o_st ... - smadrid33, on 06/30/2008, -3/+0The premise was kind of cute--I thought he was heading toward a nice kicker ending, and that it was going to have to do with Obama--then it petered out, and then I saw the date of the article...
- mhender, on 06/30/2008, -5/+9***** the Onion. ***** it in it's Oniony ass.
- gfxlonghorn, on 06/30/2008, -3/+1O RLY???
http://warcat139.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sit ... - 373v3n, on 06/30/2008, -3/+1I see black people....
- michael43, on 06/30/2008, -3/+2Just listen for who whines the loudest, it's not the native americans, not the asian or the hispanic or even the whites...emmm....enough said.
- lastmaster, on 06/30/2008, -2/+3Hmm... so if someone's ancestors are white and hail from Johannesburg, South Africa... would they be allowed the title "African-American"?
- igyigyigy, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2Obviously.
- NecroDigg, on 06/30/2008, -0/+20Digga PLEEEASE
- drakia, on 06/30/2008, -1/+5What the fark's with the "Flock" shoutout at the end of that summary?
- blacklabelrum, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1ya'll
- spilk, on 06/30/2008, -1/+1Thanks for the Flock ad.
- Omega697, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1This is seriously like 8 years old. I remember reading this when I was in college.
Ha! It even says it is from 2000 in the article. Next up, BREAKING NEWS: George W. Bush elected president!- irollupstairs, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0breaking news: this article is 8 years old!!!
who cares, some people (i.e. me) hadn't read it before.
- irollupstairs, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0breaking news: this article is 8 years old!!!
- socokoolaid, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1This guys and idiot and the article is gay. Maybe your "gaydar" should be going off.
- baudbwoy, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1No digg for you...NEXT!
- pattyman5000, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2I read the headline of this article about 20 times before I realized it was cut off.
- andoru, on 06/30/2008, -0/+2I can read a story title on digg and instantly tell if the linked article is going to be lame or not. And guess what? I was right with this one.
- asus2000, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Yep I'm not gonna read it either. Besides shouldn't it be called "african-american-dar?" Black was ruled out a few years ago and we just keep adding syllables...
I live in Brasil, this silliness doesn't happen here.. Everyone is Brasilian!- ragingflamerboy, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1no, black wasn't ruled out. neither was white.
- asus2000, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Yep I'm not gonna read it either. Besides shouldn't it be called "african-american-dar?" Black was ruled out a few years ago and we just keep adding syllables...
- yourpalOZ, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1I can tell with Telephone solicitors and customer service balckdar. They are going to read a script and get nothing done. I just hang up and call again till i get American Engish speaker.
- bigsteve3OOO, on 06/30/2008, -2/+1This person is clearly a racist and I personally find his anti black rant in poor taste
- jojodiggsit, on 06/30/2008, -4/+0that was a lame article... if you see someone black.. you know he's black.. it's really needless to say... this guy is a joke...
- farfromperfectx, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1Hahahahahahahaha......hahahahahah...ha.
- Denster23, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1His article IS the joke
- irollupstairs, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0what does it mean? is he being sarcastic? :( I don't understand satire :(
- JagPop, on 06/30/2008, -2/+3I can't tell, but once I was given a gift.
Once a major bank was chasing someone down trying to
collect money. That someone had given false personal data
including MY telephone number. Nothing else matched me.
Not the name, address not even the state.
The bank had an address in Pennsylvania and a phone number in Massachusetts.
That makes sense, right?
The collectors kept calling MY phone number. It seemed to come in waves,
like some computer reel sat on a shelf for months and then would come
back online to the dialers --the persistant harrassers--.
I would ask for the supervisor and explain that this had been going on
for three years! (It had). I would have them look at the detail and see the
obvious mismatch: Pennsylvania address and Massachusetts phonenumber.
The supervisor would always promise to take care of it. They didn't.
After the third year I decided to call the New York headquarters of this
bank (evil thought just crossed my mind: wonder if their address had been the WTC?)
I got an operator at the headquarters and she "sounded" black. I asked for
the complaint department. She immediately switched me to the Executive Secretary
to the CEO of this major bank. That is when I *knew* the operator was black.
I never, ever received another one of those harrassing calls. Ever.
It was a gift. And that one time I really could tell. - damnyooneek, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1stupid.
- Elliuotatar, on 06/30/2008, -3/+1White people! ERT ERRT ERRT ERRT ERRT ERRT! Black people! DOOH DOOH DOOH DOOH!
- ronocdh, on 06/30/2008, -0/+3I think the "shared with Flock" thing is pretty bad publicity for Flock. It just looks so amateur and cheap, like ads in the footer of Yahoo e-mails.
- xkorbin, on 06/30/2008, -0/+1I'd have to say flock's cramped interface is bad publicity.
- mustang6560, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0This is a poor example of satire. Satire is not even the correct descriptor. This is garbage.
- rframpton, on 06/30/2008, -0/+0That's racist!
-
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