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Study: Smiling Now Primarily Used To Communicate Anger

theonion.com — "More than 85 percent of smiles are involuntary responses to mounting anger," the study read in part. "In addition, the length and intensity of these smiles directly correspond to the amount of anger the smile is concealing.

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  • Hawker400, on 08/31/2008, -1/+76:)
  • ScottMcIntyre, on 08/31/2008, -5/+26:-) = "Grrr"!
  • bornahokie, on 09/01/2008, -2/+11i do this all the time at work! i'm smiling really means ... i'm so pissed off. ha.
    • feliks2, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3Which is why I was honestly very surprised to see this was from the Onion. I thought people were just becomming self absorbed internet assholes that didn't know what happiness feels like.
  • h0ser, on 09/01/2008, -6/+19It's because poeple brand anger as a negative emotion. People then try to get rid of negative things by turning it into a positive. The problem with this is that it'll drive you nuts! Get angry when you're angry man, we have that emotion for a reason.
    • theOster, on 09/01/2008, -1/+1sometimes you can't help it though...like if your cheeks have been sliced up
    • TheDreadDiggerD, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3:-) ***** you!
    • dralezero, on 09/02/2008, -0/+1I would always tell myself, "ok this time really tell them how you feel your sick of them" then i just end up smiling or a short smirk smile because I'm annoying. I think this Onion article is actually true.
    • passedoutghost, on 09/02/2008, -0/+0This article should not have been written by The Onion. I typically try not to show that I'm pissed off. But when I go *****, I'll do it with a smile on my face and laugh like crazy. Then I can plead insanity in court :D
  • str1fe, on 09/01/2008, -4/+5You can still tell the difference between a happy smile and an angry smile and other types of smiles pretty easily. It's subtle facial signs, especially the eyes.
    • str1fe, on 09/01/2008, -0/+5oh *****, I didn't realize it was the onion at first, just looking at the headline.

      :(

      or, :)
    • pwnerofnoobs, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1Was the study done on psychotics?
    • TheDreadDiggerD, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1Want to know how you can tell the difference between mine?

      Do you still have arms?
  • AnarchoGoth, on 09/01/2008, -1/+26This article made me smile.
  • welliwonder, on 09/01/2008, -5/+11That's because the world ***** sucks.
  • Spadassin, on 09/01/2008, -8/+53people this is from THE ONION!!!!..don't take it seriously
    • lukis100, on 09/01/2008, -1/+11jeje, thanks for the warning :)
    • DeVrede5, on 09/01/2008, -1/+1people! you can take it kind of seriously
    • MacGyver2210, on 09/01/2008, -1/+2That's Digg for you. If you want REAL news, go somewhere else.
    • Asdfglpwglion, on 09/01/2008, -1/+32Because The Onion never gets anything right. :)

      http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930
      http://money.cnn.com/2005/09/14/news/fortune500/gi ...
    • dazparkour, on 09/01/2008, -0/+4And more than a year before with the razor thing. I remember that one - I had to check the dates on both sites just in case the onion knew about the five blades thing and were taking the piss, but no - they PREDICTED it.

      Or maybe the razor company is laughing at us. "Haha! We got free advertising AND a free idea here".

      Edit: From the Onion "I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it! "

      CNN: "It also has a single blade on the back of the cartridge for shaving sideburns or trimming under the nose. "
      So close. You can't make it up.
    • GothAlice, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2Even though it's from the onion, it's practically true. When really, really angry, for example, while someone is blowing up at me because they are assholes, I often smile. A lot. It pisses them off more, and makes me feel better. Of course, it's significantly different from a 'normal' smile in that it's fairly patronizing and/or filled with creep. The difference between :) and >:D
      • jitterbits, on 09/02/2008, -0/+2Speaking of razor blades, there was a great ad from SNL in 76/77 about a wacky 3 bladed razor! Can you imagine such a thing? THREE BLADES!
    • deusdiabolus, on 09/03/2008, -0/+1Considering the number of people I know who conceal homicidal urges behind forced smiles, The Onion's precognitive tendencies are becoming increasingly creepier.
  • new2u, on 09/01/2008, -1/+19I must have hated this article, because I was smiling the whole time I read it.
  • selesse, on 09/01/2008, -3/+1Oooooh... that explains why he was smiling while he touched me...
  • acrodev, on 09/01/2008, -1/+5Smile and the world smiles with you. Jerk.
  • S5S5S5, on 09/01/2008, -2/+5Funny story, :(
  • toetagger, on 09/01/2008, -11/+4The Onion is not funny. Yawn.
  • KoopaTroopa, on 09/01/2008, -2/+56Can't spell manslaughter without laughter! =)
    • wrzhydr, on 09/01/2008, -4/+5know what's messed up? i don't read "manslaugher" as "man slaughter" anymore. I've been conditioned to read it as "mans laughter". ***** Internet.
      • gotacalc, on 09/01/2008, -2/+5No, that's just you not being able to read.
      • TheDreadDiggerD, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2I disagreed. He's reading that quite well.
    • ChristianMagic, on 09/02/2008, -0/+1SLaughter is the best medicine!
  • alexpnx, on 09/01/2008, -11/+3what is this, diggtheonion.com? buried as lame
    • SecureXeC, on 09/01/2008, -1/+4The Onion is far more important than more stories whining about Palin.
      • santaliqueur, on 09/01/2008, -1/+1Yeah. by the way, what's Sarah Palin up to now?
  • remccain, on 09/01/2008, -5/+3"The study noted that individuals smiling for more than one minute while nodding and baring their teeth are most likely preparing to kill the person they are smiling at."
  • BigCalhoun, on 09/01/2008, -4/+4The ironic thing is, there are people who do that. It's much easier for me to catch people off guard as opposed to giving them the angry "I'm going to get you, sucker" black man look.
    • pwnerofnoobs, on 09/01/2008, -1/+2That's not irony, that's a serial killer.
  • netneutrality, on 09/01/2008, -2/+9There must be some truth in this, because whenever I see an advert on the web for animated "next generation" smilies, it makes me angry.
  • alamedaman, on 09/01/2008, -1/+6:D
    • JonTheGoose, on 09/01/2008, -0/+7Hey man, just calm down ok? Everything is cool, there's no need to get all riled up like that.
  • ABJ974, on 09/01/2008, -2/+1Wow who knew smiling could actually mean you're angry.
  • hellbent88, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2this is my angry face :)
  • DeVrede5, on 09/01/2008, -0/+4old southern women love to do this. i hate it
    • basye, on 09/01/2008, -2/+2In the South, a smile followed with the statement "Well bless your heart!" means they are angry and yet pity your goober ways.
  • Raian, on 09/01/2008, -4/+3I realize this is the Onion... but the smile is primarily made when someone is afraid FYI.
    • LokitheComplex, on 09/02/2008, -0/+2I think like a lot of things in evolution it is a progression of something.

      The theory goes. When threatened show your teeth.
      If you feel threatened you must be recognising the other's power and your own weakness. In other words "I am no threat."
      This becomes symbol evolves to become a gesture that means "I am so much not a threat because I am a friend."
      ...And then eventually the smile becomes the lie "Look I'm a friend I'm smiling amn't I?"
    • mieprowan, on 09/02/2008, -1/+1Don't you just hate it when you post a perfectly factual, useful, interesting piece of information and people bury it?
  • mafiaitalia22, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1believed it for a second...with grimacing and stuff
  • dxgg, on 09/01/2008, -0/+6I almost believed it...saw it was from The Onion...and still almost believed it.
  • rmeddy, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1Yeah those ***** comedians!
  • TremorX, on 09/01/2008, -2/+1Also, crossed eyes and an audible "Dur, dur, dur SHOOPA!" is primarily used to communicate an oncoming female orgasm. If you're not seeing this, then she's faking.
  • jcaino, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2blame it on the joker.
  • Sup3rSh3ep, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3^_^
  • j.carcinogen, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1Funny.

    But it seems like Joe Biden smiled in this clip when he was angry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32AB8SxK21c
  • Br3ach, on 09/01/2008, -0/+11I dont get mad, I get stabby
  • Killwize, on 09/01/2008, -2/+2For now on all onion articles should be put in a separate category! REALLY! ...At least tell use it's an onion article in the headline!
  • ryanmarsh, on 09/01/2008, -2/+0It's because you're all a bunch of passive-aggressive weaklings.
  • digidevil, on 09/01/2008, -0/+5:D I'm gonna cut your head off! :D
  • anotherjack, on 09/01/2008, -0/+4Someone from the cast said that Dr. Hibbert laughs as a show of hostility. Flanders says "Diddley" to conceal his rage in "Hurricane Neddy" (4F07) The Simpsons are once again ahead of the curve.
    • anotherjack, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2The relevant Hibbert quote:
      Groening says: "What I love about him is his barely contained hostility. His little chuckles are quite inappropriate."
  • Nowaiman, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2I laugh when I get hurt because I'm just that badass.
  • s4g4n, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2:DGC
  • gluecode, on 09/01/2008, -1/+1That's good news :-)
  • Alex2, on 09/01/2008, -0/+5In other news.. the 'Wave' done by the guy who cuts you off on the freeway means "***** you!"


  • tofuMYtofu, on 09/01/2008, -1/+2For some random reason I didn't check the source before reading it because the headline seemed well...realistic. I mean, I smile when pissed off, so there has to be some credibility to the article. I smacked my forehead when I got to the last line, and realized I was reading the onion. Give me a break, I just had a house full of toddlers and parents from Houston evacuating from Gustav.
  • jack12345678910, on 09/01/2008, -1/+2***** i hate the onion. reading the title i thought this was real since i do smirk when i find a situation to be so utterly ridiculous and beyond redemption.
  • Quakee, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3I know this is on the Onion, but sometimes right before I'm about to flip the ***** out on something, I start laughing. Its kind of like an I'm about to go insane laugh, but it actually does happen to me...
    • mxmj, on 09/02/2008, -0/+1If I'm having an argument with someone and the say something completely retarded that I have an excellent counterpoint to, I get a huge *****-eating grin on my face while they are still talking. Sometimes they will get confused and trail off or think that they got through to me which is hilarious.
  • Vessol, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1:(
  • buckrogers1965, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3I hope they don't hear about this at the airport. "He smiled! Terrorist! Get him!"
  • VINLANDER, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1Might be another lame Onion "joke", but it's absolutely true!
  • Hangingtree, on 11/04/2008, -4/+1***** science at its best.
  • Redsblog, on 09/02/2008, -1/+1Why so serious?
  • chudgoo, on 09/02/2008, -0/+2Finally I can stop having people assume that i'm pissed just because i'm frowning.
    I just look like that. It's you smiling bastards we need to look out for.
  • missingnoh4x, on 09/02/2008, -0/+1http://img114.imageshack.us/img114/2294/awesomeff7 ...
  • mwilley, on 09/02/2008, -1/+1Why so serious?

    :)
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