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The 7 Creepiest Real-Life Robots

cracked.com — Scientists say they can now build near-perfect replications of a human being. Scientists are liars. Here are seven robots that reached for life-like, and came up with a big handful of your worst nightmares.

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  • ironeus, on 08/01/2008, -2/+36Geminoid looks the most creepy. This description is great: "... built a slightly retarded younger brother for himself." That's exactly what he looks like.
  • analreceiver, on 07/08/2008, -4/+46(Dicks. It's dicks.)
    • PirateFSM, on 07/10/2008, -4/+2ha ha! it is funny because you are quoting a funny thing from the article and by you saying it again it makes it funny again! Thank you for much laughter!
      • FLarsen, on 07/10/2008, -0/+3ha ha! it is funny because you are quoting a funny thing from the article so that I can digg that thing.

        Wait, that actually makes sense.
    • ChrisshEnzo, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2gotta love that subtle humor cracked is always dropping
  • AsSubtleAsABrik, on 07/08/2008, -4/+11How the hell did that lady actually feel comfortable talking to Jules about that stuff. Either A) they programmed him to ask those questions, or B) he came up with them on his own. While I think B is much more horrifying, either one isn't something I'd feel comfortable with.
    • nathanww, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1It's probably more like a combination of A and B actually--the robot has more "computer like" logic systems that are hooked up to a natural language system(which probably has a variety of responses porgrammed in).
  • nolimitmc1123, on 07/08/2008, -2/+24No. 8: Teddy Ruxpin
    • gglynn07, on 07/10/2008, -0/+3And his second in command: Grubby!!! But thankfully Teddy Ruxpin's weakness having to find enough C batteries to power himself, and Grubby has to be leashed to Teddy continuously + have C batteries. Eventually they will turn on each other!!!
  • j3dimindtricks, on 07/08/2008, -4/+28I've always thought Keanu Reeves was the creepiest real-life robot.
    • gquaglia, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Keanu or evil Ted "Theodore" Logan aka bad robot us-es
    • j3dimindtricks, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0hehe, "be excellent to eachother!"
  • Rizoh, on 07/08/2008, -6/+4So, Jules is gay?
    • blackjack75, on 07/10/2008, -1/+4Not really. A robot desiring humans, creatures from another species, is called I believe : bestiality.
  • dunnylovehun, on 07/08/2008, -3/+19Dugg for the way the ending turns into a terrifying horror novel. I think epic is overused in these comments but, well there I went.
  • maakuu, on 07/08/2008, -4/+1hilarious
  • robotdrone, on 07/08/2008, -2/+11She has a lifelike mouth, soft skin, responds in a variety of ways to pressure in her oral cavity ... and has even been equipped with a gag reflex, so she can accurately respond when "instruments are inserted too far into her mouth."

    Great. Mini-Me just woke up.
  • jakash, on 07/08/2008, -2/+22Dugg for Gandhi-Transformer
  • jakash, on 07/08/2008, -6/+1I'm going to Japan to study dentistry.

    Also, why was the "cartoonish Japanese robot" (Albert Hugo) wearing a Korean flag on its body?
  • ctenn2ls, on 07/09/2008, -6/+3That Amanda girl in the Jules video was pretty cute. Did anyone else notice her checking out its crotch when it was talking about sex at about 1:45?

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=kThr6CMLrvg&feature=rel ...
  • mikec00l, on 07/09/2008, -4/+1I HAD to read the comments after seeing number 6.
  • thespi007, on 07/09/2008, -7/+2buried for not mentioning Arnold Schwarzenegger ...
  • craighoxton, on 07/09/2008, -4/+23Domo arigato Mr Robot-o
    • CoMpUtErITGuY, on 07/10/2008, -0/+6I guess the younger crowd doesn't get this.
  • bosssmiley, on 07/09/2008, -2/+2Dugg for mecha-Einstein.
    But the rest are vile blasphemies of science that would make Mary Shelley go *squick!*
  • Shadow250, on 07/09/2008, -2/+5Number 1 has got to be the most terrifying thing ive ever seen in my life. Imagine waking up to that sitting in front of you or something.
  • Games4Life, on 07/09/2008, -5/+3"Daddy, LOVE ME!"
    • smpx, on 07/10/2008, -1/+1dugg down mostly for the omfgcreepy factor.
  • hansk, on 07/10/2008, -1/+16KILL IT WITH FIRE!
  • Bluetar, on 07/10/2008, -1/+8Man I love this stuff. Uncanny Valley here we come!
  • CrudeDarkness, on 07/10/2008, -0/+7why would they post cb2 without a video I mean the video makes it 100 times more creepy: http://www.gametrailers.com/player/usermovies/2354 ...
    • liah, on 07/10/2008, -2/+1"We are performing site maintenance. Please be patient."

      TERRIFYING.
    • bingo000, on 07/10/2008, -0/+5I didn't know what a retarded robot looked like. Thank you.
    • Andrwmorph, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Brains! BRAINS!
    • elfkittie22, on 07/13/2008, -0/+0I think I just crapped myself O_O
    • retoriplastique, on 07/15/2008, -0/+0Crap, I wasn't expecting the slow-mo part, and I had the volume of my speakers very loud.

      Bricks were shat.
  • neio, on 07/10/2008, -2/+2OGC 50 years from now.
  • Murdats, on 07/10/2008, -0/+4omg number 1 was awesome, well the story it breaks into anyway.
  • Marumekomu, on 07/10/2008, -1/+10I, for one, FLEE IN ***** TERROR from our new robot overlords.
  • gglynn07, on 07/10/2008, -0/+6I think a lesson is to be learned here: Don't poke robots in the face!
  • RutgerB, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0Jules sounds like one vindictive bitch to me
  • bingo000, on 07/10/2008, -1/+3Why would you want a robot to learn about their sexuality? Thats creepy on its own.
  • Sillywombat, on 07/10/2008, -0/+6Love it!
    You know, we have a word for that in the English language:

    Revenge.

    They have built an android that can almost pass for human, learns from its mistakes, tracks people and actively seeks revenge. There is literally an entire genre of big-budget Hollywood films about how you should not, under any circumstances, do exactly that.
  • starexplorer, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2good video on household robots

    http://videos.howstuffworks.com/sciencentral/3174- ...
    • AileenFaced, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Awww, that one is nice and cute! See, robots can be non-creeptastic, you just have to stay away from all the choices mad scientisc made in horror movies/books . . . not so hard. Though it is weird to think about if an old person had one to help out, and then died -- what would robot man do in his hour of grief?!
  • SolidSnake24, on 07/10/2008, -0/+5The ending was hilarious!
  • mdcraig62, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2'Sometimes that robot he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a robot... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'.
  • thestranger, on 07/10/2008, -0/+4why was there no video for CB2

    if your interested in being freaked out by a pan-sexual monochromatic gaint robot baby here's a video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCK64zsZNNs
  • urik88, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2I don't remember laughing so much from a cracked.com article. It's awesome.
  • ZodiacKiller, on 07/10/2008, -2/+2Oh good! a ranked item list from Cracked.com... These are such a rare treat around here.
  • WyrmSlayer, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Watch out humanity! The robot domination has started!
  • gquaglia, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Dugg for including the Grim Reaper from Bogus Journey next to Voldamort, Pinhead and Darth Sidious. "you have sunk my battleship!"
  • gomijin, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0What's interesting is that this story was submitted well over two days ago, yet it's only gone popular a little over three hours ago. Don't stories get auto-buried after twenty-four hours, unless they go popular within that timeframe?
  • carbonetc, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2Change the voice and Jules could do a mean impression of the guy from Sling Blade.
  • fcostta, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2sorry... but the creepiest ever is...
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuxFJcG9SEo&feature ...
  • GPSCenter, on 07/10/2008, -1/+1I couldn't even go threw the whole list it was that disturbing!
  • eneve, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2And here's Professor Ishiguro's research assistant, poking it in the Goddamn face again....
  • shezzy153, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0before this article I didn't know I was mechaphobic... god, these bots gave me heebie jeebies... that kid robot and the ending imagery were quite disturbing...
  • carterx, on 07/10/2008, -0/+3ha, I knew Bush was a robot http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/andro ...
    • DeniseDigg, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0LOL
    • Knowltey, on 07/11/2008, -0/+0Actually that looks more like Ron Paul than Bush...
      • infinitexx, on 07/15/2008, -0/+0That doesn't just look like George Bush it is Bush, and the similarity to Ron Paul ends with the while hair and complexion
  • 12D3, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2"...Geminoid is mostly creepy because it's not quite an exact replica of Ishiguro. It's more like Ishiguro built a slightly retarded younger brother for himself, giving it a permanent expression of intense confusion and frustration."

    This pretty much won me over...
  • Stevethegreat, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1Robots will never be significant in the future. They will exist but only for specialized works, instead we will turn OURSELVES to digital, it is retarded to simulate analogue reactions from a digital world but it's fairly logical to transfer an analogue consciousness to silicon or any other equivalent medium, the benefits are tremendous (backup copies on the fly, you're practically immortal, connectivity to virtual worlds that may seem as real as the real world on the spot, having the benefits of both an analog life as you can still have a body AND the computational power of alternative substrates other than carbon).

    Thank God the industrialists' world is over, we're now living in the information era where the information (knowledge, wisdom) matters instead of the substrate, that's why only Japan of all the countries seems to live so much behind the times. BTW all those robots seem like retro -futuristic concepts, you know like those hideous concepts Julius Verne imagined (excuse me, but going to the moon by the propulsion of a sling is ridiculous)
    • Knowltey, on 07/11/2008, -0/+0Dugg down for the fact that From The Earth to the Moon and Back again was quite literally a prediction in most parts, The pod landed in the ocean a mere two miles from the predicted location, the pod in the book was nearly identical, OH and they DID actually use the moon's gravity as a sling...

      And two his name is JULES Verne not Julius...
  • BabyWookie, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1So, when can I order #6? I am a little out of practice with my dentistry, if you know what I mean.
  • Matri, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1I'm surprised no one called out the fact that WD-2 looked like the precursor to SHODAN.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:SHODAN_hires.jp ...
  • cmp1968, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1"And here's Professor Ishiguro's research assistant, poking it in the Goddamn face again. "

    That cracked me the hell up.
    Great article.
  • Knowltey, on 07/11/2008, -0/+0The face robot reminded me of the depiction of the devil in some calymation movie about Mark Twain, and that' why it was creepy to me. In the thing his face was just a masquerade mask on a stick that would change shape often.
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