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See the original image at collegehumor.com —

The Most Accurate Facebook Mini-Feed Ever

collegehumor.com — What happens when you're smoking hot on facebook? how do users interact with your profile? this is a hilarious satire of the above.

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  • sajnikanth, on 12/09/2007, -11/+116God...I hate these Mini-Feeds
    • shooby, on 12/09/2007, -24/+6Maybe you don't have friends.
      • egonSchiele, on 12/09/2007, -2/+20what if he wants friends but not stalkers? Is that acceptable, big brother?
        • Dylson, on 12/09/2007, -19/+3If he didnt want to accept the fact that there are stalkers on the internets then he wouldnt have created the damn account. So, your theory fails and so do you.
      • dfsjdkflasjk, on 12/09/2007, -7/+0Read 1984 much?
    • kaytrio, on 12/09/2007, -10/+22After Beacon, I can never trust Facebook again.
      • aceslick911, on 12/09/2007, -7/+23ok no offence.. but get over it. noone even used beacon that much and it didnt kill any babies!! ... or did it?
      • dfsjdkflasjk, on 12/09/2007, -1/+5You have to approve the beacon message before it gets posted. Oh noes.
      • moliver000, on 12/10/2007, -1/+0Did you delete your account? Or are you and Facebook just in a bit of a tiff?
    • eternal464, on 12/09/2007, -0/+3its funny with the whole mini feeds though. allows to keep track of what your friends are doing. myspace just added it too. remember when it was the hot girls on myspace that got all the profile views and friend requests? now with the spamming, its always the guys with a ridiculously jacked up list of friend requests. I wonder when facebook will go the same way?
      • TheColonel, on 12/09/2007, -0/+2wow, reading that, i somehow imagined Zoidberg saying it .. you write like he talks :) Hooray! Zoidberg is the popular one now!
      • victrola, on 12/09/2007, -0/+1You can disable the MySpace completely in four mouse clicks. You can also customize it, deciding which friends see what, or blocking everyone from your minifeed entirely. If only facebook treated it's users' pravacy with this much respect.
        • greatkingrat85, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1You can choose what's posted in your mini feed on Facebook.
    • Ataxia87, on 12/09/2007, -9/+2Good thing I don't have a facebook account, because that's what mine would probably look like. 'cos I'm smoking hot and stuff. Yeah.
      • Makaveli604, on 12/09/2007, -2/+6Since you don't have a facebook, we already know you're ugly.
  • matts009, on 12/09/2007, -7/+85Haha, that was great... and unfortunately, probably mostly true too...
    • LegalSatire, on 12/09/2007, -4/+166No, it's inaccurate. Everyone knows you can't close a Facebook account.
      • amlynch, on 12/09/2007, -19/+1well...... you can actually, but whatever
        • lazyeyesam, on 12/09/2007, -0/+30http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke
        • jewcantdenyit, on 12/09/2007, -2/+1actually, you can, but its a giant pain in the ass, all facebook lets you do is deactivate your account, but if you log in again, it is like you never left. to get your account deleted, you have to empty your profile then email support for them to delete it. total *****.
          • itsthebrod, on 12/09/2007, -1/+3What kind of a world do we live in when even emailing someone is considered a hassle...
          • clorby, on 12/09/2007, -0/+0@itsthebrod
            it's not just an email. you have to go through and manually delete all wall posts (made on your wall and those you've made on other people's walls), all photos, all tags on photos someone else put up, etc. if you have a lot of friends, this could literally take dozens of hours.
    • c0baltfish, on 12/09/2007, -2/+1Actually there is a layer of privacy for the mini-feed, and it doesn't report things like who visited your profile, friend rejects, etc. Plus you can turn most of it off, so your friends don't see anything you do.
    • Archon810, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2it was inaccurate because the mini-feed in reality is inversely chronological.
  • montiff, on 12/09/2007, -44/+13This is retarded.
    • iPsyko, on 12/09/2007, -5/+2you're mom's retarded.
    • scott2007, on 12/10/2007, -1/+1It's also pretty sad. This is why there aren't so many women online - most men can't stop thinking with their dicks. They just encourage many women online to misbehave too.
  • reapergun9, on 12/09/2007, -7/+104Pfft, she was only semi-hot
    • JLecker, on 12/09/2007, -2/+26What, were he knees too sharp for you?
    • OisinT, on 12/09/2007, -6/+5if that even.... I didn't think she was so hot at all.
    • victrola, on 12/09/2007, -1/+3You must look at A LOT of airbrushed porn to say something like that. In real life, she's hot.
  • monospaced, on 12/09/2007, -10/+117mildly amusing, but it's in reverse order
  • goeric, on 12/09/2007, -2/+326On my facebook account it's probably more like:
    "Heather Smith has accidentally clicked on your profile instead of the other guy."
  • hallelujahV, on 12/09/2007, -1/+22How many ingenious ways can we think of to waste time? Facebook seems hellbent to prove the number infinite.
  • 0crabby0, on 12/09/2007, -9/+3That kind of thing happens to me every week...
    • c0baltfish, on 12/09/2007, -0/+3You close a Facebook account every week?
  • xerigen, on 12/09/2007, -8/+39Hey! How'd they get my mini-feed?
    • aceslick911, on 12/09/2007, -3/+14asl?
      • dpknc84, on 12/09/2007, -1/+22"Rick Murt (xerigen)
        A male from Ypsilanti (US) who joined Digg on June 27th, 2006"

        It's a trap!
        • aceslick911, on 12/09/2007, -0/+1He's a fan of Dr.Ron Paul :D
        • seventoes, on 12/09/2007, -0/+2Hey! Another Ypsi resident! We should socially network.
        • Iwantawii, on 12/09/2007, -0/+4Why don't you have a seat over there.
    • mzkply, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1you wish
  • Trollmaster, on 12/09/2007, -20/+4meh, stupid
  • theradical, on 12/09/2007, -1/+165She not into those dudes, but I know she'll like me. I know so because according to our profiles we share an interest in Lost, and Daft Punk.
  • goeric, on 12/09/2007, -14/+5For all the ones saying this is dumb, it's probably because you're the kind of guy who does that.
  • SideShowMel0329, on 12/09/2007, -25/+5Buried for lame factor
  • JARSInc, on 12/09/2007, -4/+11I want a facebook rss feed...
    • freebird640, on 12/09/2007, -3/+1they have one... go to Inbox->Notifications->Subscribe to Notifications
  • MasterInsan0, on 12/09/2007, -11/+213Girls that feel like guys do this to them are way too full of themselves. I sometimes wonder where in our society girls get the idea that they're the most interesting, lovable things in the entire world and that everyone wants them...them I glance at the 1000's of magazines for women designed precisely to promote this attitude. They either make women arrogant, heartless bitches, or turn them into self-loathing "I-can-never-be-good-enough" depression machines.

    The *real* women, the ones that everyone *really* wants, are the ones that totally ignore said magazines and pop-culture influences and live according to their own standards.
    • doronster195, on 12/09/2007, -1/+43I really did notice that a girl who has her own opinions and doesn't care about what other people think and just does what she likes is much hotter.
    • Tyrghast, on 12/09/2007, -13/+13WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS MAN its something from collegehumor, don't over-analyze it
    • melat0nin, on 12/09/2007, -4/+8You're absolutely right. Girls these days are indoctrinated to think they have the right to anything they want in life, and if it's at the expense of men, all the better. Second-wave feminism at its most hideous.
      • hollygolitely, on 12/09/2007, -4/+10this isn't a second wave of feminism in any sense of the word. its interesting to see how this site (clearly dominated by white men & boys) blasts people for a lucid and thoughtful comment. i think what you're talking about points to a larger social problem that has contorted the ideas of feminism into this new brand of overt sexuality that will supposedly make all the men come running. it's disgusting, debasing, and the source of why all of you guys seem hate women. (and why there's no shortage of videos of "topless babes playing wii!!!!!")
        • DiggDroog, on 12/09/2007, -6/+3(and why there's no shortage of videos of "topless babes playing wii!!!!!")

          Link please?
        • melat0nin, on 12/09/2007, -2/+3I don't hate women, I don't remember saying that. What I do hate is western society's pandering to all things female, to such an extent that the genuine and deserved benefits of feminism have long since been forgotten in favour of an attitude whereby what a woman wants, she can get, and to hell with any man who gets in her way. You are right though, what I am talking about is indeed a larger social problem -- one of the biggest ones. It permeates almost every other social issue, and it's about time something was done about it.
          • hollygolitely, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1i didnt mean to say that you specifically hated women, but if you look around digg, how is it possible to not hate them? grossly objectified, debased, and im sure completely moronic. if one is to gleam a society's values from its artifacts, here in digg, by and large, its clear that women aren't people so much as they are, how you say...cumbuckets?
        • derjames, on 12/09/2007, -2/+1@DiggDroog there you go... http://digg.com/nintendo/12_clips_of_topless_greas ...
      • hollygolitely, on 12/09/2007, -0/+3i completely agree with you here. but again, it's all a result of the larger social problem where there are both men and women pandering to this system. i feel as though i just woke up into this world where women are now, despite feminism and all its goals, irrevocably objectified to the point where that can be the only result (getting things, whatever that may be i.e. power, control, money, etc) on the basis of this objectification. and it's only going to get worse before it gets better. it makes me ashamed to be a woman sometimes.
    • Browzer, on 12/09/2007, -3/+26The article is pretty stupid and even a little offensive. Most guys I know aren't going to turn into mush just because they find a hot picture on Facebook. And most dudes old enough to drink have since figured out how to avoid getting into hopeless crushes with women they don't even know.

      There's an old saying: "No matter how hot a girl is, somewhere there's a guy who is sick of screwing her."
      • mcduckov, on 12/09/2007, -1/+1Yeah but supply and demand matter. Physically attractive women have an obvious demand for their body that far outstrips their ability. or desire, to meet. Let's face it, they are only annoying or irritating to the extent that you are one of the ones demanding what they ain't supplying.

        My view may be skewed but it does seem to me that there are more physically appealing women than physically appealing men. I think the number of men with more demand than they can supply is smaller than the number of woman. I think this fact is what tends to set up a resentment of what seems to be a built-in bias by the ID.
      • sgtbutterscotch, on 12/09/2007, -0/+7I agree. How dare a humor website publish an article that isn't like real life. Those bastards.
  • JARSInc, on 12/09/2007, -4/+15This should be her News Feed (on the home page) not her Mini-Feed (on her profile).
    The News Feed says what others are doing, and the Mini-Feed records the last things the person whose profile you are looking at has done.
    It is funny though.
    • alexjselkirk, on 12/09/2007, -2/+16Please send me your copy of the Facebook Encyclopedia so I can read it over.
  • kaytrio, on 12/09/2007, -2/+4wrong... picture...
  • br0wnstar, on 12/09/2007, -0/+99The weird thing is, I feel like a lot of girls get pleasure from the idea of a bunch of guys seeing their pictures.
    • kindrobot, on 12/09/2007, -0/+40Only attractive ones. If the guy is ugly, they go "ewww".
    • willy3121, on 12/09/2007, -0/+5I think you may have just stumbled upon the secret to the success of a website with 57 million members,,,
  • tynansanger, on 12/09/2007, -3/+4This would only be possible if Mark Zuckerberg could read minds.
    • SohailKhanifar, on 12/09/2007, -0/+5Which he does...What's the problem again?
    • victrola, on 12/09/2007, -0/+1What do you think he's saving your surf history for regarledd if you want him to or not?
  • egonSchiele, on 12/09/2007, -13/+1"Updated: 17 of your male friends and 1 female friend are currently Skeeving on your pictures."
    • OisinT, on 12/09/2007, -0/+8Reading: apparently you can do it!
      • nimawin, on 12/09/2007, -1/+3maybe he can't read.. he can copy paste... hmm?
        • OisinT, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1good call... didn't think of that.

          wait.. but then how would he know what to copy and paste... wouldn't it just be a random section, probably cut off 1/2 way though words? lol
  • martyFREEDOM, on 12/09/2007, -1/+31Hey, I went to school with Brett Sanders. I didn't know he was a stalker.
  • MrMaster2, on 12/09/2007, -1/+6What's with the picture?
    • bartonaa, on 12/10/2007, -0/+0This is from collegehumor... the picture is Jeff Rosenberg, the guy who wrote the article.
  • davidhildreth, on 12/09/2007, -9/+3Oh, I get it...
  • reedsmomishot, on 12/09/2007, -24/+0Since when does facebook show those sorts of things? Oh wait, it doesnt. FAKE!
    • savethemooses, on 12/09/2007, -1/+25You, my friend, are on top of things.
    • NdangerD, on 12/09/2007, -6/+1Doesn't.
    • nyjets21, on 12/09/2007, -0/+2what are you retarded...satire bro...ur a real sherlock
  • kindrobot, on 12/09/2007, -1/+54Bloodninja Put on his robe and wizard hat.
    • Netrilix, on 12/09/2007, -7/+6Heh, my younger brother was playing CS with a guy named "I put on my robe and wizard hat" yesterday. I don't think he got the reference.
      • bstew22, on 12/09/2007, -0/+4lame story
      • kinggimped, on 12/09/2007, -0/+9What a lovely story! Be sure to let us all know when it's out in paperback.
      • skabyss, on 12/09/2007, -1/+1What a waste of good HTML
  • birdspot, on 12/09/2007, -15/+1yeah it's reallllly bad: my chick is smokin hot and she has about a 10:1 guy:girl friend ratio... we can't even play poker without a bunch of dumbass groupies coming and giving her chips, etc... oh well... at least i am not the jealous type... yesterday one of the guys told her he dumped his girlfriend and was in love with her!! :O facebook fantasies are scary!
    • UndeadZmobie, on 12/09/2007, -2/+7So... basically, you don't have a girlfriend at all, and your mommy brings you your favorite ice cream before bed.
      • kinggimped, on 12/09/2007, -5/+1I didn't know you could set up a Facebook profile for your right hand.
    • shyla, on 12/09/2007, -0/+0no picture, not real
  • Dorepoll, on 12/09/2007, -1/+25The funniest bit was the dodgy photoshop.
  • Esprit, on 12/09/2007, -6/+3I saw the picture in the upper right and started reading the feeds, thinking it was a guy, and was about a 1/3 through thinking 'WTF?', then scrolled up and realized this was a 'girl's' profile.

    Also, buried as inaccurate, you can't close your Facebook profile.
  • hollygolitely, on 12/09/2007, -7/+1are you guys even looking at her face? gross.

    that aside, inaccurate & stupid. mostly.
    • kinggimped, on 12/09/2007, -1/+8Sense of humour to table four, please.
      • hollygolitely, on 12/09/2007, -0/+1oh i have one. but she's still an uggo.
  • NickDaddyKing, on 12/09/2007, -4/+7"Floyd leweather touched his left index finger to your profile picture as a single tear dropped unto the keyboard splashing on the letter c"
    • TheDaveBoy, on 12/09/2007, -1/+3Why do you feel the need to quote a small extract from something we have all just seen already?
  • kinggimped, on 12/09/2007, -4/+84If one more person invites me to install one more app, I will slaughter the entire population of Facebook. Somehow. THERE'S A SKIP BUTTON IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT WHEN YOU INSTALL THESE ***** APPS, I DON'T WANT TO THROW FOOD AT YOU OR HAVE MY OWN AQUARIUM OR BE PART OF YOUR ZOMBIE BITING FETISH THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU ***** GOIT.
  • Vapor17, on 12/09/2007, -3/+6Isn't this backwards? it shows her "closing her facebook account" at the bottom, but new things appear at the top.

    /Confused
    • gavintlgold, on 12/09/2007, -0/+6I believe it's more funny in this order. Otherwise the punchline would be first...
  • JFallon126, on 12/09/2007, -1/+21When pretty girls are the topic the bitter nerd side of Digg's community comes out. Hilarious.
    • AceLy, on 12/09/2007, -1/+3That bitter side also loves to complain about how girls always befriend them and use them but go out with jerks instead of them.
  • aroundtown, on 12/09/2007, -3/+14They forgot to add "CIA spiders logged all your information and cross referenced it to determine your potential for terror"
  • MerryMortician, on 12/09/2007, -2/+2do not want.
  • dozilla, on 12/09/2007, -9/+3I Love When People Write Their Titles Like This!
    • geneclar, on 12/09/2007, -0/+9That's how titles are meant to be written. Comments, on the other hand, are just sentences.
    • crushfan, on 12/09/2007, -0/+3But this is the right way for titling, just saying..
  • TheMidnight, on 12/09/2007, -3/+4Buried for inaccuracy. Facebook doesn't let you close your account.
  • induren, on 12/09/2007, -1/+1creepy but so true!
  • angle45media, on 12/09/2007, -1/+1boring
  • IHaveCrayons, on 12/09/2007, -1/+31215 wall posts? That is WEAK.
  • Makaveli604, on 12/09/2007, -2/+1Girls making out. God I love College Humor.
  • Blade2000, on 12/09/2007, -3/+0Not funny to me. I guess at my age (and never being on Facebook) this crap goes over my head...
  • c0baltfish, on 12/09/2007, -1/+1If you told this joke a year ago when the mini-feed was relatively new it might've been funny, now it's just old and irrelevant.
  • victrola, on 12/09/2007, -0/+3Facebook just gets scarier and scarier. Now that Zuckerburg has begun cashing out (he only owns a third of the company to) it's pretty much inevitable that the next person who becomes the primary director of facebook will have even more of a profit motive, and what he/she does with all of the info Facebook has collected on you is anybodys guess. One things for sure: it WILL be profitable, and you WONT like it.
  •  

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