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Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards for Teens

theonion.com — The Vatican has released a strict new set of Church laws intended to reduce the nocturnal emissions of teenage polluters by 50 percent in the next decade, Cardinal Antoni Bertoli announced Monday. In the past 10 years, unholy emissions from young men have risen by 150 million cubic cm, releasing erotic-dream byproducts into the bedsheet environment

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