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8 Important Lessons Learned from '80s Cartoons

cracked.com — We'd like to point out that we're aware of the fact that some of the cartoons listed below did not originate in the '80s. However, they were on during the '80s, that's when we watched them, so they're '80s cartoons to us. It's like when we refer to bedwetting as "late '90s behavior." Without further adieu...

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  • gwjc, on 10/12/2007, -68/+3Dugg mostly for the fact that I didn't know "Cracked" had moved online. Other than the GI Joe and the Smurfs pieces, the writer really didn't put much thought into it. Popeye was _NOT_ an "eighties" cartoon, far from it, if he was running out of eighties toons he should have used He-man or Thundercats. A lot of stories like this at Retrocrush.com if anyone's feeling nostalgic for eighties toons, by the by.
    • CharlesMay, on 10/12/2007, -0/+24Ummm, he did use He-man
    • poipoipoi, on 10/12/2007, -29/+3good lord that was the exact opposite of entertaining. find that writer an editor!
    • luciferin, on 10/12/2007, -1/+39Not only did it include He-Man, he noted that not all of the cartoons were actually from the '80's, just that they were ON in the eighties.
      Surprising that you didn't like something that you didn't read.
    • leobaby, on 10/12/2007, -5/+17Lesson 8: If we're not careful robots will kill us all.
    • aristotle1990, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16And why is his tail pointing up Daphne's skirt?
    • wwwdot1jesdotus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14"CARTOON: G.I. Joe
      LESSON: Knowing is half the battle.
      The other half of the battle is kicking Cobra’s terrorist ass."

      Dugg for this comment :)
    • hackwrench, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1The thing I learned from Silverhawks is that in the future there's no such thing as, and they've abandoned the concept of secure communications.

      I seem to remember the bad guys doing it more than the good guys, but it seemed like everyone was eavesdropping in what looked like a causal manner.
    • gwjc, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1Damn he did use He-man.. oh well the rest still stands.
  • linuxpenguin, on 10/12/2007, -11/+4That's kinda funny!

    and I thought it did include He-Man. . .
  • teddtech, on 10/12/2007, -38/+0Yeah! Blame the cartoons for the idiocy of man! Its not our fault, it's those damned CARTOONS!!! Take em all off the air!!!!

    SIGH
    • wwwdot1jesdotus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7I'm really amazed and embarrassed by the number of people who have commented negatively about the article and didn't read it.
  • itanshi, on 10/12/2007, -2/+14yeh for the record, i'd enjoy a thundercats lesson

    thundercats:talking valliantly all the time makes you heroic

    or

    thundercats:furries are your friends
    • chad78, on 10/12/2007, -9/+3Or better yet.

      Thundercats: It's great when your girlfriend looks uber hot and finishes almost as fast as you.
    • Simucal, on 10/12/2007, -2/+32Lesson 9: Thundercats: Racism Is ok even among super heros.

      There was one black thundercat, named Panthro (wow, real subtle). He didnt even have any real powers, he just drove the rest of the thundercats around all the time. Most racist show ever, lol.
    • yidali, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14thundercats: my sword gets longer if I yell "HO"
    • popfrogs, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4@simucal:

      Actually Panthro was the badass mechanic and vehicle builder for the Thundercats and, when kidnapped, the enemy mechanic as well. He was driving them around in stuff that he built. And don't forget the laser nunchucks he whipped out on occasion.

      Strangely, though, he was voiced by a black man but he was light grey. I guess there's a point there but I don't get it.
    • Dhalgren, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5Dude, I was a white kid (now a white adult) and Panthro was my favorite Thundercat. I always like the "fix it" characters in these shows, Donatello was my favorite Ninja Turtle. I don't think it was racist. Also, if you didn't know, the voice of Panthro was the grandpa from The Cosby Show...
  • radix76, on 10/12/2007, -12/+0Well,
    opening the 80`s sf-book marathon, one of the most important series to me was "Perry Rhodan" and everything of Asimov :)
  • thekurst, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9One of the funniest articles I've read in a long time
  • chad78, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16Who the heck put this in the "Design" category?

    Shouldn't this be under Entertainment > Television?
  • xevidentx, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1haha , the GI joe one was particularly funny =)
  • psbpv3o, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7Any chance they'll be doing this with 90's cartoons. I learned alot from x-men, spider-man, animaniacs, pinky and the brain, etc. I miss the 90's :(
    • bonlebon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8Freakazoid changed my perception of the world. ;)
    • YourTechSupport, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13Pinky And The Brain: If at first you don't succeed....
    • xxNIRVANAxx, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11...wait until tomorrow night
    • LaughingMan11, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Don't forget Batman the Animated Series, by the same guys who did tiny toons, animaniacs, and pinky and the brain...

      The 90s Batman toon is the definitive Batman series of recent history.
    • SelfAbortion, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8And of course The Simpsons with its many excellent lessons.

      "Well you tried your hardest and failed. What does that teach us? Never try."
    • EsotericBoredom, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5"Are you pondering what I'm pondering pinky?
      I think so Brain but this time you put the rubber pants on the duck."

      Now that's a life lesson we could all use.
  • jd72277, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9Popeye did have a newer cartoon on Saturday mornings in the 80s (Popeye and Friends (1976-1988), so this still counts. Just like Scooby Doo, who seems to always have a current show or movie.
    • hackwrench, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2That voting for Scooby Doo for president on Cartoon Network was blatently rigged. The system was set up so that you cast a vote without being told that the click would submit a vote was the most blaring problem I encountered. It's been awhile, but the horror, the horror. Also, most of the candidates were lesser known and or non-main characters.
  • HappyScrappy, on 10/12/2007, -14/+13Now you know. And knowing is have the battle.
    • popfrogs, on 10/12/2007, -7/+11HALF the battle.

      Jesus and this got modded up. What does 'have the battle' mean to the mods?
    • HappyScrappy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12chill popfrogs.

      It means that I made a typo and digg spazzed and didn't even show it within 120 seconds, so I couldn't edit it away.

      You're very fortunate that you half never made a mistake.
    • dizzledaking, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2HAVE never made a mistake ;)

      PS: i got the joke
    • popfrogs, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1@happyscrappy:

      Dude, that's not a typo, anymore than typing 'grammar not see' instead of 'grammar nazi'. I will, however, take your advice to chill. It is rather hot here today.
    • HappyScrappy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3popfrogs:
      How would you know? Were you looking over my shoulder when I typed it? You saw the incorrect words forming in my head?

      I apologize, I was not aware you were the final arbiter as to what is and isn't in the world.
    • grammarpolice, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I am the dam arbitror and Im saying chill out to the both of you.

      *hopefully I get promoted to the grammarnazi possition soon. . . :)
    • Persnickety, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1It's the "adieu"/"ado" thing in the original post that is killing me.
  • scott1, on 10/12/2007, -5/+13Here's some he could use not form the 80's
    9) The Simpson's
    Lesson:Some people are just stupid
    10)VeggieTales
    Lesson: The talking intelligent vegetables featured in that cartoon came from thousands of years natural selection and evolution starting single celled organisms which proves the theory of evolution
    11)Sponge Bob square pants
    Lesson: Proves that it is ok to be gay
    12)Pokemon
    Lesson: Kids and adults can't watch tv at the same time

    • backflip10019, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1Yeah it is. Apparently they just launched a magazine too. Must have a pretty decent fanbase to do that.
  • tommertron, on 10/12/2007, -6/+3I'm just surprised this is on Cracked.com. Cracked?? Is that thing still around?
  • digitaldater, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9I thought Smurfs were Socialists?

    Also, there was a remake of Popeye cartoons in the late 70's.

    The Simpson's are from the late 80's

    Star Blazers is 70's but I recall watching alot in the 80's. Did we learn anything from Star Blazers?

    All I can say is that Hanna Barbera taught me that drugs are bad and that the fine art of cartooning was a thing of the past.
    • VirtualCtor, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Star Blazers was originally produced in Japan as Space Cruiser Yamato, by Yoshinobu Nishizaki in 1974. Star Blazers was brought to America for the 1979/1980 season, which is why you remember it being on in the 80's. It usually aired about 3:30 to 4:30 pm.

      Things we learned from Star Blazers:
      1. Sunken WWII battleships make great spaceships.
      2. Engineers working on nonapproved side projects can literally save your life.
      3. Dood, FTL travel is like a drug trip! Groovy!
      4. Doctors have such a problem holding their liquor that they can get totally ripped on "spring water".
      5. From time to time, especially in times of great turmoil, people die. Even main characters.
      6. Given a years time, you can do anything - even save the world.
      7. The Wave Motion Gun has the coolest sound of any weapon. Ever.

  • zeras, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1Simpsons were lame compaire those
    cartoons. I loved the 80's cartoon, such
    as ROBOTECH, Voltron, Johnny quest
    • OrangeTide, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Johnny Quest was 80s? I think my Dad used to watch it when he was a kid. Unless they did some remake in the 80s? (I bet if they did, it didn't last very long).

      THUNDERCATS HO!
    • adml_shake, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Robotech and VOLTRON....I mean come the hell on! No Voltron!? That was THE cartoon of the 80's! And where was MASK? Who didn't want a camero with gull-wing doors that let the car fly when they were open?!
    • NoNom, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Yeah there was a remake of Johnny Quest.

      The original came out in the 60s. There was a remake in the mid 80s that was the backbone for those stand alone movies featuring Dr. Zin. It introduced Race's daughter Jessie and a stone-guy named Hardrock. Then there was another "dual-remake" in the late 90s. I say "dual-remake" because the production and storyline changed dramatically. The first one had an X-Files feel to it. It seemed to focus on Johnny, Hadji, and Jessie in their later teen years and their adventures into modern folklore (the Jersey Devil, Native Americans related to aliens, a white tiger in the city blamed for murders etc.). The later part seemed to go back to the early teen years and focused on mostly VR missions that featured a villain that reminded me of Steven Hawking.
  • sogracefully, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2jem is great (truly, truly outrageous), but being free to dye your hair pink and shapeshift into a different person is NOT feminism, mmmkay?
  • Drull, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5He missed punky brewster.
    • hackwrench, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1The lesson to learn from Punky Brewster is not to embarrass girls about the fact that they are starting to develop breasts or later in life they will want to get breast reductions.
    • diktator279, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Don't play in refrigerators or everyone will have to learn how to do CPR
  • humblepatience, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I think I pissed my pants. What a great post!
  • VeteranRanger, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Great article :)
    And by the way it's 'without further ado'
    adieu means farewell in french.

    Cheers.
  • drfranktm, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Good memories... I'd like to watch some of these shows again one of these days, but when I did try to watch the Transformers again, I was rather disappointed. Oh! Well... I guess I'll download some TMNT when I get a new hard drive. That stuff was good! :-)
  • OrangeTide, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1No Alvin and the Chipmunks? Or The Littles? Ducktales or Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers? .. and you cannot forget THE CAREBEARS.

    Also there was a weird cartoon that aired around Jem where the kids were in this weird world with pyramids and hoverpads and they played music. I wish I could remember the name of it, so I could mock it.
  • MikeMacMan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1This brought back a lot of memories. I used to watch all of these shows when I was a kid...
  • mancat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Too bad CAPTAIN POWER wasn't a cartoon. CAPTAIN POWER would crush this list with his bare hands.
  • starseed420, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2Okay, I'm going to say once and for all, HE-MAN was NOT gay .. If anything the author is holding back somthing with his ohh so ***** erotic description

    "golden locks cut in a tasteful bob, buff biceps, tanned, toned, hairless torso, a magic sword and most importantly, fabulous powers. What’s more, He-Man invites his handsome friends, the Masters of the Universe, to come hang out in his castle anytime. Of course Skeletor and his fugly cohorts are never allowed access to the secrets of He-Man’s dark, dry palace."

    I really didn't find this guys humor capitivating.. The effort behind the article seemed weak and cliche
    • gclef, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Keep telling yourself that...it's okay, we understand.
  • bigteebo, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1The odder thing is that Cracked magazine has a website.
  • phrozenone, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Also check out this link http://www.80scartoons.net/ very comprehensive directory of cartoons.....
  • ddales, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Kimba the White Lion
    Speed Racer
    Johnny Quest
    Land of the Lost - not a cartoon but still very cool
    The Banana Splits - again, not a cartoon but included cartoons
    The Archies

    Ok, not necessarily 80's but still very cool.
  • HsoKinees, on 10/12/2007, -0/+180/90's tv shows rocked.. why can't new shows be like that?

    for example.. Biker Mice From Mars.. the new series.. i'm enjo... uhm.. watching the series every saturday morning(literally, 8:25am!!), but it's no where near as great as the original! :( but I still watch this is hope of it improving..
  • kTuck, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0WIth all the nostalgia floating around this article, I took a look at recent saturday morning cartoons since my little brother is up anyway. Their mostly terrible, goes to show the 80's and 90's were awesome for cartoons
  • tryferos, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1kTuck is right, the current cartoons pretty much suck, although there are few good ones, i.e Teen Titans, Justice League, Justice League Unlimited. Whats worse is that some of the cartoons I grew up with in the eighties have been remade or revamped nowadays and they just stink. Has anyone seen the new He-Man or Transformers? Just horrible, absolutely horrible.

    If only I had a time machine to go back when cartoons rocked...
  • Enlightenment, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Wow, not amazing though, looks like most people don't even have a CLUE when some of these shows first came out. We have the internet and people are too lazy to look up this stuff...like usual on Digg.

    The Smurfs, 1963, 1980:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Smurfs
    Typical 80's cartoons, but obviously a lot older.

    Popeye, 1929, 1978:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popeye
    Too old to be consider 80's, just a respin in 80's.

    G.I. Joe, 1942, 1982:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.I._Joe
    Too old to be consider 80's, just a respin in 80's.

    Scooby-Doo, 1969:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scooby_doo
    True clasic 70's cartoon.
    Nothing in this show gives the feel of the 80's. Wake up!

    He-Man, 1983:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/He-Man
    Typical 80's.

    Jem, 1985:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jem_%28TV_series%29
    Typical 80's.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 1984, 1987:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles
    Typical 80's.

    Transformers, 1984:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Transformers_%28TV_series%29
    Typical 80's.

    Johnny Quest, 1964:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Quest
    True classic 60's cartoon!
    Nothing in this show gives the feel of the 80's. Wake up!

    Speed Racer, 1933, 1967:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_Racer
    True classic 60's cartoon!
    Nothing in this show gives the feel of the 80's. Wake up!

    The Banana Splits, 1968:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Banana_Splits
    Sucked in 60's / 70's and still sucks.

    The Archies, 1968:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Archies
    Obvious from 60's or 70's, wake up.
    Obvious similar feel as music on Scooby-Doo.

    The Simpsons, 1989...:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_simpsons
    Barely squeeked in the 80's but really considered a 90's show.

    Rocko's Modern Life, 1993:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocko%27s_Modern_Life
    Some are very funny.

    Two Stupid Dogs, 1993:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_Stupid_Dogs
    Little Red Riding Hood and Mr Hollywood rock!
    Stupid as hell, but funny.
    Put this back on!

    DuckMan, 1994:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duckman
    Another show with balls...
    Doesn't hold back!
    Put this back on!

    SouthPark, 1997:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southpark
    Finally something with balls...

    Tripping The Rift, 2004:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tripping_the_rift
    Another show with balls, and T&A, ...

    Futurama, 1999:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Futurama
    We miss it!

    • slamm6, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Thanks Enlightenment. You saved me the trouble. One correction on Speed Racer, though. 1933 was the year of birth of the artist. 1964 is right for the cartoon.
      Cheers. But, I disagree on your review of the Banana Splits....
      "Tra-la-la.
      La-la-la-la.
      La-la-la.
      La-la-la-la."
      That's sheer poetry.
    • cwgannon, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Not sure if you noticed, but the author states right from the get-go that these shows were not necessarily made in the '80s--only that they were on TV during the '80s.
  • rparle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1The only lesson to learn from MASK is never to leave your toys lying around or T-Bob will fall over them and fall down the stairs. I'm pretty sure they ended every episode with that. Then they all stood around laughing about it, which sorta limited their ability to show the negative consequences of the stair-falling.
  • chevyorange, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1No Starblazers no digg. Yeah, it was from the 70s but it played in the 80s too.
  • fatas, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Great read. Rofl @ He-man.

    I loved the Smurfs.
  • mrtruffle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0So true. The Jem and TMNT ones feel a little filler though. C'mon theres plenty more cartoons with lessons.

    Great article though.
  • JohnTomato, on 10/12/2007, -2/+0The Cracked marketing weasels are really pushing their content. Too bad most of it reeks.
  • airship, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"If we’re not careful, robots will kill us all."

    If only more of us would learn this valuable lesson.
  • theprezz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1http://duggmirror.com/videos_animation/Huge_List_of_Full_Length_Cartoons/
    http://prezwho.com/cartoons.htm
  •  

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