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8 Ways to Win (or Avoid) a Bar Fight With Limbs Intact

sloshspot.com — At some point in your life you are likely to find yourself a participant in a bar fight. These altercations occur for various reasons, but can usually be attributed to some drunken chump who couldn't keep his mouth shut, or couldn't handle the fact you just snatched up his lady's digits while he was peter-gazing in the urinal.

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  • Surferess, on 07/08/2008, -5/+43Dugg for the guy with the blood dripping out of his temple.
  • HuskyPuzzle, on 07/08/2008, -1/+16That first shot def looks like a dramatization, and yeah, that guy with the silly shorts and the cell phone on his belt got his ass beat...and is still trying to put together what happened.
  • ruelster, on 07/09/2008, -0/+48Dugg for the awesome video
  • lmhoward, on 07/09/2008, -2/+16Dugg for peter-gazing reference.
  • Shogi, on 07/09/2008, -1/+35BANG BANG BANG.
  • alapoet, on 07/09/2008, -4/+74Just be aware that physically whupping people's asses is still illegal.

    I once did a year behind bars for decisively winning a street fight. And yes, it WAS self defense.

    Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
    • PMG2007, on 07/09/2008, -1/+11that is crazy, I don't think a lot of people realize that basically calling people a "bad word" is now harassment and you can get arrested. It seems you get put in jail for everything.
      • burjzyntski, on 07/09/2008, -1/+4depending on the town.
        some cops just have nothing better to do.
      • MtheoryX, on 07/09/2008, -2/+4Police...










        State.
    • briankoenig03, on 07/09/2008, -0/+30Just wondering, does "decisively winning" == "killing the guy"?
      • blackjack75, on 07/09/2008, -0/+9If can kill someone and get away with only one year in jail I'll make up a list of people who are worth it...
      • MtheoryX, on 07/09/2008, -0/+6That would, in fact, be a decisive win.

        Although, I would call it a "Fatality," and subsequently award extra points.
    • jus1haz2, on 07/09/2008, -3/+13One time me and 4 friends went up to Canada and these 5 guys started giving us crap, my friend picked up a rock and started yelling Russian at them. Some choice words were exchanged and we ended up just walking away. Later that night we were all sitting out on the beach (in Osoyoos) and all of a sudden 15 guys surrounded us, ya that's right they went and got backup. Holy crap it was scary! We just fought our way out of the circle and ran like hell!!
      • WhoDoneIt, on 07/09/2008, -6/+4Moral of the story is..

        Don't mess with Canadians when they are drinking their precious beer in Osoyoos, because not only do beers come in 15 packs in BC...
      • metroidragon, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Yes, be careful out in Osoyoos, as the only desert in Canada, it's very hot during the summer and a huge party town that attracts lots of tourists. Chances are the guys weren't even from around there, but probably just there to party.

        It's a beautiful town eh?
    • mywhitenoise, on 07/09/2008, -5/+3This, combined with your profile makes you look really awesome.
      • JointVenture, on 07/09/2008, -2/+2Yeah, especially his support of psycho Cynthia McKinney.
    • Osirus1156, on 07/09/2008, -0/+5From the video:
      "and remember, everything on the streets is legal."
    • teamgwho, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3We've all seen Con-Air, so we know you're telling the truth.

      (seriously though, that sucks)
    • SmokinOkie, on 07/09/2008, -0/+2Did you forget to run like hell after he was down?
    • adacas, on 07/09/2008, -1/+4better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6
    • bieber, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3Illegal in some states, I think you meant to say. Self-defense law varies pretty greatly throughout the US, and in other countries, of course...
      • alapoet, on 07/10/2008, -1/+2This was California. California's self defense laws suck ass.

        "Arrive on vacation, leave on probation."
      • NeoConSlayer, on 07/14/2008, -0/+3Sorry about that Steve. I almost did 20 to 99 for "aggravated assault with a deadly weapon". My crime? Some gorilla decided that he would pick on the small guy in the bar. Hey, I'm only 5' 8" and this 6'+ a-hole bangs into me and demands an "apology". I said "whatever dude" and went about my business. This idiot then proceeds to follow me out to my vehicle at the end of the night and insists that I apologize or he's gonna' "kick my ass". I produced my pistol and "billy bad ass" ran off screaming like the little bitch that he was. The Grand Jury returned a "no bill" after hearing the facts................
    • LogicBomB, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2That's because you "decisively" won it. Self defence is limited to using equal or lesser force to protect yourself from harm. Not wup the other guy's ass.

  • drgkstep, on 07/09/2008, -9/+63Seems like this article was not only written by violent morons, it encourages illegal behavior. And come on "bring lots of guys with you" we had a joke back in Chicago, "How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"...
    "51, 1 to screw in the lightbulb and the other 50 to back him up."

    ***** cowards.
    • sukmydigg, on 07/09/2008, -8/+5Bring lots of guys with you to stay "out" of a fight; to "discourage" someone from picking a fight with you. Must have been Chicago Inner-city school...I think you had trouble following the message of the article pal. Better luck next time.
      • ADIDAS247, on 07/09/2008, -0/+16Yeah, the message of the article was: Kick him in his nuts then hit him with things after you kicked him in the nuts or just stay out of fights before someone kicks you in the nuts
      • shutaro, on 07/09/2008, -0/+24Either way, someone's getting kicked in the nuts.
      • Shiftyeyeddogg, on 07/09/2008, -0/+10Ow, my balls!
      • leerayIG88, on 07/09/2008, -4/+1I have a gf who likes to eat my nuts.
    • CCB0x45, on 07/09/2008, -0/+4the article was really meant to be tongue in cheek, not and as said before, it definitely stated that "bringing more guys" was good because there would be peacekeepers to avoid the fight.
    • shotgunefx, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3I'll say #3 is retarded, brandishing anything without provocation is retarded and certainly likely to turn a fist fight into a melee.

      Some idiot throws something, or swings something, hits someone else and boom.
      • chuckDontSurf, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3Not to mention that bashing someone's skull with a bar chair is a pretty good way to get thrown in jail. It's not like the WWE.
    • SmokinOkie, on 07/09/2008, -0/+151, that's funny, and sooooo true!
  • drgkstep, on 07/09/2008, -17/+4Seems like this article was not only written by violent morons, it encourages illegal behavior. And come on "bring lots of guys with you" we had a joke back in Chicago, "How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"...
    "51, 1 to screw in the lightbulb and the other 50 to back him up."

    ***** cowards.
  • JMR81, on 07/09/2008, -15/+11Drkstep, you are calling someone a violent moron from behind a computer. And you probably wouldn't do this to their face. And you call them cowards. I then take you to be nothing more than a little hypocritical bitch? That article was pretty entertaining, and definitely dugg because I thought it was an interesting read from a different perspective. Awesome video. Good point alapoet. Definitetly a worthy disclaimer!
    • maldovix, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3I'm pretty certain the first three sentences of this article apply pretty specifically to you
    • mywhitenoise, on 07/09/2008, -0/+2"Drkstep, you are calling someone a violent moron from behind a computer. And you probably wouldn't do this to their face."

      yeah...probably because he's interacting with someone ONLINE. What would be the manly thing to do, buy a plane ticket and state your opinion face to face?
      • krsone2424, on 07/09/2008, -0/+1Jay and Silent Bob did it, why shouldn't he?
  • hollywoodphony, on 07/09/2008, -1/+26Bong! Bong! Bong! Smack his face! Smack his face! Smack his face!
  • TEHxINTERWEBS, on 07/09/2008, -2/+17Hit. Hit. Hit! To the groin!
  • Renostyle, on 07/09/2008, -6/+73This ***** of a businessman who looked like a roided out David Caruso picked a fight with my friend at a bar because my friend had leaned over the guy's girlfriend's purse to order a drink. After last call, he went outside and dropped off his jacket and his girl in the car and then snuck back in and confronted my friend.
    After his snide, conniving, condescending attempts at patronizing, he grabbed my friend by the shirt, at which point my friend palmed the guy in the face with his drink glass, which shattered, and almost completely severed the guy's nose off.
    After picking up all the knocked over stools, and letting the people clean up all the guy's blood, we took off right as the cops were interviewing people about what happened. We were lucky enough to walk by the guy, who for some reason was now shirtless and bloody, and while the cops were talking to him and I had the wonderful opportunity to hear this little back and forth:
    Exasperated cop: "*sigh* Sir, did you really go back inside and grab the gentleman before he struck you?"
    His answer was somewhere along the lines of, "Of course I ***** did!" *flex*
    I don't know if it was the booze or just the HGH coursing that made him do that, then admit to it, but I'll never forget the look of that pompous, inflated ginger with half a nose dangling off his face when the cops informed him that he could not press any criminal charges since he initiated and instigated the fight.

    You can digg me down, I just wanted to share that.
    • DeskFlyer, on 07/09/2008, -18/+9Your friend is a douchebag for using a mug to someone's face as a reaction to being grabbed by the shirt.
      • ADIDAS247, on 07/09/2008, -4/+19Maybe he was just instinctually reacting to the situation instead of standing around like a putz about to get smacked around?
      • teamgwho, on 07/09/2008, -1/+6WTFV. You obviously didn't watch it or didn't learn anything from the video. You could be in the fight of your life. Once you realize you're in a fight, hit hard and quick. The next thing after his shirt being grabbed could've been him on the floor, the barstool kicked out from under him, or much worse. Besides, I've no idea what the friend is like but presumably he doesn't look like a roided up David Caruso, so against that kind of an enemy, take any shot you have.
      • Midtowner, on 07/09/2008, -1/+7If you're attacked, you want to incapacitate your attacker ASAP if possible. You don't know if he went outside to get a gun or a knife.
      • chuckDontSurf, on 07/09/2008, -1/+5I agree. Hitting him hard in the face (especially the nose) without the mug is just as effective, and much less likely to land you in jail (or kill or seriously injure him). All these tough guys talking about "you're in a fight for your life" are retarded drama queens. Give me a break.
    • hollywoodphony, on 07/09/2008, -0/+18What happened to your friend's hand when the glass he was holding in his palm shattered?
      • Renostyle, on 07/09/2008, -1/+6Surprisingly little actually. Somehow. I think he got a small cut on his finger, but you know, "you should see the other guy" as they say.
    • wedges, on 07/09/2008, -0/+6dugg because i really love analogies like "[he] looked like a roided out David Caruso"
      • MysticSavage, on 07/11/2008, -0/+2That analogy will haunt my dreams.
    • metroidragon, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2what the hell makes you think that people would digg you down for a story that awesome?
  • getjustin, on 07/09/2008, -1/+32If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: "Everyone underestimates a kick in the groin....BOOM!...I follow up...BONG!BONG!..."
    • burjzyntski, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3nah, people understand the level of pain/discomfort it causes, they just know it's a cheap shot that a 7 year old could make to bring down a 42 year old.

      i would do it if I had to, though :/
      • Skorme, on 07/09/2008, -0/+2There's no such thing as a fair fight on the streets. If a man twice my size is coming after me with only his fists, my thoughts are his intentions to kill me. I would not hesitate to do anything lethal off the bat.

        The point is that there is a different between professional fighting like you see in a boxing ring and in a UFC octagon. However, there is no way in telling what another man is going to do to you out in the real world.
      • TopherT, on 07/09/2008, -0/+2If I'm in a fight (and it's happened only 3 times in my life), the other guy started it, I don't fight unless I've already been hit. When I react, I hold nothing back because... well because ***** them, they started it. Groin shots, teeth, elbows, nearby blunt objects, its a fight, any supposed 'rules' have no relation to the situation I'm in, I never signed a contract.
      • teamgwho, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1not sure why but I've taken shots to the groin in sports (and once by a kick that was intentional) and honestly, it wasn't nearly as painful as most comedies would lead you to believe. I assume it hurts for most people but me it doesn't hurt so bad. I've always wondered why...

        //yeah yeah, insert small penis jokes here wise guys
    • megaloid, on 07/09/2008, -0/+4Dug up for the always-humorous Bas Rutten.

      "DIGGADIGGA DANG! And of course, do not forget the liver..."
  • dpazar2, on 07/09/2008, -1/+22anything goes! just no touching of the hair or face, Brick, where did you get a grenade???
    • Wilsontristan, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3Brick killed a guy. With a trident!
  • fas2, on 07/09/2008, -1/+38Dugg for sand in his vagina.
  • psogle, on 07/09/2008, -1/+3Is one guy trying to pull the other guys hair in the forst fight? his hair is really really short thats going to be tough
  • jboitnott, on 07/09/2008, -2/+11No actually the first "fight" is not a fight at all. It is two drunk guys who were told to pretend as if they were angry at each other for the purposes of this blog. Meanwhile they both appear to be attempting to suppress feelings of desire for each other.
  • Odenized, on 07/09/2008, -8/+4There's no reason you can't win a bar fight with with this tutorial. Great work to the author who lives by his words!
  • granolajoe, on 07/09/2008, -3/+3The article and the guy in the video stress an important bar fight survival move: the sucker punch. If the first punch is a good one, it could be enough to kill the fight right then and there. Best of all, you can go back to enjoying your beer.
  • DeskFlyer, on 07/09/2008, -4/+50I was at a bar once, and no one was talking to me cause I just did a show... and I ran into a guy, and instead of saying "excuse me" he said "get the hell out of my way", so I said "Go to hell" - and I ran away. He caught up to me.... he had on a hat, a nose ring, an eyebrow ring, a goatee, a tongue ring, and 3 earrings. He said, "Hey man, you have a lot of nerve," and then I said "Hey man, you have a lot of - cranium accessories." You guys are a smart crowd, when I do the dumber crowds, I have to say, "Hey man, you have a lot of ***** on your head."

    /hedberg
    • CCB0x45, on 07/09/2008, -0/+12I love that one from him.
    • thirty6chambers, on 07/09/2008, -3/+3and there's another example why I never found him to be funny. yea i know, this is getting buried.
      • MysticSavage, on 07/11/2008, -1/+1At least you will have something in common with him.
  • BoonTobias, on 07/09/2008, -1/+4http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?vi ...
  • JP1998, on 07/09/2008, -4/+2one day to late for me, hard to type with a stick tape to nose
  • bag2p, on 07/09/2008, -3/+1peter-gazing?
  • chamberlanderic, on 07/09/2008, -1/+241- don't go to a bar in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
    • TweedleDan, on 07/09/2008, -0/+7Things have been getting pretty stabby here the last few years. How is every bar not forced to use a metal detector yet? Well maybe they'll be able to afford more security now with the minimum drink prices. Oh right, those minimum drink prices are going to "curb the violence".
    • fluidfoundation, on 07/09/2008, -0/+5I say just drink in places other than bars. You know, like church, school, the bus, medical exams, court hearings... that way, you don't have to worry about getting in a bar fight.
    • jus1haz2, on 07/09/2008, -3/+2Or Osoyoos

      One time me and 4 friends went up to Canada and these 5 guys started giving us crap, my friend picked up a rock and started yelling Russian at them. Some choice words were exchanged and we ended up just walking away. Later that night we were all sitting out on the beach (in Osoyoos) and all of a sudden 15 guys surrounded us, ya that's right they went and got backup. Holy crap it was scary! We just fought our way out of the circle and ran like hell!!
      • Rudo122, on 07/09/2008, -0/+2I was there as well and as I was running away they threw a lawn chair at me and it hit me in the back, pretty funny to look back on though. ***** asshats.
      • metroidragon, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1You really only gotta repeat a story once, kthxs.
    • djepik, on 07/09/2008, -0/+2I'll be putting my life on the line this weekend! Can't wait!
  • goodylallen, on 07/09/2008, -4/+1I thought a bar fight was a drink.
  • cotaskmemalloc, on 07/09/2008, -9/+2Haha, I enjoyed this article. This may be the first list I've ever dugg on Digg.
  • Fleagleman, on 07/09/2008, -6/+4This is just moronic. I need some lame blog to tell me to kick a guy in the nuts? None of this crap is anything more than regurgitated movie comedy cliche, and not at all effective in the real world.

    The most important thing to remember about drunk guys looking for a fight is, even if you manage to beat him into submission, he'll keep coming back, forcing you to continue the beating. Drunk guys are brave and stupid--two horrible combinations. It's best to avoid it at all costs.
    • mikelist, on 07/09/2008, -0/+0when i was quite young, i got in a fight despite my cowardice and general dislike of unpleasantness. the guy kicked me in the jimmies, but it just made my stomach hurt and it pissed me off. he went down first punch, he tried to get up but couldn't, until his friends helped him, whereupon he tried to stick me again, but he was already in loser mode and he went on his ass again. his friends didn't help him up that time, and i didn't see a need to hit him again.

      i don't like hitting people and i really don't like hitting them more than once -al capone
  • Vurk, on 07/09/2008, -6/+8Buried as irrelevant. Digg users don't go to bars.
  • FullMetalNIN, on 07/09/2008, -3/+20/3 in fights, but 3/3 in shiners. Tequila is always a bad decision!
    • Badandy127, on 07/09/2008, -0/+1And if by "always" you mean "never".
  • Residents, on 07/09/2008, -2/+3Only time I ever had trouble in a bar is when a fat used-to-be-in-shape 40 year old starts touching or trying to kiss the ladies I'm hanging out with. Because he's drunk, doesn't understand what he's doing and well... obviously 40 and desperate. Besides the reference to kicking the balls, if this person really intimidates you - in other words, he might just get up even more angry after a kick to the nuts. Might I suggest looking at which leg he's standing on and just kick his knee right out the back of his leg. He won't get up. Hell if you know enough bar tenders make him swing first and you won't even be held accountable. You just use the generic excuse - I was scared for my life, this man is crazy as hell.
    • SillyRabbits, on 07/09/2008, -0/+2You are living in a dream world. I have friends that spent years paying off the medical bills of people they hurt in fights (and they weren't even the ones that started them). These days you can bet it will likely go to court and anything can happen there. It's also important to remember there's a big difference between being held criminally responsible and civilly responsible. Go ahead and kick the 40 year old's knee out and tell me how you enjoy paying for his $30K knee replacement surgery and rehab. Welcome to the real world.
      • saranagati, on 07/10/2008, -0/+2really depends on where you live. if you live in a 'party city' then fights at bars are really common. as long as you're not there when the cops show up, they aren't going to come looking for you, even if the other person is leaving in an ambulance.
      • Residents, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1Yeah honestly the bar tenders at the establishment I'm talking about would not say I was involved. They'd say someone did it and ran off and give some BS description. They automatically hate anyone who starts a fight and will help screw them over. Its kind of well known in this area actually. You start something and you're basically fair game.
  • hollywoodphony, on 07/09/2008, -1/+24Wow, I never knew how many tough, brute men were on Digg. My hat is off to anyone who can manage to fit in time for their extensive ninjitsu training and still fire off such pithy comments! I salute you, American Heroes!
  • pitchblack16, on 07/09/2008, -1/+4kicking in the nuts is fair game if the guy is twice your size
    • Skorme, on 07/09/2008, -0/+1Kicking in the nuts is fair game to any man, as long as you win a fight. A man twice your size could be a bitch, but a man half your size could ***** you up in about 8 seconds.
    • Robosheep, on 07/10/2008, -0/+0And because this is Digg all men you'd meet in a bar will be twice your size you sad little midget of a man.
  • AwsmGy, on 07/09/2008, -2/+22The best way to win is to walk away. You're in a ***** bar if there's fights there anyways.
    • BobZombie00, on 07/09/2008, -3/+1Pussy!
    • TheBigBad, on 07/09/2008, -1/+1If it were only that easy. Unfortunately, you can't always walk away.
  • Congobongo, on 07/09/2008, -2/+0"And when he's knocked out, you can play fun games such as hide the pepper!"
  • teethandeyes, on 07/09/2008, -7/+3I have gotten out of more fights than I can count by acting really crazy. The crazy card really works. When I start screaming that I am going to rape the prospective bozo and began to shake and move about very erratically, they tend to get nervous and back the ***** off, if they still wanna go and start to move in, I start growling, throw myself to the ground, and punching myself in the face. They always back off after this.
  • johnnyrotten, on 07/09/2008, -5/+1Wasn't there an almost identical article to this on Digg about 4 months ago?
  • pennvneff, on 07/09/2008, -1/+8Bas Rutten in the *****' house
  • teamgwho, on 07/09/2008, -3/+10"Dont"
    "You"
    "Ever"
    "Do"
    "That"

    and we got treated to that twice!

    Awesome!
  • chewycheese, on 07/09/2008, -5/+6I am heavy weapons guy.
  • xsquirrel378x, on 07/09/2008, -6/+2You guys spend your Saturday nights submitting ***** articles to digg and fapping off to CP

    bar fights lol
    • GREEDOnvrFIRED, on 07/09/2008, -1/+2This from the submitter of "Fun Facts: URINE"
      Submitted on a Friday night by the way.
      • xsquirrel378x, on 07/09/2008, -1/+1It was a satirical response to MrBabyMan's "Fun Facts About Poop" that made the front page.
        I do stay home a lot, but I still believe the same about the majority of the community.
  • Commodore69, on 07/09/2008, -2/+12don chu ever do dat agen bang bang ...
    - El Guapo
  • Oddish, on 07/09/2008, -0/+4Bas Rutten's "Lethal Street Fighting" Self Defense System
    http://www.amazon.com/Ruttens-Lethal-Street-Fighti ...
  • ncc74656m, on 07/09/2008, -3/+2I'll win the fight and just say "Your honor, look at me. Do I look like I'm going to go around starting fights?" Tall, thin, no musculature, beer gut. Nope. Self defense, and almost garaunteed because a lot of the idiots around here are big jocks.
  • Memnochxx, on 07/09/2008, -0/+3As opposed to winning a bar fight with limbs not intact? That'd be impressive.
  • ohnoitstaylor, on 07/09/2008, -1/+19I'm a digger, not a fighter.
  • angrycat, on 07/09/2008, -3/+2Or just have one of your bouncer buddies toss him out if he gives you *****.

    But digg users don't have friends so...
  • gab00n, on 07/09/2008, -0/+13I just avoid areas where low class white trash drunks like to congregate.
  • protard, on 07/09/2008, -3/+7"At some point in your life you are likely to find yourself a participant in a bar fight."

    Wrong (unless you're an *****, douchebag, or muscle head).
    • sukmydigg, on 07/10/2008, -0/+1lol...come hang out in Texas, Alabama, or Florida... DOUCHEBAG. :) People can get the ***** kicked out of them just because...
      • bbqsalad, on 07/10/2008, -0/+5Amerrrriiicaaaa ***** YEAHHHHHHHHHH

        And yeah I think that was his point. Texas, Alabama and Florida are 99.9 percent assholes... with the 00.1 percent being my grandma in Florida.

  • liuite, on 07/09/2008, -1/+4head-butt your opponent Holyfield style, elbow the base of back of the head or strike the jugular with the blade of your hand...lights out! These are dirty but effective move even in some sanctioned fights.
    • MysticSavage, on 07/11/2008, -0/+1The element of surprise is your friend.
  • KaivenTor, on 07/09/2008, -2/+1In a bar fight, yeah, people get hurt, people get arrested, whatever. A lot of it depends on how willing the cops are to listen to the same story over and over again.

    In a street fight, you put down your opponent hard. And I mean hard as in they won't get up. You don't always have to kill them, but in some states it may be advisable (thieves can sue homeowners in NY for excessive force and win money in cases, don't screw around with thieves, especially armed ones). You can stand trial in a grand jury and if you can prove that it was life threatening self defense, you can be aquitted (admittadly this is getting harder in our ever increasingly PC society).

    It depends on the situation.
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