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NFL PRO emails JOHN MADDEN, Reason? His Low Player Rating in Game.

thephatphree.com — "Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I ’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is ***** ***** and you should kiss my mother-***** ass."

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  • oOLiquidNightOo, on 10/12/2007, -1/+44after surfing around the site, i believe that email is satirical.
  • theMcPatriot, on 10/12/2007, -3/+38hilarious. I don't care if it wasn't written by the actual player.
    • hater, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10Here's the dude's player profile. He's a long snapper, which is a large reason why he has a low rating.

      http://www.redskins.com/team/profile.jsp?id=2288
    • hoppdawg, on 10/12/2007, -2/+55***** hilarious

      "My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 ponds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut."
    • jaredvolkl, on 10/12/2007, -3/+9I almost spit my soda out when I read that Ted Washington/Jabba line.
  • Bloast, on 10/12/2007, -15/+1funny
  • G_Raph, on 10/12/2007, -89/+6Madden doesn't even know anything about football, I would be surprised if he even knew how to turn on a computer.
    • GravyTrain6, on 10/12/2007, -4/+68except for his super bowl rings....yea, he doesn't know anything about football
    • mkayatta, on 10/12/2007, -45/+3certainly not an in-flight computer
    • MikeDawg, on 10/12/2007, -3/+42You know, while I normally appreciate flames, this is stupid. He was a winning coach at Oakland. He knows at least a little bit about football.
    • Karyyk, on 10/12/2007, -25/+5He has a ring...one. If the game was getting named after someone who knows about football based on Super Bowl rings, I'd recommend it be renamed to Chuck Noll Football '07.
    • izzie2, on 10/12/2007, -3/+39When it comes to explaining the game in laymans terms there is no one better than John Madden.
      I will admit however that after I heard him talking about how you know if a lineman is any good judged by the sweat in his buttcrack,I started thinking that old school sometimes is not good school.
      Maybe if Albright would sweat more from his buttcrack he would get a higher ranking.
      Just a thought.
    • dclowd9901, on 10/12/2007, -6/+9I wouldn't question his knowledge about the game of football. I would question his intelligence, period. The guy talks like a *****-eating begger on the corner, with generally as much coherence and sense. He really should not be in the announcer's box, but I won't defy his knowledge as a coach.
    • ImOscar, on 10/12/2007, -5/+25"When it comes to explaining the game in laymans terms there is no one better than John Madden."

      Are you kidding? I'm accustomed to gems like this- “Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”
      Now, I can't vouch for the legitimacy of that quote actually being his, but it's in line with a lot of what he says on a weekly basis. John Madden is good at explaing the obvious to an idiot.
    • FlaG8r, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17Madden purposely dumbs himself down for the casual fan. He still gives the hardcore fans some red meat every week.

      Also, while he only won one SB, his record at Oakland was tremendous. It all starts with the 8-man sled.
    • crawfishsoul, on 10/12/2007, -1/+18Actual John Madden quotes:

      “Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon.”
      “Coaches have to watch for what they don't want to see and listen to what they don't want to hear.”
      “When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to.”
      “The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.”

      And one for the self-promoting spammers out there:
      “Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble.”
      • Redskins26, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Madden coached an Super Bowl team. So Does he know a little bit about Football.
        YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • FreakTrap, on 10/12/2007, -81/+6@G_Raph

    You saying that is allmost as bad as a partisan democrat saying George Bush doesn't know anything about Iraq.
    • jpcoombs, on 10/12/2007, -4/+67@FreakTrap

      Somehow you brought politics into a letter to John Madden regarding character rankings in a video game.

      You suck.
  • jpcoombs, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4053? Man, I was rated at 57, and I don't even play in the NFL. He must really suck.
    • Redskins26, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0if he sucked then how would he wouldnt have been in the NFL
  • snubber, on 10/12/2007, -18/+13http://duggmirror.com/
  • obsaysditto, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3haha im sure players that play the game actually wonder what their rank is..... people are always curious about how they compare to others.

    whether this is real or not, its still funny
  • bmatherlyjr, on 10/12/2007, -5/+5Realizing that the "email" is completely satire, I just wanted to chime in a certain fact that is being over looked by the digg community. The entire ranking system of players on the EA line of Madden games are based solely on the stats that the individual player had the previous year.

    Based on all the available statistics that is obtained by the EA team, they use a system (simular to what is used in fantasy football) to get an average score. Madden has nothing to do with how a character in the video is ranked. I am sure if it were up to him "Big Ben" would be a 99.

    And btw - for those who question Madden's knowledge need I remind you he did take Oakland to the Super Bowl.
    • MrMysterious, on 10/12/2007, -3/+15So how the hell do they get a pass accuracy score for a defensive lineman? Do they pull his tapes from PeeWee football when he was skinny and was the 3rd string QB?
    • TheTankengine, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1"based solely on the stats that the individual player had the previous year"
      Hmmm, so I guess that finally explains why all rookies have always been rated 0...

      And he didn't just "take" Oakland to the Super Bowl, he has a ring.
    • MikeEnIke, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3'Hmmm, so I guess that finally explains why all rookies have always been rated 0..."
      Right, because rookies have never played a game of football in their life before the NFL.
  • DollaBill, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1OAKLAND!
    back in the days of Kenny Stabler Madden was the underdog coach...
    I think that the process they use isn't really personal oppinion but plain production of the player....
    If everyone wrote in like this everyone in the frickin game would be 100 except T.O. would somehow manage to be like 160 or something...

    Go figure
  • ekleinunt, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1Genius!
  • dataloss, on 10/12/2007, -2/+10That is the funniest thing I've read all week. Man, I don't know ***** about football, don't really know who either is (well, I know Madden only 'cause its a computer game, and well...I'm a nerd) but damn! My favorite paragraph:

    "John, you are such a ***** dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a ***** zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my ***** face. ***** that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns. "

    LMAO.

    I'm pretty sure I'd be able to get a 5, at least. But then again, I _do_ paintball, so I wouldn't mind the latter either!

    Funny, even as a satire.

    -dl
  • SteaminTmann, on 10/12/2007, -4/+5funniest part is this comment underneath one of the bottom pictures:
    When I'm not snapping balls, I snap necks.
  • Jwoey, on 10/12/2007, -10/+5This is completely inaccurate. Read the real article:
    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hruby/060906

    From the article:
    "Ethan Albright is good at his job. Very good. In fact, the Washington Redskins' long snapper is probably better at what he does -- blindly hurling a ball between his legs, under extreme duress, with zero margin for error -- than most of us will ever be at anything."

    "Albright as a backup offensive lineman, a position he hasn't played since his second NFL season, when he was 10 years younger and 45 pounds heavier."

    "Albright is on the bottom. Not that he minds. Much. For the worst player in digital football, real life is pretty sweet. While his teammates sweat and collide during training camp drills, Albright hangs out with the kickers and punters, practicing snaps. His hands are too valuable to risk in a scrimmage."



  • noseeme, on 10/12/2007, -2/+11The poster of this story should have indicated that it was satire.
    • oOLiquidNightOo, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10i was/am the poster and i agree. when i posted the article i honestly thought this was a legitimate email.

      after submitting the article, i surfed the site more and started to have my doubts. the very first comment is from me trying to clarify/resolve the issue. i apologize for the misrepresentation, it wasn't my intent.
    • lakawak, on 10/12/2007, -5/+0Sadly, I don't think the submitter KNEW it was a joke.

      The gorillamask-ification of Digg continues. Literally, as this was on that site yesterday. Probablu where this moron got it from.
    • dBLiSS, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Come on, it is obviously satire. Even if it were written by the guy, it is funny as ***** and should have atleast been labled "funny as *****"
  • mecole21, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1He's a long snapper. They don't list it as a position in Madden so he gets lumped in as a lineman. If they rated long snapping he would have like a 99 while Mike Vick would have a 12. They interviewed him on MTV for a special about Madden 07.
  • po43292, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3"***** me sideways with a lunchbox" -- funniest line ever?
    • djKianoosh, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0yeah, i didn't know whether to be appalled or cry laughing
  • withears, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8I wish this were real. I'd be a HUGE fan of this guy.

    As for Mike Vick, he should have a 12 as a QB. That guy sucks as a QB. Make him a WR or something.
    • nreynolds, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1just like how Regie bush sucks at RB but he's great at WR. Why is he even listed as an RB, where's his 100yrd game? Oh wait, he has 170 yrds rushing FOR THE SEASON.
      • Redskins26, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Shut up! Reggie is awesome. The only reason thta they put him a WR is because he splits with Duece. They r both great its just that since Reggie played With Matt Leinert He has more experiance catching and shows that he can do great at it. So SHut Up
  • vypergts, on 10/12/2007, -4/+13All you ***** are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna ***** your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax ***** who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our *****, then ***** out our *****, then eat their ***** which is made up of our ***** that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you ***** are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.
  • Lumbeekid06, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@Karyyk

    how many superbowl rings do you have?
  • Herffinator, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2my goodness...this is probably the funniest i've read in a long time.
  • Konklone, on 10/12/2007, -5/+3Titles of satires need some kind of indication that the target material is a satire. Digg has a hard time shaking the sensationalist, not-real-news reputation enough as it is.

    Marked as inaccurate.
  • bkedelen, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0This is hysterical. Not for people interested in a serious football discussion, just a really funny dude bagging on John "90% of the game is half mental" Madden.
  • foxmajik, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I don't even like sports that much but I thought this was really, really funny. I just have to watch out for all the Digg articles popping up that are false due to satyre.
  • SlackerCSB, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Funniest Thing I Read This Week...

    "It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly ***** and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. *****, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded."
  • Nivla, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2LOL, I play high school football with Ethan.
  • korehyun, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Hahaahhahahaahaa!!!!!! That was hilarious. That literally had everyone in my office staring at me like WTF is wrong with this guy. I don't think anyone in my office has ever seen me laugh liek this.definite DIGGS to whoever wrote that.
  • alightut, on 10/12/2007, -3/+0thats not the players rateing, thats his IQ.
  • GuiBou, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!

  • blackbrutha, on 10/12/2007, -4/+0Whether the ***** is real or not it was entertaining to read it. ***** didnt give a *****.
  • xcwarrior, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1That might be one of the greatest things I have ever read. Period.
  • robbiedo, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2I bet Brett Favre got a high player rating! Suck it up, its a game.
  • ashingular, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1▀█▀ ░ █▀█ █▀█ █▀█ █▀█ ███ █░█ █▀▀ ░ ███ █▀▀
    ░█░ ░ █▀█ █▀▀ █▀▀ ██▀ █░█ █▄█ █▀▀ ░ █░█ █▀░
    ▀▀▀ ░ ▀░▀ ▀░░ ▀░░ ▀░▀ ▀▀▀ ░▀░ ▀▀▀ ░ ▀▀▀ ▀░░

    ▀█▀ █░█ ▀█▀ █▀▀ ░ █████ █▀▀ █▀▀ █▀▀ █▀█ █▀▀ █▀▀
    ░█░ █▀█ ░█░ ▀▀█ ░ █░█░█ █▀▀ ▀▀█ ▀▀█ █▀█ █░█ █▀▀
    ░▀░ ▀░▀ ▀▀▀ ▀▀▀ ░ ▀░▀░▀ ▀▀▀ ▀▀▀ ▀▀▀ ▀░▀ ▀▀▀ ▀▀▀

    (I give him a 100 in MY book. My *black* book. Rawr)
  • MourningZoo, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1Probably fake but still hilarious that someone wrote this and that this guy actually sucks that bad in the game.
  • h0whi, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1***** JOHN MADDEN! LOL
  • MoeWasHere, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3TECMO SUPER BOWL FTW!!
  • jlrolin, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Very hilarious! I have always looked at some of the Madden ratings as well as other games I play like NHL series and wondered how they came up with the ratings in some categories. This just confirms thoughts I've had of a player having 10 or 20 awareness when someone else has 80. It's as if a car was actually hitting you while you crossed the street, 10 awareness, you'd probably not even know you were being hit.

    Hilarious fake email, great laughs.
  • Beernutz14, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1FUNNY!!!! i dont care if he wrote that, i have to say that was painfully hilarious to read. I was sitting in my dead silenced office cracking up, I couldnt stop thank you!
  • velvet396, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1almost uncontrollably snickering in my cube at work. ***** hilarious!
  • jeebus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2It's all about the Tecmo Bowl anyways.
  • Redskins26, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0He is right he is better than that. If he can let Clinton and betts both get good yards then hes a 100 in my book i mean i love the Redskins look at my name.
  • razicop, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1very interesting game, thanks for share this...
    also check this site for online game:
    http://www.joinarcade.com
  •  

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