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101 Things You Do NOT Want Your System Administrator To Say

packetstormsecurity.nl — A little bit of old-school packetstorm humor ;)

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  • Trace, on 10/12/2007, -3/+71I am only seeing 97 things
    • schestowitz, on 10/12/2007, -63/+13So let's add three:

      98. "Let's have a look at this hidden directory of yours"
      99. "I had sex with you wife"
      100. "Have I told you recently that I love you?"
    • JC4P, on 10/12/2007, -7/+57you mean lets add four.
    • BlackSheepx, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6344. "You did what to the floppy???"

      I got my home PC's DVD drive from a friend at work who's client brought it in complaining it didn't work...when it opened it up there were 2 floppies and a CD in it.
    • thealliedhacker, on 10/12/2007, -31/+1You counted? o.0
    • thealliedhacker, on 10/12/2007, -28/+3'doh, I didn't RTFA first... they're numbered o.o
    • WorldGroove, on 10/12/2007, -0/+19I only see 96, since 45 & 48 are the same...

      Number 11... I can sooooo relate to. Bad news is always a few hours away after that happens.
    • ByteGuerilla, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10What do you mean 45 and 48 are the same? For the most part the list is an exercise in how many times the author can write "I've not seen it do that before" a different way.
    • 0o0Moylan0o0, on 10/12/2007, -10/+3what a waste of life
    • wvdavis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6The top three are also something that you would not want to hear from a doctor or a pilot. If you do... it's going south quick.
    • tds5016, on 10/12/2007, -2/+0there's a repeat on one... so it's technically 96. or does it count if they say it more than once, or in addition to any of the others?
    • buddyfarr, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0ha!!! "not on MY network". had two people say the exact same thing at the hospital I worked for. one doesn't work there anymore and the other got demoted....nice.
  • flamingmb, on 10/12/2007, -2/+44"whats all this porn?"
  • congiman, on 10/12/2007, -34/+2I'll add my 3:
    98: you don't still have a prtvtoc of the root disk lying around do you?
    99: running "init 5" when you are remote (in sparc lingo its power off).
    100: rm /var/spool/mqueue /*

    --C
    • decades, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12Shame, you just tried to sound clever. But you know, what are the odds your system administrator will say that to you?
  • Whoblah, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2817. "Where's the GUI on this thing?"

    Heh, this one made me laugh :D.
    • heinzanova, on 10/12/2007, -12/+7@Whoblah
      "17. "Where's the GUI on this thing?" "
      Yup....

      The director over me, who is you know, suppost to be like uber... says this ***** to me all the time, he can not use a damn bash, ctsk, etc... to save his life.
    • wastern, on 10/12/2007, -2/+14>>>The director over me, who is you know, suppost to be like uber... says this ***** to me all the time, he can not use a damn bash, ctsk, etc... to save his life.


      Don't complain about it, thats why you have a job
    • 18Googol2, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2At least he knows what the GUI is. Lolzzzz
  • JHawk24821, on 10/12/2007, -15/+4#102. Man, I saw this list on digg... and I have said everything on it at least three times.
  • donsherio, on 10/12/2007, -8/+5can i mark this as inacurate??? :P
    Also one of the lines is a duplicate of another one.. too lazy to go back and find out.. but taht means this thing is missing atleast 5.
    • Pulse_Instance, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4No one would stop you from marking it as inaccurate, however I would use the inaccurate bury option for a story/article that is inaccurate instead of a title that is inaccurate only by a little bit.
  • heinzanova, on 10/12/2007, -9/+1dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix

    HAHAHA

    nothing like having to massage something into memory and shoving it into (of) /dev/null and accidently remembering after being up 48 hours strait you just switched the if and of, so you just over wrote your 8GB search index with a black hole

    *sigh* not as bad as doing it to the /vm$u but almost
  • Enisin, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21Ahhhh, #83... "don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ *****"
    I've lost count at the amount of times I've had to say that.
    • Innagadadavida, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17Every time my system crashes. I die a little on the inside.
  • proficient, on 10/12/2007, -9/+0I only saw 97 also.
  • trylleklovn, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2022. "What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?"
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=WDNY2ByGNYA
  • Perfection, on 10/12/2007, -6/+9I really didn't think it was funny at all. No digg :(
  • moaimullet, on 10/12/2007, -1/+16A couple are funny but most are just simple variations.. like 1-3, 5, 6, 8, 16, etc..

    And: 77. The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???

    What self-respecting sysadmin would allow Norton in his realm? I've seen that pos bent over so many times..
    • Macuyiko, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16A long, long time ago, before they got bloated, Norton actually had a nice collection of tools... the Norton Doctor floppies have saved the day for me multiple times :)
    • evilspoons, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9Yes, back in the day when Norton Utilities came on 5.25" floppies, it was quite the handy set of tools... and, while not part of utilities, Norton Commander kicked serious ass!
  • OpenFuture, on 10/12/2007, -8/+3And the number one thing you never want to hear your admin say is........... "FLAAAAAVOR FLAAAAAV, YEAAAA BOY." If you ever hear this phrase uttered by your administrator consider all hope lost.
  • Zuhaib, on 10/12/2007, -1/+512. I got a better job at Lockheed...



    = Hummm.... I dont know what to say as someone who spent some time at Lockheed Martin
  • v3xt0r, on 10/12/2007, -1/+13what about when he says: "I just got back from a Microsoft Virtualization Conference, and I think we should rebuild the production linux servers on top of MS Virtual Server"...

    It was his 10th day, mind you...

    *axxe*
  • JonForTheWin, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Number 17 reminded me of all the windows guys I have to deal with at work making me cringe.
  • arachnist, on 10/12/2007, -1/+286. find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
    That should be:
    find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {} ;
    Well, at least if you use zsh, bash or just about any modern shell.


    (and not nethack. slashem! )
    ;)
    • zcat, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2You mean "find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {} \;" ?

    • RogueJediX, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2What does that do, anyway?
    • idonthack, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5removes any file with "nethack" in its name from the "/usr2" directory.
  • elijahalcantara, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8"Oh I forgot to plug it in... "
  • vitaminbmeister, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3Where is the Ctrl key, I can't give this mac the three finger salute.
  • Xyber411, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12"nobody was using it, so I deleted the root user"... happened. for real.
    • webNV, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2But you need to use a root account to delete a root account.
    • pbarnes7, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3That reminds me of the new night backup operator who was supposed to back up our VMS system. Her boss had told her "At night, your backups get top priority. So if you see a job running taking up all the CPU that's slowing down your backups, you can stop their process." So what does she do? She sees the NULL process taking up 98% of the CPU, so she stops it! The system ran for another microsecond and then shut down! LOL

      So, #99 would be: That NULL process is slowing me down. Let's kill it!

      Most of this list is pretty repetitive though!
  • zinob, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Well having been in to support and sysadmin for a while i have done: 1-3,20,23-25,32,42,51,53,61,65,67,71,76, 83,92
    and a few, "you said you wanted the disk formatted, what do you mean with 'not yet!!'?"
    Since I'm pretty good at what I'm doing and being eccentric some times help your image in this business 51 is my absolute favorite.
    Nah, the quake server is slowing down again, time to go and do some cleaning of the economy systems, payday was yesterday, they have no need for it for a while...
  • coresnake, on 10/12/2007, -7/+2"tape" ???
    is that what you call cds in america? 0_0
    • dacheetah, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5I take it you don't realise a modern backup tape will hold hundreds of GB reliably, an is easy to take off-site securely.
      A CD on the other hand, 700MB, a DVD 4.7GB (More like 4.4GB of actual files) and almost 9GB for a dual-layer, still not even close to what a back-up tape will hold.
  • Darrelc, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Any Chance someone could post the list?

    Crappy college filtering

    "You are blocked because the URL: packetstormsecurity.nl belongs to Hacking Category. "
    • apescissors, on 10/12/2007, -6/+11 1. Uh-oh.....
      2. *****!!
      3. What the hell!?
      4. Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?)
      5. That's SOOOOO bizarre.
      6. Wow!! Look at this.....
      7. Hey!! The suns don't do this.
      8. Terminated??!
      9. What software license?
      10. Well, it's doing something.....
      11. Wow....that seemed fast.....
      12. I got a better job at Lockheed...
      13. Management says...
      14. Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgetted.
      15. What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
      16. It didn't do that a minute ago...
      17. Where's the GUI on this thing?
      18. Damn, and I just bought that pop...
      19. Where's the DIR command?
      20. The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
      21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space.
      22. What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
      23. Do you smell something?
      24. What's that grinding sound?
      25. I have never seen it do *that* before...
      26. I think it should not be doing that...
      27. I remember the last time I saw it do that...
      28. You might as well all go home early today ...
      29. My leave starts tomorrow.
      30. Ooops.
      31. Hmm, maybe if I do this...
      32. "Why is my "rm *.o" taking so long?"
      33. Hmmm, curious...
      34. Well, my files were backed up.
      35. What do you mean you needed that directory?
      36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
      37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
      38. Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight.
      39. I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
      40. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
      41. We're standardizing on AIX.
      42. Wonder what this command does?
      43. What did you say your (l)user name was...? ;-)
      44. You did what to the floppy???
      45. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
      46. NO! Not that button!
      47. Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
      48. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
      49. [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of DOS is this running?"
      50. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
      51. YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
      52. What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
      53. What's this switch for anyways...?
      54. Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does
      55. Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?
      56. If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
      57. Was that your directory?
      58. System coming down in 0 min....
      59. The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
      60. Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
      61. OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
      62. The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?
      63. It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (This is said on a monday afternoon.)
      64. I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip with out triping the breaker.
      65. What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
      66. I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now.
      67. Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?
      68. The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after diner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline...)
      69. Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
      70. Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
      71. I hate it when that happens.
      72. And what does it mean 'rm: .o: No such file or directory'?
      73. Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?
      74. Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
      75. You can do this patch with the system up...
      76. What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
      77. The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???
      78. Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
      79. What do mean by "fired"?
      80. hey, what does mkfs do?
      81. where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
      82. ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like this...
      83. don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ *****
      84. what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
      85. dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
      86. find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
      87. now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either
      88. Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
      89. Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
      90. SMIT makes it all so much easier......
      91. Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
      92. I don't care what he says, I'm not having it on my network
      93. We don't support that. We won't support that.
      94. ...and after I patched the microcode...
      95. You've got TECO. What more do you want?
      96. We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one
      97. Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...
    • resplence, on 10/12/2007, -8/+3Oops, apescissors beat me to it 3 minutes ago. Bury me.
    • foobar5892, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3http://duggmirror.com/linux_unix/101_Things_You_Do_NOT_Want_Your_System_Administrator_To_Say_2/
  • RogueJediX, on 10/12/2007, -0/+419. Where's the DIR command?

    Ouch. Funny and frightening at the same time.
    • billybob476, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I can't recall if I was using Solaris or some flavour of linux but DIR worked, it just did the same thing as ls.
  • mapkinase, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4Very lame. Boring. Humorless. Uninteresting.
    • pureliquidhw, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3unless you have actually heard your boss say 50% of them.
  • Xilon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3"11. Wow....that seemed fast....."
    Hmm, for me it was a different... more like "Wth? Why is it so slow?..." *me looks at directory* ...empty! *****!
  • mercurysquad, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1waste of time.
  • ZheAldo, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2After reading half of them without laughing, I chose to mark it as lame.
  • ScuttleEnough, on 10/12/2007, -6/+2this is retarded
  • foobar5892, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2This list is incredibly lame. There needs to be a list of lame lists.
    • YourTechSupport, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Thing is, if we did, the sheer length of the list would be too large for most operating systems to support at this time. You'd either run out of memory partway or crash the browser.
      I guess we could just paginate it, whatever.
  • Hosalabad, on 10/12/2007, -2/+0#30 Oops, is clearly too low on the list.
  • spacebar14, on 10/12/2007, -2/+161, 92, 93

    Haha, I think everyone can relate to those ones.
  • lunarworks, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2These ones are common when trying to fix the machine of an un-net-savvy user:

    Uh-oh.....
    What the hell!?
    That's SOOOOO bizarre.
    Well, it's doing something.....
    It didn't do that a minute ago...
  • KayIslandDrunk, on 10/12/2007, -0/+111. # Wow....that seemed fast.....

    Best one ever
  • jboi, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"Where is your system administrator?"

    I used that one when i needed to give support on a UNIX machine, and didn't know the commands to edit and find a text file. Turned out he was on holliday in France so they called him up ^_^.
  • crazyworld, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0umm i not only see 97, but 45 and 48 are exactly the same. 96 isnt quite 101 but ok.

    methinks someone doesnt know how to count
  • theholycow, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0> 61. OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).

    That was me just after typing:
    C:> format c: /u
    when I meant to format another drive. The customer was very understanding, and I made a Herculean (and largely successful) effort to recover his data.

    I was quite depressed about the whole thing, even though he was so understanding. I haven't heard from him since...
  • mxwlpxwl, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0what's wrong with Lockheed???
  •  

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