digg

Join DiggAbout

The Digg Crew wants to hear your thoughts!
Please take our short survey about Digg and potential feature ideas.

See the original image at cracked.com —

6 Baffling Mistakes Every Movie Criminal Makes

cracked.com — Let's not invite the cops to our next heist, cool?

show profanity settings
expand all
  • MacBookForMe, on 09/26/2008, -0/+45I loved this: Discussing Your Crime in a Diner (some nice juicy Italian pasta, red wine Chianti Classico, and having my back covered by rooms corner:)
  • ScottMcIntyre, on 09/26/2008, -1/+28They're a dumb lot these movie criminals. You'd think the ones in Heat, Reservoir Dogs, Goodfellas, Casino, and the Panic Room would recognize a sociopath when one was near! Never a good move to let one join your crew ;-)
    • MacBookForMe, on 09/26/2008, -0/+36the ability of a sociopath is to look the most innocent of all...
    • NeoCortex, on 09/26/2008, -0/+6Hey, if he hadn't done what I told him not to do, I wouldn't have had to kill him.
    • centran, on 09/26/2008, -0/+8The thing about Casino is he was hired basically becuase he was a sociopath. He was supposed supposed to "control" the employees doing the skimming for the mob.
      However, there is only so much "sociopathing" one can take before you get buried in a corn field. I mean... how many times do you have to tell the man not to kill people, stop robbing jewelry stores, don't sleep with your bosses wife. You can only warn a guy so many times.
  • divinediva, on 09/26/2008, -1/+26Great list. I love how you took on my sacred, holy "The Departed" a lot too, which I do have to defend a little. Costello knew Costigan from around the neighborhood
    • nascentia, on 09/26/2008, -0/+19They also neglected the fact that in The Departed, DiCaprio actually DOES commit real crimes, and is almost the sociopath. Knocking people's teeth out, smashing glasses on their faces, etc.
    • SpiraetSpera, on 09/26/2008, -2/+10He also did some time in jail to make himself appear to be a real criminal. The jail time is mentioned but not shown in the film.
      • david4041, on 09/26/2008, -0/+8No. They actually showed DiCaprio in jail. They showed him exercising in his cell and in line talking to another guy (talking about his cousin).
    • boudey, on 09/26/2008, -0/+3You find The Departed "holy," next to Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs?
  • SpookyPig, on 09/26/2008, -1/+39North Dakota really is a good place to conduct criminal meetings. Not a damn ***** thing goes on here.
  • x00x, on 09/26/2008, -4/+2Yeah? Well if you prefer realism as an escapist avocation go read some history.
  • dontlookleft, on 09/26/2008, -4/+2Great list. There are some good movies on there. = ]
  • paulieslim, on 09/26/2008, -2/+9Shoot the glass.
    • mojoel, on 09/26/2008, -0/+4Clay. BILL Clay.
      • paulieslim, on 09/26/2008, -0/+3(click,click) No bullets. What do you think... I'm ***** stupid, Hans?
  • Syphon8, on 09/26/2008, -3/+26.....and this is why Inside Man is the best crime movie ever made.
    • ElectroStep, on 09/26/2008, -0/+5That movie actually has become one of my favorites recently... Any other good Spike Lee films?
  • Barryke, on 09/26/2008, -1/+207) Dying.
  • mV0G7, on 09/26/2008, -0/+7Dugg for North Dakota
  • Homerr, on 09/26/2008, -1/+18"If it weren't for these meddling kids I would have gotten away with it!"
  • centran, on 09/26/2008, -0/+13#5. Working With a Sociopath

    They said Goodfellas was based on a true story; so was Casino! Double Whammy!... and I quote the last line in that section. "Holy *****. Once again, it turns out real life is more retarded than fiction."
  • InfernoX, on 09/26/2008, -8/+3The Deperated was a great movie, the ending was lame as ***** though.
    • Maxwell1234, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2The ending was the best part! Max Payne to the rescue.
    • saltydawkins, on 09/26/2008, -0/+8The ending MADE that movie!
    • DarkShroud, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2Can you not understand a simple revenge kill? Wahlburg was getting revenge for his friends Leo & Martin.
      • InfernoX, on 09/26/2008, -0/+3I meant like the last 20 minutes of the movie.

        Costigan dying was the most anti-climatic thing ever.
    • pikpikcarrotmon, on 09/26/2008, -0/+4I think he's talking about that awful CGI rat. The deus ex Marky Mark-a wasn't the problem with Departed.
  • Hetman, on 09/26/2008, -1/+6lol number one sounds just like troothers conspiracy theories. Man you got to follow the money. Anyways I wonder if that duechbag film school drop out, got the idea for loose change after watching die hard?
  • TheFuturist, on 09/26/2008, -1/+17"I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning ill get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see and uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll... crack your *****' head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your *****' head open again. 'Cause I'm *****' stupid. I don't give a ***** about jail. That's my business. That's what I do."

  • mizike, on 09/26/2008, -0/+19"Working With Far More People Than Necessary....as seen in: Panic Room"

    WTF, in Panic Room there were three bad guys: The guy who planned the robbery, the guy who could open the safe, and the guy who was there to deal with any people that might show up unexpectedly. The first two are obviously necessary, so there's at most one unnecessary person. Seems like they put "working with more people than necessary" on there just for Oceans 11,12,13 but didn't want to admit it.
  • TheFuturist, on 09/26/2008, -8/+2"I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning ill get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see and uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll... crack your *****' head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your *****' head open again. 'Cause I'm *****' stupid. I don't give a ***** about jail. That's my business. That's what I do."
  • biz20, on 09/26/2008, -5/+0funny how dinners keep showing up.
  • dthomp22, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2Does picture Reservoir Dogs really need to be on every number?
  • souljaboytellem, on 09/26/2008, -1/+9"*****, there's an old lady. I knew we shoulda brought four guys." I laughed my ass off when i read that
  • Houdini91, on 09/26/2008, -0/+20#7 - Blogging when and where you are going to test your newly developed Freeze Ray when both the LAPD and Captain Hammer are among your viewers.
  • toconnor, on 09/26/2008, -0/+30What about "monologing"?
  • kotrin, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2the best example of the greatest criminal: Watchmen
    • cesclaveria, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2don't say anything more, I'm still at issue #10 and I love it.
  • AchaIemoipas, on 09/26/2008, -0/+15How about the "You finally got the guy who was running after you, all you have to do is shoot him and leave, but you kidnap him and talk to him until backup shows up and you die" mistake?
  • dagnabbit, on 09/26/2008, -0/+10Still, most of these are awesome ***** movies.
  • recruz, on 09/26/2008, -1/+1this was a boring list, and sub-par for cracked.com standards
  • Gunsdead, on 09/26/2008, -3/+2They are also oblivious to the fact that the kid is so visibly uncomfortable with committing crime that he looks as nervous as Fred Durst at a spelling bee ("our next word is 'biscuit'...").
  • BWraithly, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2Smart criminals read cracked, i guess.
    Also, Achalemoipas made a good point. Doing anything instead of just shootting the guy.
  • kolyana, on 09/26/2008, -0/+10The HEAT Critique was not deserved - the bank heist gone wrong, turns into a machine gun shoot out was pretty closely based on real world events, so it didn't belong in this little discussion.

    Plus it was a freaking kick ass scene.
    • twentysf, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2Actually, if you are referring to the North Hollywood Shootout (the one which most people reference when talking about the bank heist shootout in Heat) it actually occurred after the movie came out (the movie came out in 1995, while the shootout occurred in 1997).

      That shootout was pretty much the first nationwide example of bank robbers using high-calibre weaponry and body armor. There was a shootout in Miami in 1986 where gunmen used high-calibre weapons, but those were not assault-rifle type weapons.

      It should be noted, however, that the guys responsible for the North Hollywood shootout had been robbing banks and armored cars before using heavy weaponry.

      But back to your original point, that was indeed a kick ass scene (arguably one of the most visceral ever filmed).
  • jeteye, on 09/26/2008, -1/+4Honorable mention: In almost every movie of this type, the bad guy has the super-detective on the ground with a gun pointed directly at his face. Rather than pulling the trigger, getting the f**k out of there, and fleeing to Mexico for a lifetime of hookers and blow, they decide to give some 15 minute monologue about how great they are and how the detective never had a chance. This, of course, ends up being that chance, and the master criminal gets killed/arrested/thrown into some random pit of hot stuff.
  • seantubridy, on 09/26/2008, -0/+18What about tying up James Bond, explaining your extensive plot to take over the world to him, making him watch as you attempt to execute said plot, and taking your eyes off of him just long enough for him to escape and stop you in the nick of time? And maybe then getting killed by him in a grotesque but humorous and ironic fashion.
  • riptor666, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2This is why the Sopranos was an amazing show, the main boss wasn't a moron and didn't talk about his plans in public places.
  • Rudegar, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2movies and games corrupt our criminals somebody sue!
  • Falldog, on 09/26/2008, -0/+8I must say, Ocean's 11 is a great example of why you shouldn't bring too many people to a heist. Especially since everyone had a specific role and they got away with all the money at the end... wait a second...

    I'm not sure the people at Cracked saw half of these movies.
  • Moonkeeper, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2What about giving a massive speech before attempting to shoot the good guy?

    Or for that matter, what about taking one's time to pull the trigger by slowly moving it to the other guy's head, giving them just enough time to escape?
  • boffy, on 09/26/2008, -0/+2How to be a successful evil overlord. Much the same theme:
    http://www.proft.org/tips/evil.html
  • diskit, on 09/26/2008, -0/+36 Items on 2 pages?
    WTF?!?
  • jackvalor, on 09/26/2008, -1/+1Think about it(Pulp Fiction style). If you're a guy that kills people for a living under some kingpin boss, are you really going to be worried about someone overhearing you in a diner? What is the fat guy eating mac&cheese going to do, run to the nearest rotary dial telephone and yell for backup before making a citizen's arrest? "Officer, I heard him say bad stuff!"
    • luigi1015, on 09/26/2008, -0/+1Think about it yourself lol. Hypothetically, if some fat guy sees a couple talking about robbing banks in ski masks and the next day he hears about a couple robbing a bank in ski masks, he'd likely report it to the police and provide a description. If the couple payed with a credit card that's even worse since the cops could trace that from the diner records.
      If you commit a crime you don't want police being given your description, your credit card number, or any other lead for that matter.
  • jackvalor, on 09/26/2008, -2/+0Think about it(Pulp Fiction style). If you're a guy that kills people for a living under some kingpin boss, are you really going to be worried about someone overhearing you in a diner? What is the fat guy eating mac&cheese going to do, run to the nearest rotary dial telephone and yell for backup before making a citizen's arrest? "Officer, I heard him say bad stuff!"
  • alarmist, on 09/26/2008, -0/+1dugg for Goodfellas
  • isshiah, on 09/27/2008, -0/+1dugg for:

    "The Oceans 11 series......By the fifth or sixth movie they'll have enough guys to rob an armored car by just gathering around it and carrying it way."
  • root06, on 09/27/2008, -0/+1Was the ad at the end for a free IQ test intentional?
  • grenno, on 09/27/2008, -0/+0Gotta love Pesci - we need more of that madness
  • bakatrinh, on 09/27/2008, -0/+1I don't see how Pulp Fiction could be the worst offender of discussing robbery in public. I mean the characters did talk about robbing the restaurant in that same restaurant. But that didn't cause them to fail the robbery. It's not like they were discussing it next to a police officer. They just happen to rob a restaurant at the wrong time when two hitmens were there. The robbery didn't even fail. Samuel L. Jackson let them go with the money.
  •  

    Login or register to add a comment

    Create a new account or login to join in the conversation on Digg. You'll also be able to Digg stories to help promote things you like.


© Digg Inc. 2008 — Content posted by Digg users is dedicated to the public domain.
DIGG, DIGG IT, DUGG, DIGG THIS, Digg graphics, logos, designs, page headers, button icons, scripts, and other service names are the trademarks of Digg Inc.