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DIY: How to build your own Heist team

doubleviking.com — Ever wanted to rob a bank? Sure you have. Ever wanted to burgle the world ’s richest man? Most definitely. What I’m getting at is this: of course you’d love to live a life of crime, but you just can’t do those jobs alone. You need a full heist team to help you out. The cliched heist members are all here...all you need now is a van.

Bury
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  • deanbrooks, on 10/11/2007, -0/+11This article made my day. My financial problems are solved.
    • HexeL, on 10/11/2007, -16/+0This will be dugg down, but can anyone tell me why the last anti-Global Warming article got buried and then removed?
    • ubuwalker31, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1This article sucked. If I wanted to do a heist, I'd do it myself. That way no one would rat me out or go totally ***** incompetent on me, which is what always happens in real life.
    • hfactor, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5Wait, wait... do my sleepy eyes fool me or did "willin" reply to a reply? Visibly?
  • Insomniac33, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4Does Don Cheadle's "Ocean's Eleven" character kill two birds with one stone, or would I need to get a second guy to fill the role of "African-American" or "Limey"?
  • Waskonator, on 10/11/2007, -0/+12Gathering up all these people from all over the world seems like a lot of work, and money. I'd rather rob a liquor store and go to bed. I've got work in the morning.
  • NachoBusiness, on 10/11/2007, -1/+12Missing is "The Fence" - Usually obese and eccentric with ambiguous ties to organized crime, and seemingly the best friend of the leader of the heist team, often secretly plotting to betray him. but sometimes just a fun loving guy who enjoys the excitement of risking 10 to 20 in prison by masterminding an armed robbery in lieu of normal rich-guy activities like say, golf.

    And also "the car guy". Every heist team needs some guy who will drive European cars really, really fast and through watermelon stands and/or panes of glass that are inexplicably being carried across streets during chase scenes.

    The most important cliche of heist movies is that it has to be the main character's last heist. There are no recorded instances of criminals attempting a heist that wasn't supposed to be their one.
  • roadtripper, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7dugg for use of the word "burgle".

  • TBM1748, on 10/11/2007, -1/+18Off the top of my head, I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald, ever.
  • Davies, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4I was hoping it would have more original members than "The Techie"
    Great idea, but where's the creativity?
    • thelastcivilian, on 10/11/2007, -1/+2From the article... "I’ve taken the liberty of assembling a team of clichés with whom you'll carry out your mission." It's not about originality. If it were, he probably could've include a few more of the female persuasion for distraction/decoys. A loud obnoxious mother-type... and a grandmother - nobody suspects grandmothers, and they're great at talking for hours about nothing...
    • sgen, on 10/11/2007, -0/+0The identity of the fall guy, once you get it, is creative and funny IMO.
    • bareborn, on 10/11/2007, -0/+0The creativity is in his 3rd grade english class.
  • fuzed, on 10/11/2007, -1/+11Digging up for the title alone - it sure caught my interest!

    Where's the VAN? The van's supposed to be here!!!

    Awesome.
  • livejamie, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5what if after the heist you jump in the van and the monkey is driving the van?

    WE GOTTA GO! WE GOTTA GO!
    • ajchavar, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5i'm trying to get in, they re-routed me into friendster. . .
  • independent, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2lol @ burgle
  • spudnic, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1"The Limey: He also always wins arguments thanks to the accent. People either don’t understand what he’s saying or they just assume he’s an authority."
    That's one of the reasons I like visiting America. The other reason being girls love the accent.
  • GlenLeafJr, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1What's with all these lame doubleviking.com stories getting to the front page?

    Do these guys buy their way to the top?
  • Woknblues, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1you will need a driver, and a weapons specialist and a tour guide and.........wait, just watch Ronin about 10 times and you will know it by heart!
  • RustedGod, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1Well, at least they highlighted the stupidity of the term 'African-American'; what if the person in question is a Brit, eh? Nothing wrong with 'black'.
  • XtremeAce, on 10/11/2007, -0/+0Or you could just get a sexy black robot with british accent who can shut down surveillance systems and lob a mean hand grenade to do the job for you. You'd wouldn't have to split the money six ways, that's for sure.
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