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Northwest Airlines Worker Ejaculates on Passenger
consumerist.com — He just wanted the peanuts....
ryanmerket- 2321 diggs
- digg it
- ryanmerket, on 10/12/2007, -12/+359Please no "pics or it didn't happen" jokes.
- lupinus, on 10/12/2007, -38/+6With a glass of "skeet" and a bugger a man could take over the world!!!
- z00k, on 10/12/2007, -10/+240*Waits for a snakes on a plane reference*
- Easty, on 10/12/2007, -7/+96It's down there
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V - thatsmyaibo, on 10/12/2007, -64/+23*Waits for a snakes on a plane reference*
Why is this mother ***** snake on my mother ***** back?!?! - sockpuppets, on 10/12/2007, -13/+214What a jackoff.
- Gustomucho, on 10/12/2007, -37/+7Deleted
- sockpuppets, on 10/12/2007, -4/+138Skeets on a plane?
- diggsIt, on 10/12/2007, -5/+220A gentleman would have bought her a couple of drinks, first.
- 4degrees, on 10/12/2007, -31/+5i didnt see where gonzolez was a NWA worker, looks like he was simply another passenger... inaccurate headline.
- FakeFakerson, on 10/12/2007, -6/+101I was thinking the same thing. (About the guy working for NWA) It doesn't say that in the police report, but it does say it in the news article linked near the top. On a side note... this guy is like a masturbation super star. Anyone who can bust a nut before someone realizes you're spooning with them is O.K. in my book.
- pirashkee, on 10/12/2007, -9/+1FBI's success is significant!
- 4degrees, on 10/12/2007, -10/+2oh, i guess he was off duty... oh well
- cscalfani, on 10/12/2007, -4/+228I'm I the only one who found the fact that this is in the "Offbeat" section hilarious?
- skyfire1, on 10/12/2007, -23/+4Samuel Jack-off-son would be proud.
- BeardedTacoFish, on 10/12/2007, -2/+53How do you manage to "spoon" on those seats?! Crazy.
- koolaiddude, on 10/12/2007, -2/+38"Thats no snake honey"
- taskrok, on 10/12/2007, -3/+74Well lois, atleast one of us is in the mile high club..
- trollmode, on 10/12/2007, -2/+78I used to date a flight attendant and sadly, this kind of thing has happened before.
She busted a male passenger pleasuring himself near a sleeping female passenger's face.
*shudder*
- ScornForSega, on 10/12/2007, -2/+129"NWA Worker Ejaculates On Passenger"
Easy-E unavailable for comment. - SpriteMV, on 10/12/2007, -5/+6So does he still qualify for the mile high club?
- missflibbles, on 10/12/2007, -3/+7@ trollmode
As if I didn't have enough trouble sleeping on planes as it is.
Bleeeeech. - spatznick, on 10/12/2007, -8/+1wow, they still use typewriters this days!
- jamessavik, on 10/12/2007, -2/+16Wow- what service- a complimentry pearl necklace!
All I got on my last plane trip were some stale peanuts and a petrified sandwich. - wonderworm, on 10/12/2007, -14/+4Atleast post a hot pic of the woman who was ejaculated on so all the guys on the internet can jerk off to her too!!!! I mean come on. What weak journalism. :D
- rrasco, on 10/12/2007, -4/+15So she knew he was spooning with her and she just let him finish? sounded like she knew what was going on and didnt do anything until he had got up.....sounds kind of odd to me.
- zybch, on 10/12/2007, -14/+4I wish an airplane worker would ejaculate on me during a flight.
Anything tastes better than those dreadful in-flight meals they serve! - dorklord, on 10/12/2007, -7/+0Is that called a "Sleepy Gonzales"? Sorry, if this (or variations) has been used in the thread. Did not have time to read em all!
- asian1, on 10/12/2007, -9/+1For gawd's sakes, where are the air marshals these days? What if he'd been a terrorist?
"Allah says to take one last enjoyment, before seeking martyrdom" - Shuk, on 10/12/2007, -12/+3She ordered a drink, said she would pay MONEY for the SHOT, but didn't expect a...
- rwtf91, on 10/12/2007, -7/+2So is that Mile High Club Beta 0.5?
- trollmode, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1"Did you warm salted nuts or warm salted nut?"
- Dolomite, on 10/12/2007, -11/+4In Soviet Russia, Northwest Airlines Workers ejaculate on YOU!!
- 5m0k3, on 10/12/2007, -7/+4"Click to enlarge."
- Nerfdude, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9Straight Outta Cockpit!
- noamchomskeet, on 10/12/2007, -3/+7wait, why the eff didn't anyone else see him wanking it off. not to mention, if she was sleeping the entire damn time why would she wake up after he wanked it on her, makes no sense.
my theory, she knew she was being felt up, and wanted it cuz she's a dirty bitch, but then the guy changed lanes and wanked on her, and she was insulted and then made a huge fuss.
that's why you just get stewardesses to wank you off in the bathroom, they know what they are doing. - sophiaperennis, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5I want to know how he pulled that off.
- zonk3r, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2Now that's service with a smile.
However, I'm guessing it wasn't the passenger that was smiling...
- mgross, on 10/12/2007, -7/+23I dugg this just for the subheader hahaha.. way too funny!
- n00bst3r, on 10/12/2007, -5/+96Dude... jerking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma and her two roommates, thats like, legendary.
- Jubalicious, on 10/12/2007, -5/+33I can't stop cumming! It feels so good!
best movie ever - MysticSavage, on 10/12/2007, -14/+1Same here....I mean, who hasn't jerked off for peanuts?
Anyone?
- Nydas, on 10/12/2007, -8/+18So is this enough to get admission to the "Mile High Club"?
- SnuKs, on 10/12/2007, -1/+46He'd be a solo member =/
- cramd, on 10/12/2007, -5/+9No that is the 1/2 mile high club.
- brivapor, on 10/12/2007, -15/+4jazzum
- jstroot, on 10/12/2007, -2/+42Why didn't the woman yell out. I've been punched in the face for less!!!!
- number9ine, on 10/12/2007, -1/+144SkyRockets in flight...Afternoon delight!
- Sundownvf111, on 10/12/2007, -31/+6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
penis! - PlasmaSnk, on 10/12/2007, -0/+33So THATS what it meant!
- merreborn, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2"So THATS what it meant!"
On the DVD, there's a music video for the song. Either in the video, or in the commentary for the video, Will Farrell says "This is a SONG about making WHOOPIE in the DAYTIME".
Cracks me the ***** up.
(Yeah, we watched the movie and all the extras, with and without commentary. What can I say? My friends ***** love that movie.)
- Sundownvf111, on 10/12/2007, -31/+6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- hrhs556x, on 10/12/2007, -1/+100ummmmm, why didnt she say anything while the guy was jerking it on her back?
- Firehunter, on 10/12/2007, -1/+35I was trying to figure out the same thing. TA said she felt him raise her shirt, "spoon" with her, and such. Why didn't she stop him when he did those actions?
- mancat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+97Knowing that it was a perfect opportunity to sue, she just let it happen.
- missflibbles, on 10/12/2007, -0/+22She was sleeping, according to the affidavit.
I'm willing to bet she was at least half asleep, didn't register that he was touching her and moving her clothing, and when she woke up and found the jizz she was able to put two and two together. - audiodude34, on 10/12/2007, -6/+5Has anyone considered that maybe she was...ahem...stimulating him, and then felt disgust/regret afterwards and came up with the story?
- coheedcollapse, on 10/12/2007, -8/+50People have gotten semen on them for a lot less than a lifetime of free plane tickets. She should consider herself lucky.
- Scrappy1850, on 10/12/2007, -7/+10or just expensive. holland tunnel hand jobs are $5. and at least they put some effort into it!
- MysticSavage, on 10/12/2007, -2/+115 bucks for a Holland Tunnel handjob? Dude, you got ripped.
- robz0r, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Where is this Holland tunnel you speak of?
- aukxsona, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I think NY area...Tristate area...
- Easty, on 10/12/2007, -7/+88Once again, I can't think of any good puns.
"Come fly with me"?
"One-eyed trouser snakes on a plane"?- vanscott, on 10/12/2007, -5/+38dugg only for trying Easty.
- vanscott, on 10/12/2007, -5/+38dugg only for trying Easty.
- leftfoot, on 10/12/2007, -21/+9Passenger: "Excuse me, where's my in flight beverage?"
Worker : *SKEET SKEET SKEET*, "Umm, in your eye. =D" - BZKyle, on 10/12/2007, -4/+36WTF of the week, anyone...?
- m3mn0n, on 10/12/2007, -2/+50this has my vote for WTF of the month
- jasper976, on 10/12/2007, -4/+38that just how he shows he likes you, jeez.
- jake8689, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4i believe you meen jiz not jeez
- badbox, on 10/12/2007, -8/+32I don't get why what he did is considered wrong.
- ArchieAndrews, on 10/12/2007, -1/+55It was pre-emptive. He wasn't planning on calling her again.
- ALoserIsYou, on 10/12/2007, -26/+0Pics or it didn't happen.
- CgarHater, on 10/12/2007, -4/+29Cum on, you gotta be jokin' me!
- colklink, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Yeah, they've gotta be pullin' my chain...
- madholepunch, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3you think they're jerkin us around?
- antoniojvr, on 10/12/2007, -1/+67What is this world coming to when you cannot release a few knuckle children on a complete stranger on a flight.
- georgiepiebob, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2yeah, what's next? will we lose our right to bang goats on boats?
- SheriffJWPepper, on 10/12/2007, -20/+4He was probably aiming for a guy and missed.
- haxx4, on 10/12/2007, -11/+4Am I the only one who found that funny?
- NtHammer, on 10/12/2007, -1/+16yes
- catfish182, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28Dugg for being sticky
- kaiser44, on 10/12/2007, -15/+1***** should be shot.
- Scrappy1850, on 10/12/2007, -3/+0red hand
- Scrappy1850, on 10/12/2007, -4/+4all over his FACE! would that justice be "eye for an eye"?
- norris, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3how's that saying go? "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world sticky"
- Nougat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Link in the article to a description of events: http://wcco.com/topstories/local_story_064172908.html
- rdquelle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7From the article: "Northwest said that Gonzalez was an equipment service worker, a category that includes baggage handlers, but said he was not working at the time."
I beg to differ.
- rdquelle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7From the article: "Northwest said that Gonzalez was an equipment service worker, a category that includes baggage handlers, but said he was not working at the time."
- Amorn, on 10/12/2007, -5/+4flapping his wings, fapping his thing
- chuyzero, on 10/12/2007, -0/+75This just seems so odd. So she's sitting there and a weirdo comes up and sits next to her. She says/does nothing. Weirdo starts "spooning" her and she says/does nothing. (Did he move the arm rest?) Creep then goes all under her shirt... still she says/does nothing. Then he leaves and she notices the spoo and THEN she does something. Did it all happen too fast for her?
Definitely not trying to place any blame on the victim, it just seems like there's more to the story or something.- TherealObadiah, on 10/12/2007, -1/+15Exactly. Weird story, but come on, the woman just sat there while some strange dude was spooning her on the plane. He lifted up her shirt and we are asked to believe that she felt NO contact and no motion on her skin until she realized the mess? No way.
- sockpuppets, on 10/12/2007, -10/+4Sex is sometimes a predatory act. If she was conscious, not drugged or drunk then not reacting is like saying yes. I dated a girl that always said "no" when she meant "yes." She readily admits it now that we're not dating and just friends.
I'm not saying this guy is a class act, but... - panique, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10The one thing that stands out for me is there is no mention of a semen sample in the FBI Agent's affidavit. Seems like if not the victim, then one of the flight attendants would have thought to grab a plastic cup and collect the warm liquid off her back. Everybody knows about DNA these days.
- praisethelard, on 06/06/2008, -1/+14See...once you mess with a woman's clothes, you're in trouble.
- sockpuppets, on 10/12/2007, -1/+44"collect the warm liquid off her back"
The way you described that was really disturbing. - illegalcortex, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3@panique
That, and the fact that there's no mention of any stains on his pants. This whole thing is rather unbelievable. Read my other post for a couple of other reasons it's suspicious. - ldkronos, on 10/12/2007, -9/+6I'm betting he didn't actually do the dirty work next to her. I bet he did it in the bathroom and got it into an eyedropper or syringe. Then he could sit down, lean up against her, adjust her shirt, and squirt it all in just a second or two. To her, it probably wouldn't seem like much more then him getting situated. On a cramped plane, its completely normal to bump other passengers as you get comfortable, put your bag under the seat, reach for your seatbelt, etc.
- illegalcortex, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12@ldkronos
Did you read the affidavit? This wasn't the seat he had during boarding. This was late into the flight.
Keep in mind that she says she felt him lift up her shirt, feel her up and "spoon" her before doing the final deed.
As for the eyedropper/syringe thing - are you serious? You'd actually believe that before you believed SHE did it herself was such a device? - loper, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Both these people have to be pretty small for the guy to be able to get past her (she had an aisle seat) and get into the middle seat without her either twisting sideways or standing up to let him past.. Something funny there.
- wonkavsn, on 10/12/2007, -10/+2Reminds me of Silence of the Lambs
- wonkavsn, on 10/12/2007, -13/+4Actually I misread.. it's not at all like Silence of the Lambs :/
Bury
- wonkavsn, on 10/12/2007, -13/+4Actually I misread.. it's not at all like Silence of the Lambs :/
- silvalynin, on 10/12/2007, -2/+47It it just me, or does this remind you of one of Dave Chappelle's stand-ups where he jokes about some guy holding everyone on a bus hostage, threatening to "ejaculate" on anyone who moves...LOL..
if you dont...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MynB5X3Dj38- bradleyland, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6And here we are laughing that they referred it to the anti-terrorism unit.
- aukxsona, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1NO *****!
- tsf5000, on 10/12/2007, -1/+58I do this on every flight I take. I had no idea it wasn't normal. I guess I'll be more careful in the future.
- growlzor, on 10/12/2007, -2/+16Dugg for making me spit out my drink, my eyes bulge and saying WTF!!!?? loudly in the library.
- geronimo, on 10/12/2007, -0/+56It was a redeye flight. Literally.
- danielsan79, on 10/12/2007, -9/+6How did she know it was semen? Did she taste test it?
- totorototoro, on 10/12/2007, -2/+22Sounds like one of those Letters to Penthouse Forum gone horribly wrong.
- willdiggforfood, on 10/12/2007, -47/+4Obviously, ACLU will defend this expletion on the ground of "freedom of speech", as this poor male worker was simply "expressing" himself.
Stupid liberals.- thesoze, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9wlldiggforfood - you're an idiot plain and simple!
- wonkavsn, on 10/12/2007, -7/+9And what's great about bashing conservatives is that you don't have to make up hypothetical/semi-potential situations to attack them on.
- willdiggforfood, on 10/12/2007, -17/+5Aaaahahaha, I knew I would get some moaning and pissing for this :)
- LostOnion, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6I'm not moaning. but I did just take a piss. Happy now?
- sogracefully, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3actually, i would guess that the ACLU would recognize a person's right not to be sexually assaulted.
- kevin45, on 10/12/2007, -4/+4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MynB5X3Dj38
- Ozymandius3, on 10/12/2007, -4/+16"The meal on today's flight will be beef stroganoff."
- schlongmeister, on 10/12/2007, -1/+10"With the chef's special sauce, squeezed fresh daily."
- CZzyzx41, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6You might have gotten more response if you'd spelled it "Beef Strokinoff"
- Dolomite, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1yeah, and served with Cream of Sumyunguy
- Darqfaux, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1It never stated in anywhere in the case document that "Gonzalez" was a NWA Employee. So I think the title is inaccurate.
But ya, eeewww...- dumdummuoi, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4it wasn't in the document, but in the news article linked on the same page.
- scjones, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1Aw c'mon do I have to?
AHHHHH SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET!! - djshinodalp, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5I'm also trying to understand why she didn't say/do anything when she was being felt up? One freaky dude btw... got guts though.
- babaduchi, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2wait, it's not like she was drugged or anything. how come she didn't wake up and stop it when all the spooning and fondling occurred? weirddd... and that gonzalez has no shame whatsoever....
- therasett, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3I agree - interesting that she was quiet while he had his hand under her shirt. Either she was sleeping, too confused/scared to say anything, or curious to find out what was going to transpire next. If that was the case, it sounds like she was disappointed.
- MonsterMagnet, on 10/12/2007, -1/+18MAn she must have been HOT :p
- cosmothx, on 10/12/2007, -5/+6I'm pretty sure this is considered normal in his home country.
- growlzor, on 10/12/2007, -2/+28"Gonzalez began touching the Victim, which she described as spooning. The Victim then felt her shirt move up her back and her side. The Victim felt additional touching by Gonzalez, who then got up from the middle seat and walked towards the forward part of of the aircraft. When the Victim reached to adjust her shirt, she felt what she described as warm fluid on her back and on her side"
Ok WTF? So she let him spoon with her first? What kind of flight was this?- bwilstyle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6It was the Flight of the Navigator.
"I told you, I blew a fuse when I totaled that electrical tower. I was checking out some daisies. "
"I do not leak, you leak! "
"If you wanna learn how to swim, you have to jump in the water. Don't forget to feed Bruiser. Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun... Whoa! I think I got some stuff out of your head that has nothing to do with navigating this ship!"
- bwilstyle, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6It was the Flight of the Navigator.
- bwilstyle, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1My entry into the foray: Domestic drinks are $3.50, imported drinks are obviously $5.
Just couldn't help myself. I guess NWA is not really a no-frills airline. - Smokalot, on 10/12/2007, -5/+2Cum on, she was asking for it.
- thesoze, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1ta-dum crash!
- pikpikcarrotmon, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1That's why you NEVER fly coach.
- patm1987, on 10/12/2007, -6/+5does this mean you've volunteered to pay for my flights back home from college? Cause there is no way that I can afford first class on a student's debt, and you obviously believe I shouldn't be in such a painfully torturous situation.
- illegalcortex, on 10/12/2007, -1/+26Apparently, NWA stands for No Wanking Allowed.
Based on the level of service you get from NWA, I'm pretty sure he learned this from their training videos.
I find this hard to believe, as I'm pretty sure you have to pay $5 for any extras on an NWA flight.
--
Okay, I couldn't pick one snarky so I posted them all. Seriously, though, I kind of have a hard time at this part
"while the Victim was trying to sleep in her assigned AISLE seat, an adult male ... sat down in a MIDDLE seat next to the Victim ... Gonzalez began touching the Victim, which she described as SPOONING." (emphasis mine) Okay, I've flown a lot of flights, and those put together do not make sense to me. This wasn't first class. First off, I don't get how you stealthily get into the middle seat in coach when someone else is sitting in the aisle seat. Even if that person has no legs. Second, how in the world could you do anything even remotely describable as spooning in those coach seats?
So yeah, I'm going to hold my judgment until I see some actual DNA testing, stains on his pants (strangely missing in the affidavit) or possibly a confession. It just doesn't add up. I'm more willing to believe "crazy person who made up a story about someone pulling up her shirt and laying paint" than "crazy person who switches seats on a crowded airplane, scoots into middle seat with someone trying to sleep in the aisle, pulls up her shirt, fondles her and lets it rip, then stealthily gets back OUT of this middle seat and goes back to his seat." I mean, people make up some weird *****. They even plant evidence. Look at the lady who got hold of a severed finger for her Wendy's chili hoax. What she claims the guy did is FAR weirder and more logistically complicated than nearly anything I've ever heard.
I'm suspicious of this whole thing, considering she was supposedly asleep in an aisle seat- Lnomis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Large planes have a 3-4-3 seating arrangement, where you can get into the four from either side. She could have been curled up in two, and he might have climbed in from the other side. I suppose that might explain it.
- illegalcortex, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2@lnomis
Good call, theoretically possible. But a search on NWA and seatguru shows that they only fly smaller jets (2-2 and 2-3 seating) on STLMSP.
Speaking of which, looks like seatguru is going to have to add a new icon to NWA flights. ;) - BrK1, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2FWIW, I've flown a ***** of domestic NWA flights, and I can't EVER remember a 3-4-3 arrangement. It's pretty much all 3-3 on the domestics.
- illegalcortex, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4@brk1
I've only seen the middle aisle on international flights. I wouldn't be surprised to see it on LAXNYC, though. However, from the NWA website, its definitely not an option on STLMSP. - rshu4you, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Never says he denied it when he was taken to the front of the plane to await being arrested
- illegalcortex, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1@rshu4you
Never says he didn't deny it.
Also, did you just make up the bit about him being "taken to the front of the plane to await being arrested". The affidavit says the victim was moved up front for the rest of the flight. I don't see anything about defendant being moved. - lolgamoff, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5I always thought NWA standed for N****s with attitude.
- bwilstyle, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2That guy took Google's I'm Feeling Lucky to new heights!
- j37hr0, on 10/12/2007, -3/+5Come on Eileen! Well, I swear (what he means)
At this moment, you mean everything - biggbrother, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Where'd the earlier version of this story with the informative title go?
- darzeecompany, on 10/12/2007, -2/+27"the Victim was moved to an alternate seat located near the front of the plane."
They couldn't move Gonzalez, because he had since smoked a cigarette and fallen asleep. - seandfeeney, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6this gives a whole new meaning to offbeat news
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