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Scientology's secret documents hacked by /i/'s Splongcat

xanga.com — Hackers from the /i/nsurgency, a splinter group of anonymous raided scientology's secret, even sacred documents this morning. Documents were leaked. Splongcat, after raiding replied with "For the /i/nsurgency! Oh and, we did it for lulz." www.xanga.com/lordxenu

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  • EuphoricAgony, on 01/19/2008, -6/+237Xenu's been naughty.
    • OverlordXenu, on 01/19/2008, -8/+168I know, I need to stop downloading porn...
    • ronk, on 01/19/2008, -1/+13I had a cognition last night and boy... did it feel gooood...
    • provost, on 01/19/2008, -2/+25I will never ever be able to understand how someone can hear the premise of that "religion" and think to themselves, "hey, yah.. so .. that sounds pretty reasonable.. where do I sign up at? Great thanks!"
      • Nitesmoke, on 01/20/2008, -2/+31They bring people in for a free "reading" and then tell them all the problems they have mental and physical are from sins of a past life, then promise to help where modern medicine cannot. Once someone can afford to join, usually by taking out loans, selling house, etc, they are forbidden to take any medication or have contact with non-Scientologists. There is a rigorous application of brainwashing, and anyone who makes it this far without calling ***** is highly susceptible to anything, no matter how ridiculous.
      • newtonip, on 01/20/2008, -0/+46The people who sign up do not hear stuff like that as the premise of this "religion". The crazier material such as this one are only introduced to the higher levels of Scientology.

        When people get suckered in for their free "personality tests", they only present them with tamer ideas. Most Scientology members don't even advance to high enough levels get introduced to this kind of stuff. For the few who do, I believe they stick with the "Church" for a combination of these reasons:
        1- Once you get to higher levels, you've been through a lot of brainwashing.
        2- Once you have invested so much time and money into something, it is very difficult to admit to yourself that you were wrong and drop it.
        3- The stuff is introduced very slowly so that even as it gets crazier, the person keeps accepting it. A bit like when you throw a frog in boiling water, it will jump right out but if you put it in cold water and warm the water slowly until it boils, the frog will stay and slowly cook to death.
        • yuutokun, on 01/20/2008, -2/+23dugg for the awesome frog analogy
        • mancat, on 01/20/2008, -0/+9Or they're receiving immense financial benefit for being at a high level position inside of a secret society that has more money at the tips of its fingers than it knows what to do with. Even if they've figured out that it's bogus, it's now their full-time occupation.
        • ricree, on 01/20/2008, -0/+11Also, the church of scientology, like pretty much all cults, works to distance its members from friends and family outside the church. By the time they learn about all of this they no longer have anyone to act as a support network outside of the church. To leave would basically mean becoming completely alone, and it takes a hell of a lot of bravery to do.
        • theclansman, on 01/20/2008, -7/+2also dugg for the frog analogy
          • InferiorWang, on 01/20/2008, -0/+6Yeah, see those red and green thumbs? They're there to allow you to express EXACTLY that sort of sentiment.
        • Inquisition, on 01/22/2008, -0/+0Dug down for using an analogy from the movie "Dante's Peak"
        • br0ck, on 01/22/2008, -0/+2Sorry, but frog analogy has been proven false: http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/frogboil.asp
      • DRagonRage, on 01/20/2008, -6/+1frog power!
    • TheKidd, on 01/19/2008, -0/+62It all looks like ***** gibberish.....how anyone follows this kook is beyond me.
      • Dotcommer, on 01/20/2008, -6/+6This all reminds me of my intro to animation class back in art school. One assignment, and a constant act as an animator was to walk around and notice differences in movements, weights, how people behave, act, so you can better apply those notices to your own animations to make them more realistic. haha
        • BugMeNot2, on 01/20/2008, -2/+3How is that gibberish? Sounds pretty reasonable to me.
    • glitchbit, on 01/19/2008, -3/+8I think they use Digg

      "What you don't dig isn't dug."
    • calon9, on 01/20/2008, -1/+121I read through it all and did the exercises and now I am an advanced level 1 super duper free and immortal thetan with 1000000 HP. What do I win? And how come no one's kneeling?
      • 4ndr34peace, on 01/20/2008, -0/+11Comment deserves more diggs, thanks for laugh :).
      • Fracture98, on 01/20/2008, -1/+18Congratulations. Press any key to play again.
      • weeeeeew, on 01/20/2008, -4/+12+1 internets for you
      • rebotfc, on 01/20/2008, -1/+20You gotta wait for blizzard to release the next expansion pack.
      • chijim70, on 01/21/2008, -1/+2You didn't pay the 300k for that level...
    • FullTangViper, on 01/20/2008, -0/+7i don't think xenu had curtains or a dog, either that or the hackers were on steroids.
    • JRjJ106, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3The head of the Galactic Federation (76 planets around larger stars visible from here) (founded 95,000,000 years ago, very space opera) solved overpopulation (250 billion or so per planet, 178 billion on average) by mass implanting. He caused people to be brought to Teegeeack (Earth) and put an H-Bomb on the principal volcanos (Incident II) and then the Pacific area ones were taken in boxes to Hawaii and the Atlantic area ones to Las Palmas and there "packaged".

      His name was Xenu. He used renegades. Various misleading data by means of circuits etc. was placed in the implants.
      • GMorgan, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1What I don't understand. Why didn't Xenu just colonise a few more planets? Surely easier and more ethical than the supposed solution.
    • DYNAMICENTRYYY, on 01/20/2008, -3/+3 Splongcat is splong.
    • Ogopogo, on 01/20/2008, -3/+3LRon, we never you. A hint of racism refering to Chinese as "Chinee" and anti-establismentarianism calling the FDA as "Fools & Drug Addicts". A fine Ron Paul support you'd make.
  • KentAllard, on 01/19/2008, -3/+47sure this is new material and not already out there on places like clambake?
    • HenkPoley, on 01/19/2008, -0/+16When you put fragments in Google you get one of the famous links to a ChillingEffects.org DMCA takedown notice about xenu.net. So yes, at least parts of this is already on Project Clambake.
    • epiccollision, on 01/20/2008, -1/+7http://weblog.xanga.com/lordxenu/638374283/item.ht ...
      the superpowers sections is awesome...who knew i had superpowers...being a scientoligist is awesome...everyone has superpowers
      • nicholai, on 01/20/2008, -0/+5POWER PROCESSING. Grades V and VA are still available and being

        delivered at Saint Hills for persons

        who did not make Dianetic Clear, delivered only by Class VII

        auditors who are specialized on it. Power

        continues to produce its startling results. Over 9000!
      • spawnfree, on 01/20/2008, -0/+2i did not know that losing all my money was the route to unlocking them.
        wheres my freaking chequebook?
    • FullTangViper, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3pretty sure it's all new, there was a fresh raid by /i/ "project chanology". so i doubt they raided it just to shut down the scientology site, they probably helped themselves to a few files.
  • anonsage, on 01/19/2008, -2/+252this is mental.


    -fairly incomprehensible too.
    • royall64, on 01/19/2008, -1/+7Yea, really, what is this again?
      • phronko, on 01/20/2008, -0/+23It's really quite simple. FTA: You say, "All right. Now, I'm going to say the item again. 'Inevitable catsfish,' 'inevitable catsfish.' All right. That rocket read." And it will. It rocket read beautifully. Where was the charge? The charge is insisted on. You must realize that these RIs don't have any more charge on them than you see on the meter.

        I hope that clears things up.
    • HenkPoley, on 01/19/2008, -2/+23It is religious text. It's purpose is to separate out those 'in the know' from the newbies, and to get the newbies interested in the terminology.
      • Ireland, on 01/20/2008, -0/+16"Religious". It's just plain old gibberish. The pray on the weak and unsure to try to fool with this *****. Your second point is highly credible though.
        • newtonip, on 01/20/2008, -4/+7Religions pray on the weak and unsure to try to fool them with their ***** so perhaps this is the appropriate term to use here.
    • Orb9, on 01/19/2008, -1/+33I think the genius of L. Ron was his ability to know how easily the human mind can be sheephearded and subjugated.
      • Ireland, on 01/20/2008, -0/+44The line between genius and ***** ***** is a small one.
        • lyssword, on 01/20/2008, -1/+4I hope you are talking about L ron in this specific case, because genius != evil
          • Tilon, on 01/20/2008, -1/+2"I hope you are talking about L ron in this specific case, because genius != evil"

            True Genius requires stepping over the edge, the one that both genius and tyrant must step across.
        • graemee, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1But you can have Evil Genius. specifically speaking.
      • spawnfree, on 01/20/2008, -0/+2i think everyone has the ability to do this, but an unbroken sense of morality cannot justify it.
        we just don't see those sociopaths coming.
    • Ireland, on 01/20/2008, -0/+13Note it down ;)
      • uptown, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1You did what? To who? For how many jelly beans?
    • technoredneck, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3Reminds me of http://www.timecube.com (but probably worse)
    • bearsandbulls, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3Oh boy, I thought I could respect all religions but wow, I mean, wow. And what is scietific about this garbage.
      • mgri, on 01/20/2008, -1/+4Have you considered that it might be a bad idea to aim to respect all religion. Sure you should respect a persons right to follow a religion, but automatically affording respect to religion in general is different. We've got a situation here where it's apparently not OK to question religion because its something you should automatically respect. My respect needs the be EARNED.
    • DeepNarcosis, on 01/20/2008, -0/+4Why can't Scientologists just be good cult members and drink the Cool-Aid already. Seriously, I'm tired of hearing of this *****, as it distracts humanity from real problems like war, poverty, etc...
    • Kakama, on 01/21/2008, -0/+1Mental?

      THIS
      IS
      ANOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
  • anon902503, on 01/19/2008, -3/+354It's like.. written in some kind of secret upside down moonspeak.
    • krawkula, on 01/19/2008, -3/+66σ_σ
    • robdiggity, on 01/19/2008, -2/+212˙ɟɟo ʎɐl 'ʎppnq ʎǝɥ
      • PawFox, on 01/19/2008, -8/+2How you do that?
        • Yareking, on 01/19/2008, -0/+1omg
        • poiuytrewq44, on 01/19/2008, -0/+20H4X!

          Or just Unicode. But I'm pretty sure it's h4x.
        • DaffyDuck, on 01/19/2008, -0/+18lɯʇɥ˙dılɟ/ɯoɔ˙pɐɟʌǝɹ˙ʍʍʍ

          It's only appropriate to post it that way...
      • bbardlbradd, on 01/19/2008, -6/+3How???
        • someone173406, on 01/19/2008, -1/+10There's a lot more than 26 characters in your computer.
          • InferiorWang, on 01/20/2008, -0/+4Yeah, there are capitals, numbers, and punctuation, too!
            (I'm done being a smartass. I know what you meant.)
          • bbardlbradd, on 01/20/2008, -0/+2Uh, yeah... but where are the upside down ones...

            ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ0123456789-=!@#$%^&*()_+{}|:"[];',./?¡™£¢∞§¶•ªº–≠“‘«…æ≤≥÷œ∑´®†¥¨ˆøπåß∂ƒ©˙∆˚¬Ω≈ç√∫˜µ⁄€‹›fifl‡°·‚—±ÅÍÎÏ˝ÓÔÒ¸˛Ç◊ı˜Â¯˘¿ÚÆ”’»

            That's all I have...
        • nicholai, on 01/20/2008, -0/+27You need to be level XII to find out.
      • one111one1one11, on 01/20/2008, -0/+7Flip: http://www.revfad.com/flip.html
      • Weebs43, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3Did anyone else turn themselves upside down in a ridiculous manner because they were curious enough to read it?
    • 0ceanic, on 01/19/2008, -1/+35uʍop ʇı ǝʇou ˙uoıʇıuƃoɔ oʇ op
      • adamrgolf, on 01/20/2008, -4/+1uʍop ʇı ǝʇou ˙uoıʇıuƃoɔ oʇ op
    • rentmitchum, on 01/20/2008, -0/+4Dugg you all for moon language use.
    • Devaney, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1I think someone needs to break into their headquarters and get the decoder ring...otherwise there's no way to know what an R2H, GI, GPM, or TRI actually is.
    • ysabellabrave, on 01/22/2008, -0/+1Agreed. Brain fell out.
  • JimFear, on 01/19/2008, -3/+99good work!

    i hope they will be pissed off
    • Myonosken, on 01/20/2008, -2/+8Seriously. If you get stalked and freaked by Scientologists if you dare to speak bad about them, imagine what these guys will get. ***** bullets.
      • Splongcat, on 01/20/2008, -0/+28Let them. If they can find me that is. If i can break into a server secured by a company with millions of dolars, i'm not supposed to be able to use Botnets and Proxy routing to avoid v&? Get real.
        • iticu, on 01/20/2008, -2/+3Man..
          You know how brutal Scientology is, right?

          They planned a coup to take over a country for gods sake. o.O
          • AnotherBrian, on 01/20/2008, -0/+2Yah, they're _planing_ a coup, I don't think it's going too well. They do have a town called Clearwater in Florida, but I sure that was pretty low hanging fruit.
        • accent21, on 01/22/2008, -0/+0All Hail Mighty Splongcat! He is >9000 internets better than any of us.
      • deepbl, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1If you know what you're doing, it's literally impossible for anybody to catch you or positively identify you.
    • themastersb, on 01/20/2008, -0/+5Is there anything in there that's a major compromise to them? I mean I'd read it, but tl;dr
      • Splongcat, on 01/20/2008, -0/+14Yes. Most of this is never-released information, that's why i leaked this. Btw, i heard about this story a few hours ago. Whee, i'm famous.

        Some of it has been leaked before on sites like xenu.net , but most hasn't.
        • FullTangViper, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3thanks for the LULZ splongcat. hope you don't get sued into oblivion by scientology lawyers :)
  • dcd722, on 01/19/2008, -115/+7I come from 4chan.
    • Light11, on 01/19/2008, -1/+69the x button is in the top corner. thanks.
    • Seafea, on 01/19/2008, -8/+48Go back to 4chan.
    • thebellmaster1x, on 01/19/2008, -1/+25Well, you have no place here, because this federal Interweb crime was committed by the scofflaws at EbaumsWorld. For shame, Ebaums.
    • prophetpimp, on 01/19/2008, -2/+13you must be from /d/
    • ramo13, on 01/20/2008, -11/+4uɐɥɔ4 oʇ ʞɔɐq oƃ
    • jcc6655, on 01/20/2008, -10/+31 & 2
  • akkibaba, on 01/19/2008, -26/+236It was done by Ebaumsworld.
    • ruley, on 01/19/2008, -31/+6what do you mean?
      • poiuytrewq44, on 01/19/2008, -0/+58He means that it was done by "Ebaumsworld".
      • prophetpimp, on 01/19/2008, -7/+25That it was done by that jew Eric Baum. Eric Hates Tom Cruise.
        • nosecohn, on 01/19/2008, -28/+4"that jew"?? Is that how you describe someone? What about, "that guy" or "that blogger"?
          • Nitesmoke, on 01/20/2008, -0/+36But if he said "that guy" or "that blogger" how we supposed to know if he's a jew or not??
        • orxor, on 01/20/2008, -1/+12Is jew an offensive term now? What if he said "that mormon" or "that christian". Is it politically incorrect now to refer to someone by his religion?
        • bluezinc, on 01/20/2008, -5/+1It's somewhat politically incorrect, but I LOL'ed.
    • Robotsu, on 01/19/2008, -22/+8Done by Ebaumsworld as in hacked by it's members, or as in created by it's members?

      I don't follow ebaum's world, were you joking or is this thing a fake?
      • Mtown, on 01/19/2008, -29/+4It was a collaborative effort by a lot of sites. 4chan, YTMND, and Ebaum's world were the main ones i think.
        • Ramble, on 01/19/2008, -4/+19I call bollocks to that. there's no way the YTMND community and the Ebaum community would co-operate like that.
        • gcnaddict, on 01/20/2008, -1/+34It was definitely Ebaumsworld (mtown get the ***** hint already)
        • Robotsu, on 01/20/2008, -7/+4okay, but are you referring to the "hack" or are you saying it's a fake created by the aforementioned groups???
        • Drakoola, on 01/20/2008, -0/+9they're referring to the hack, which was done by ebaumsworld last I heard.
    • themastersb, on 01/20/2008, -18/+35Anonymous says it was Ebaums world so that if anyone gets in trouble they'll be blamed first.
      • Marcsib, on 01/20/2008, -1/+5ooh ooh! pick me teacher! I'm ever so smart!
    • starkruzr, on 01/20/2008, -0/+38Indeed. Way to go Ebaums. An internet for you!
    • sfacets, on 01/20/2008, -4/+16No, Ebaumsworld is run by Scientologists.
  • DavidJames0, on 01/19/2008, -19/+178Yes this was leaked by Ebaumsworld.
    • Gimpishi, on 01/19/2008, -9/+67Who stole it from _______
      • lys3rgic, on 01/19/2008, -2/+134Shhh...they aren't supposed to know that ebaumsworld doesn't have ANY original content. Let's keep this under wraps so Scientology lawyers can sue Eric Bauman (owner of ebaums.) This might be the best thing that ever happened to the internet.
        • Mtown, on 01/19/2008, -1/+15lol the perfect plan! We'll kill two birds with one stone.
      • HenkPoley, on 01/19/2008, -3/+13Who copied it from Xenu.net [, who got it from leaving 'high level' Scientologists.]

        [Let me correct that for you]
    • ByteGuerilla, on 01/20/2008, -4/+14Ebaumsworld. They're the originators. Anonymous did not do, see, or hear any of this, nor did it do, see, or hear any forms of what may be considered 'evil'.
  • thebellmaster1x, on 01/19/2008, -1/+65Wow. Something honorable done by the International Associachan of the Interweb Hackers. I'm quite surprised.
    By the way, can anybody explain this: Is "cognition" the crazypersontalk for "thought"?
    • twiztidsinz, on 01/19/2008, -8/+4http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognition
    • HenkPoley, on 01/19/2008, -1/+15See: http://www.xenu.net/archive/dictionary/

      Cognition, a sudden realization about oneself having to do with Scientology. "Fanny had a cognition about how her father was a big Suppressive during Session; now she's on the PTS/SP course."

      (Find more by entering "{term} site:xenu.net" in Google)
    • thebellmaster1x, on 01/19/2008, -1/+13No, I know that, but who says "a cognition"?
      • Cenobite, on 01/19/2008, -0/+29Scientologists.
      • WaltDismal, on 01/19/2008, -1/+4Maybe the same people who buy foolscap paper say 'a cognition'..
        --- In the discussion it says: "Each student must supply himself with foolscap paper."
        In this day and age, who uses that term for a sheet of paper? It's so 1930s, and retarded as hell. Not even religious either.
    • robdiggity, on 01/19/2008, -1/+24It is the term used to describe the starting up of an engine made entirely of meshed gears.
    • senatorpjt, on 01/20/2008, -0/+5I think it means "revelation."
    • joshman5k, on 01/20/2008, -2/+2Cognition, a sudden realization about oneself having to do with Scientology. "Fanny had a cognition about how her father was a big Suppressive during Session; now she's on the PTS/SP course."
    • patrickh48, on 01/20/2008, -0/+0the Term "cognition", has a different meaning in Scientology than in Psychology.

      You will rarely hear a Scientologist use the term "realization", but you will hear them use the term "cognition", instead, but the meaning is essentially the same.

      Patrick
  • s0m31john, on 01/19/2008, -76/+114CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
    -Tom Green
    • OverlordXenu, on 01/19/2008, -32/+94chan sucks. They're too dumb to do ***** like this.
      • Jeffler, on 01/19/2008, -4/+8/i/ is part of 4chan.
        • prophetpimp, on 01/19/2008, -3/+6/i/ is not part of 4chan because of m00ts faggotry but /b/tard are a part of /i/ when the need Arises.
        • Executor89, on 01/20/2008, -1/+6LIES! 4chan had NO PART IN THIS. THIS WALL ALL DOWN BY EBOMESWORLD!
    • tingrin87, on 01/19/2008, -7/+21rules 1 and 2.
      • bagelpirate, on 01/19/2008, -5/+44chan sucks anyway. It's the scary corner of the internet.
        • ubergeek09, on 01/20/2008, -0/+24Chan is the butthole of the interwebz.
      • championchap, on 01/19/2008, -0/+7What are you talking about?
        His comment was completely unrelated.. thats why he got so violently buried.

        It was obviously ebaumsworld.
      • starkruzr, on 01/20/2008, -2/+5It's kind of out of the bag now, isn't it?

        Besides, it was ebaums, 7chan, like 5 other chans, ***** YTMND... this was not a single-source raid. Everyone hates scientology.
  • profchaos155, on 01/19/2008, -28/+24Simpsons did it.
  • Skanadian, on 01/19/2008, -30/+139Ebaumsworld is really good at this stuff.
    • banmaster, on 01/19/2008, -34/+68NO.
      All they are good at is ripping off other people's content, slapping a watermark on it and raking in advertising money without giving ANY of it to the creator.
      • Chocobot, on 01/19/2008, -5/+76facepalm
      • thebellmaster1x, on 01/19/2008, -11/+25And don't forget taking the unwanted blame for hacking done by the *chans.
      • neftaly, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1@banmaster: Which is EXACTLY what has been done to the Scientologists :D
    • Stoneleprecon, on 01/19/2008, -37/+2Ebaumsworld didnt do this
      • knightblade2oo4, on 01/19/2008, -0/+22nothing gets by you, does it Stoneleprecon?
      • Cenobite, on 01/19/2008, -0/+17Of course they did, dummy. This has Ebaumsworld written all over it. Classic Ebaum M.O.
      • poiuytrewq44, on 01/19/2008, -0/+11That's not possible. It was totally them.
      • Myonosken, on 01/20/2008, -0/+8facepalm
    • Yareking, on 01/19/2008, -3/+8stealing?
    • ho0ber, on 01/19/2008, -4/+10lewl... I love how ANGRY the clueless people get.
      • phronko, on 01/20/2008, -0/+9lol...it's hilarious to write inside jokes in a public place then laugh when nobody gets it. Takes so much wit and effort.
    • Mtown, on 01/19/2008, -3/+14I gotta agree, Ebaumsworld is really good at stealing crap from other people. But when it comes to Scientology and Ebaumsworld, Ebaumsworld is the lesser of the two evils.
    • ByteGuerilla, on 01/20/2008, -2/+9They have the best hackers in the world!
      • cspivack, on 01/20/2008, -0/+13Yeah, it's like they're on steroids, or something.
      • iChainsaw, on 01/20/2008, -0/+2ima get a ***** dog. and ***** curtains.
      • thealliedhacker, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1They got all of my passwords!!111one-hundred-and-eleven11!
  • OverlordXenu, on 01/19/2008, -47/+9What a coincidence, I partake in the *chans, too.
  • bjs3171, on 01/19/2008, -1/+149what in the world? i have no idea what that was trying to say. so i noted it down.
    • TheLaughingImp, on 01/19/2008, -0/+29:) Did you experience cognition?
  • benguild, on 01/19/2008, -2/+117That looks like something I'd write when I'm high...
    • Seifey, on 01/19/2008, -1/+21Looks like something I'd do when I'm high.
    • ElbowGeek, on 01/19/2008, -0/+29You'd not be far off the mark. L Ron was a pretty wacked out individual, alcoholic and psychotic. He had begged the military for mental help in the late 40's, but was rejected.

      I just don't understand how this incoherent rambling was ever taken seriously by sane people in the modern world. There are shades of Nazi loyalty in their devotion, which is what scares me.
    • Robotsu, on 01/20/2008, -0/+14Seriously, i've never seen someone use more words to say absolutely nothing. It's a barren wasteland of meaning, a vapid freaking desert of ideas. The guy is a ***** idiot.
    • Quizboy, on 01/20/2008, -0/+4Well then you should create a religion, you'd make millions!
    • CannibalTom, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3Ron did alot of drugs in his time.
  • ninephoenixes, on 01/19/2008, -3/+85cautiously declaring this epic
  • cambob76, on 01/19/2008, -0/+30His brains have been scrambled by that fruity little club!
  • swazee, on 01/19/2008, -18/+5someone's going to catch a lawsuit
    • Stoneleprecon, on 01/19/2008, -1/+18plz be ebaums
    • Splongcat, on 01/20/2008, -0/+13If they can find me, sure. But they can't. Why? I have steroids.

      Anonymous does not forgive.
  • Vash3001, on 01/19/2008, -6/+15lol
  • sfacets, on 01/19/2008, -2/+51Copies should be made, and shared.
  • soot, on 01/19/2008, -23/+17Ebaums did it
  • Havoc737903, on 01/19/2008, -0/+48What the hell was that crap?
  • Dreamfiend, on 01/19/2008, -5/+29They are SO gonna sue you
    • aldenhg, on 01/19/2008, -1/+13In England.
      • bbardlbradd, on 01/19/2008, -0/+37FACT:

        Scientologists can sue intergalacticly.
    • Splongcat, on 01/20/2008, -0/+43Sue me? Good luck, gotta find me first.

      Protip: /i/ > FBI at networking. So good luck. You'll need it.
      • ypSami, on 01/20/2008, -1/+4You shouldn't have even given him a response. He's going to think the last sentence is "networking code".
      • iChainsaw, on 01/20/2008, -1/+16SPLONGCAT! YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE! Scientologists have mastered COMPUTER SCIENCE VIII!!!!!!
    • Chordinator, on 01/20/2008, -0/+9More like SO gonna murder you in the quiet of your home. Fortunately though you're right, they won't find you.
    • SharkyTech, on 01/20/2008, -0/+9Don't say they're sue-happy, they REALLY HATE that, they'll probably sue you.
  • beclamide, on 01/19/2008, -0/+21nice work! it still doesn't make any sense to me though...
    • Ireland, on 01/20/2008, -0/+6It's not meant to make sense. It's designed to confuse so they can attempt to take control.
  • RFKirb, on 01/19/2008, -2/+39Totally...*****....Crazy!
  • killzalot, on 01/19/2008, -10/+81good work Ebaumsworld!
  • SuspicionVandit, on 01/19/2008, -0/+88CTRL+C, CTRL+V
  • someone173406, on 01/19/2008, -5/+9I'll assume the ddos attack that supposedly occurred yesterday really worked...
    • HenkPoley, on 01/19/2008, -0/+9DDoS-es work *against* getting data out of a server. They do not reveal any information. Unless of course they were brute-forcing passwords or URLs, which is easily blocked on the servers.
      • someone173406, on 01/19/2008, -0/+2I know, but did the attack from everyone else ever happened? that's my question.
    • randomguy1, on 01/20/2008, -2/+0you could say it might have worked you could also check to see how .org and rtc.org are running today they may be down of course this is just random im sure ppl would never actually ddos a "church" website that would be mean
  • maja742, on 01/19/2008, -2/+36where do i sign up
    • Raian, on 01/19/2008, -0/+32Sir, I can only have you sign this massive disclaimer and direction..... but Scientology isn't about signing things, it's about the greatest author of all time, L. Ron Hubbard-- now rather than sign up wouldn't you be interested in this hardbound copy of "Dianetics"? You know it's the greatest book ever published, and the best seller worldwide.... don't believe me? Well let me just hook this e-meter up to you and we will discover the true issue behind your disbelief an audit or 2 never hurt anyone...Just answer yes to all questions-- Now have you ever fantasied about having sex with your father while your mother watched?? Wow you've made a lot of progress today... feel better? Okay that will be $3,000.00.
    • sjohnson0881, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1sign me up 2. Here's my bank account info...
  • solitonica, on 01/19/2008, -4/+286This is so insanely long that I have decided not to read it and instead periodically check back on these comments to eventually and inevitably be enlightened by the Diggers that have the patience to read this crap and in turn copy and paste to us the most insane parts of it with a little witty commentary on the side and send their comment into Digg stardom at the very top of the list, completely bypassing useless run on sentences posted by other Diggers.
    • stklaw, on 01/19/2008, -13/+42You are not Yahtzee. Add some punctuations in your sentence.
      • twiztidsinz, on 01/19/2008, -1/+39There is a comma and a period. I do believe that qualifies as 'some'.
    • caesar0801, on 01/19/2008, -0/+19I was just gonna ask... who would read this entire document??? I tried for the first couple of lines but then... Jeez...
    • Clad, on 01/19/2008, -0/+4/sign
    • ElbowGeek, on 01/19/2008, -1/+9Indeed, this is even less understandable than that Uncyclopedia site...
    • KamikazeeDriver, on 01/20/2008, -0/+2So true. I couldn't get past the headline's paragraph, let alone the damn article.

      Take a class in english because no one here has a clue what you're trying to say!
  • knightblade2oo4, on 01/19/2008, -2/+62Scientologists are screaming sage
  • T8erT0T, on 01/19/2008, -2/+20A righteous DIGG!
    ...but why is it on xanga?
  • codyman, on 01/19/2008, -1/+48Hubbard basically went to a kindergarten class and had them write a story about weird *****, then turned it into a religion...
    • KamikazeeDriver, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3I tried that too, but no one wants to believe in my intergalactic puppy gods.

      I'll try a different school soon though
  • bonds, on 01/19/2008, -17/+4The /r/tards rejoice!
  • indyhouse, on 01/19/2008, -0/+33Why can't some judge presiding over one of their absurd cases sit back and say, "You know what, Mr. Scientologist, I think the Germans have it right."
    • TheFinaleofSeem, on 01/19/2008, -17/+7Well, they almost had it right. If history were to repeat itself today, the one change they'd need to make is to feed the Scientologists to the ovens instead of the Jews.
      • asskey, on 01/19/2008, -4/+12No one should be fed to any ovens ever. And you sir, are not funny. That being said the Germans definitely have it right about Scientology.
  • kolop1, on 01/19/2008, -1/+17 I read that and don't understand it. How can anybody believe this? It makes no sense.
    • HenkPoley, on 01/19/2008, -0/+2These stories are only told to you when you are 'in' for a few years already. Then you have a background (ontology) to hang the story in, it won't look that weird to you.
    • webkidd, on 01/20/2008, -1/+1Not that I understand it but just because YOU dont means it is wrong?
  • sfacets, on 01/19/2008, -0/+97"The symbol of a Gorilla was always present in the place the goal was given. Sometimes a large gorilla, black, was seen elsewhere than the park. A mechanical or a livegorilla was always seen in the park." WTF
    • joshzam, on 01/19/2008, -0/+30This same pattern, but given in an amusement park with a
      single tunnel, a roller coaster and a Ferris
      wheel, was used between about 319 trillion years ago to about 256
      trillion trillion years ago, a long span.

      Riiiiiight...
      • Jandels, on 01/21/2008, -0/+3I thought the same thing ... 256 trillion trillion years ago? That's well beyond the current estimate for the age of the universe (13.7 billion years). But then I noticed the note by L. Ron Hubbard stating "All trillions used are US trillions which are 1,000 million." So a trillion is actually only a billion and the livegorilla was actually using the Ferris Wheel between 319 billion years and 256 billion billion years ago.

        Which makes a lot more sense...
    • schroeder, on 01/20/2008, -0/+18Sounds like one of those nonsense spam emails. Or maybe those spam emails are just from Scientologists.
    • ByteGuerilla, on 01/20/2008, -0/+9As we say on the street, these ***** ain't real.
    • jiveturkeyblues, on 01/20/2008, -0/+3it sounds like nature's harmonious time cube style *****.
    • bearsandbulls, on 01/20/2008, -0/+2 I can tell you one thing if I was going to try to brainwash people into some religion I wouldn't be talking about monkeys at amusement parks trillions of years ago. Okay guys heres my pitch.....

      One hundred trillion years ago a being beyond our comprehension released energy from with in to create all universes. Only to later regather that energy 30 trillion years from now, and become one with the experience of all life and the history of all the energies in the universes.

      My Religion is called Universology, and you can join now for only $299.99. Call now and get free mystery pill from your favorite celebrity.
    • Braincells, on 01/20/2008, -0/+5Must be why he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch like a gorilla when he met his goal of brain washing Katie!
  • pitdog, on 01/19/2008, -0/+27Scientology = brainwashing.
    Scienos = brainless drones.
  • cobainirvana, on 01/19/2008, -3/+94If you stay still, you can hear Tom Cruise's vagina begging for mercy
    • dhughes, on 01/19/2008, -5/+26 I think you mean Mangina ...he's Old Greg!
      • kazamx, on 01/19/2008, -6/+10Don't bury this, just because you don't understand it. Its a reference to the TV program The Mighty Boosh, a cult comedy in the UK
        • betterth, on 01/20/2008, -7/+1Don't tell me what to bury and not bury. If I don't get some lame british pop culture joke, i'll digg you down. I did. And you too for being a prick and telling me what to do :P
          • JoeBaynham, on 01/20/2008, -3/+2Ha "lame British pop culture". Stfu until you've seen the show, you arrogant *****.
          • betterth, on 01/20/2008, -2/+2Why the ***** would I watch british television? And its lame because you're on an PREDOMINANTLY American site, posting obscure british pop culture, and then getting your dainty ***** panties in a bunch when someone says "don't tell me what to do, and if I want to digg you down because you're posting silly stupid references, than I will"

            Ultimately though it doesn't matter, as I'll continue to digg you down regardless of what goofy british curse words you want to throw at me. "Arrogant *****!" is beautiful by the way. Just makes me want to say "Oi blokes! Let's go watch the polo tourney on the tele!"
          • Vary, on 01/21/2008, -1/+2I have seen the show, you arrogant *****. I think it's rubbish.
      • diieson, on 01/30/2008, -0/+1Dug for Old Greg
    • JoeBaynham, on 01/20/2008, -0/+7I think its coming from the closet!!!!
    • deliciouscakex, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1LOL.
  • Vajrapani, on 01/19/2008, -2/+113"Cognition" is Scientology slang for bowel movement.
    • muniak, on 01/19/2008, -1/+10Bowel movements involving bricks.
    • ubermayo, on 01/20/2008, -1/+1Vajrapani,
      After reading a little of the article and scrolling down to your comment, I now have fruit punch all over my monitor. Thank you. Thank you so much.
  • Versh, on 01/19/2008, -1/+64I consider myself a tolerate individual, but seriously, people who believe in Scientology are absolutely insane. Now I'm depressed for them...
    • itzmattu, on 01/20/2008, -1/+5Would you like to attend an audit session that can improve your life and the lives of those around you?
  • Enjia, on 01/19/2008, -3/+30(Nice little tidbit)

    Now we notice that Mars doesn't have any atmosphere either and won't support life. In spite of the fact
    that it turns green and red and purple with the seasons, it doesn't support life. We understand -- there's lots of things we understand about this system -- heh-heh! Isn't it?
    But this is a carefully maintained station. And a space-opera, meat-body type society maintains it very
    carefully. They have a hospital, there's space craft hanging around there, dispatcher stations, landing
    platforms, this type of thing. It's all highly civilized, but they carefully maintain this one. And it's very interesting, they maintain this one. They've maintained it for thousands of years without any change. why, it's fascinating.

    Why are they maintaining this thing? Why? Why is it so important to them?
    • DavidinBoston, on 01/20/2008, -6/+8This ***** can't be real. These people are freaks. but then again so is anyone who believes in any religion.
    • jiveturkeyblues, on 01/20/2008, -0/+9wait, are we the space-opera meat-body type society?
    • EvilBunnys, on 01/20/2008, -0/+5"Why are they maintaining this thing? Why? Why is it so important to them?"
      They did it for the lulz.
  • KevinBlowsGoats, on 01/19/2008, -2/+54Your ideas intrigue me. I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.
  • lazyfisherman, on 01/19/2008, -50/+5You know, there's some really interesting teachings in scientology. Like some of it does sort of make sense. It's all the sci-fi, intergalactic warlord Xenu crap that was clearly just made the ***** up by Hubbard that ruins it. I can see why they only let people know about that at the higher levels of the organization -- the sci-fi stories and explanations are a total joke. At first, Hubbard must have been surprised people believed all that stuff. Oh yeah, and that whole give us your money thing to advance levels... *****. And the paranoid, sue and destroy enemies of the church so we can protect our profits... that ruins the religion too, overshadowing any of the good that could come from their teachings.
    • PhilMoskowitz, on 01/19/2008, -1/+18If you're that desperate to find value in the "teachings" of some half mad scifi author you've got some serious problems in your life that won't be solve by this nonsense. Whatever it is, search of real answers.
    • Enfecktion, on 01/19/2008, -1/+19I knew tom cruise read Digg.
      • iamorlando, on 01/20/2008, -13/+2Hey ***** you guys, with all the respec,,, Lazyfisherman makes a point that everyone is missing. Scientology does say something on how to improve your lives.

        If instead of xenu, they worshiped some biblical dude, no one would be having issues with them.

        There really is religious intolerance against scientology, basicly, because it is a new an difrent religion, people don't recognise it to be legitimate, hence their followers are labled wackos.

        In reality, all religious people are wackos, all religions are based on supernatural stuff that you are soposed to believe, even god. Somehow, the general feeling is that if its an old religion then its ok. thats just stupid
    • ISayWhut, on 01/20/2008, -1/+1They should totally make the "teachings" of scientology into a sci-fi movie. I mean, explosions, genocide and aliens man!
      • rabidbob, on 01/22/2008, -0/+1Battlefield Earth.

        My eyes are still bleeding.
    • moliver000, on 01/21/2008, -0/+2Teachings? I.E. "Psychology is a lie - go off your meds and use Scientology to cure yourself"? Yeah that's really ***** interesting.
  • pimpofpixels, on 01/19/2008, -0/+54That whole first section could be seen as a series of exercises designed to alienate yourself from society.
    • jaymm17, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1Excellent detective work
    • neodigger, on 01/20/2008, -0/+0You don't need any exercises to alienate yourself from society, society will do that for you.
  • sbolanos, on 01/19/2008, -4/+46e/b/aumsworld should have provided a .pdf or something, text liek that is horrible
  • bonk2k, on 01/19/2008, -1/+19"'Meditating and observing others.' Interesting, certainly a valid religious practice. Ok moving on: 'Crazy ass ramblings about aliens and *****.' Oh lordy..."
    • keyo, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1It's the blackmail, extortion and brainwashing bit that I worry about.
  • lucutus, on 01/19/2008, -26/+5This rules! This is teh sweetest thing I Evah saw on DIGG
    • oojamaflip2006, on 01/20/2008, -5/+7Will yo people stop typing like ***** retards? Seriously, It is not cool, you are not being clever. You are being a herd-following prick.
      • lucutus, on 01/26/2008, -1/+2"yo people" "***** retards" is cool and clever right? Your comment is very clever and not prickish at all. Thank you for your insight and friendly feedback. It's very constructive. PS: all up in ur comens makn u luk fulish (MEOW)
    • lucutus, on 01/20/2008, -7/+2Heh, I sorta did that on purpose just to see if I'd get buried or dugg. Thanks for the answer lulz.
  • Djjcj, on 01/19/2008, -1/+46what was the bit about the gorilla in the theme park again?
    • stfucupcake, on 01/19/2008, -0/+10it's like the bear (or mechanical bear) thing. only different.
    • chess007, on 01/20/2008, -0/+10Its racism. They don't like black people.
      • stevealford, on 01/20/2008, -5/+2Who are these black people you speak of?
        • xerexes1, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1Not true. Didn't they just recruit Will Smith? - Sorry, I meant to reply to chess007.
        • Jenadae, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1@xerexes

          No, he has studied in Scientology and stated its like many other religions. He never said he believes in it though.
    • Jandels, on 01/21/2008, -0/+1It's like a bull in a china shop, advanced +2.
  • johnchaney3, on 01/19/2008, -20/+12I think President Bush would write something of this ilk...if he ever wrote anything...Has anyone ever seen Pres. Bush with a pencil in his hand?
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