Can I Make My Mother-In-Law Wear Underwear Beneath Her Nightgown, And Other Advice Column Questions
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There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.

Can I Ask My Mother-In-Law To Stop Sleeping Without Underwear On?

I have a wonderful mother-in-law whom I love very much. She frequently stays overnight in my home. I also have two young sons.

My mother-in-law recently mentioned to me that she doesn't wear underwear to bed and never has, including while staying at my house. I'm troubled by this because she wears nightgowns to bed, and I'm afraid my sons might accidentally see her lady parts. Also, she sleeps on my furniture like this, and I feel it is disrespectful and unladylike.

I don't know how to say to her that, for the sake of my furniture and my sanity, I need her to wear underwear to bed when she stays at my house. Do I broach this subject, or am I being unreasonable?

[UExpress]

Abigail Van Buren points out that the letter writer's sons are highly unlikely to notice that their grandmother doesn't wear underwear to bed. "In the interest of family harmony, I recommend you take a chill pill and leave the subject alone," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

Is It Unreasonable For Me Not To Sleep With My Husband When He Refuses To Brush His Teeth And Shower?

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We started out very strong sexually, but over the past few years he has stopped bathing and brushing his teeth regularly. Nothing I say or do seems to compel him to wash. Sometimes he goes more than two weeks without bathing. He's dirty (he works a manual labor job) and he smells awful. I don't want to be in the same room as him, and the thought of kissing him or being intimate with him horrifies me. So we aren't having sex and haven't been in a while. I tell him that I can't consider a physical relationship with him because of this, but he doesn't believe me — he tells me that it's my problem, that I lack confidence, or I don't love him, or I'm not attracted to him. He is very angry a lot of the time and blames his attitude on me "withholding sex." He sees a doctor regularly and is treated for mild anxiety, but nothing seems to get through to him about this. I want sex back in my life, but not with someone who is dirty and/or who is mean to me, and I'm not sure what to do.

[Slate]

Stoya says it's very reasonable for the letter writer to draw boundaries around their husband's hygiene and anger. "I'm sorry your husband is neglecting himself," she writes. "At a certain point — this exact point — you may need to evaluate how much you're willing to put up with." Read the rest of her answer.

Was I Unfair To Leave My Daughter's Dog Out Of My Will?

I'm a widow with two daughters, "Laurie" and "Diane." I'm in the process of writing my will and have allocated 35 percent of my estate to each of my daughters, and 15 percent to each of Diane's children — both under age 5 — to be put into college savings accounts. Laurie is furious that I haven't given an equal share to "Spot," her golden retriever puppy, compared with what she calls his "human cousins." She treats Spot like her child and refers to him as such. She has accused me of unfairness and bias, and likened my actions to homophobia — she has called being a "pet parent" an "orientation."

I think her obsession with Spot is unhealthy and bordering on ridiculous. I love Spot and make sure I have his favorite treats and toys when they visit, but I really do not feel I owe him more than this, and I resent my grandchildren being compared to a dog. Laurie hasn't spoken to me in a month and says she won't until I amend my will. Please help.

[Slate]

Daniel Mallory Ortberg reassures the letter writer that she did not do anything wrong by not including Spot in her will. "It's painful and difficult when someone we love chooses to cling to a ridiculous sense of having been wronged rather than have a conversation or let it go, but I don't know what else you can do here, short of joining Laurie in her delusions," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.

Can I Refuse To Participate In The Lip Sync Battle Portion Of My Office's Mandatory Spirit Week?

My employer is having a mandatory spirit week with a summer camp theme next week. Each day we are to participate in "voluntary" camp activities with our assigned "cabin mates" for the week. The week culminates in a lip sync battle with our cabin mates in front of 100 other employees here at our headquarters and will be recorded for our international staff. Our top three executives are going to be judges. I am very uncomfortable with this.

Normally, I would have no problem simply not participating. However, the entire week is a graded assignment in which our participation and level of enthusiasm is awarded or punished with points for the team. For example, Monday is 80's fashion day so each cabin mate that isn't dressed in 80's style loses a point for the team. The lip sync battle will be graded on us all participating, having matching costumes, and the level of "spirit" displayed in our performance. Some of my cabin mates are really into this camp week while some of us are dreading it. I'd hate for their reputations to be damaged by my lack of participation. Some of the activities are manageable but pretending to sing while dancing in front of people is not.

How do I approach this while protecting my colleagues?

[Ask A Manager]

Alison Green urges the letter writer either to fake an illness on the day of the lip sync battle or just to refuse to participate. "People pushing back and saying 'no, this isn't something I'm going to do' is a good thing," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

Should I Apologize Because My Dog Scared My Friend's Daughter When She Sought Out The Dog Despite My Warnings?

I recently hosted an old college friend for lunch at my house, along with her husband and young daughter, "Lillie."

I've got a medium-sized dog that gets nervous around new people, so for safety's sake I locked the dog in her kennel and kept her in a back room.

My friend asked several times if she could take her daughter to the back to "see the puppy," but I said no because the dog would stay calmer if she was left alone.

Well, while I was busy cooking lunch, my friend apparently snuck Lillie to the back room to see the dog.

Next thing I know, Lillie is screaming/crying, and my friend is yelling at me.

Apparently the dog nipped at Lillie and scared her (there was no physical contact). Now, my friend is angry with me for "allowing" my dog to scare her child. She is threatening to report me to animal control.

I think she's insane.

My dog was locked away in her kennel. I stated very clearly to leave the dog alone, and she ignored me.

My friend says she wants an apology and for me to get rid of the dog, or she won't be visiting anymore. Who is right here?

[Tribune Content Agency]

Amy Dickinson rules that the letter writer does not owe the friend an apology. "Taking your narrative at face value, she is an irresponsible parent who knowingly and deliberately ignored clearly stated warnings and put her child in harm's way," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

How Can I Get My Friend's Mom To Stop Lifting Me Up Off The Ground Whenever She Sees Me?

The mother of a church friend has taken to lifting me up off the ground every time she talks to me at church. I'm 24.

I let her once, because I thought it was going to be a friendly, one-time greeting. Unfortunately, that sent her the wrong message.

The mom, I'll admit, is only being friendly, but she also calls me "little girl" and comments on how I need to eat more and how I have a little stomach. We talk about little else. Frankly, if this is how most of our future conversations are going to be, I would prefer we just cordially smile and walk on…

I don't know if I should attend another church, hide in the bathroom, fake an injury and refuse to stand up when I see her, or what. I feel that the longer this goes on, the more awkward it will be to confront her. I'm also afraid she will try to convince me that she's just being friendly, so I shouldn't mind these things…

It's becoming unbearable to talk to her, and I'm at a loss of what to do. Is this a battle worth fighting, and if so, what should my strategies be?

[UExpress]

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, who write the Miss Manners column, advise the letter writer to directly tell the mom "Please don't do that" when she tries to lift her off the ground. "Politeness does not — repeat, not — require you or anyone else to allow another person to handle you against your wishes," they write. Read the rest of their answer.

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