What Should I Do After Discovering That My Boyfriend Has Been Using A Fake Voice For Our Entire Relationship, And Other Advice Column Questions
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There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.

What Should I Do After Discovering That My Boyfriend Has Been Using A Fake Voice For Our Entire Two-Year Relationship?

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years [23F and 26M] after we met online. We were long distance but he only texted me, and at a point I told him I couldn't continue without a video call to ensure he is who he says. He said he was insecure about his voice on the phone, kept putting it off, until I gave him an ultimatum. We had our video call, I told him I loved his voice, and we haven't had a problem with calling since. His voice was raspy, like strained vocal cords, so I figured that was why he was self conscious…

After we met, we saw each other every other weekend alternating drives, until we got a place together in my town 6 months ago. He's met my family and friends, I've only met one of his friends because he was his roommate. He says his other friends aren't really close, and he has a strained relationship with his family.

His mom has been calling him since he moved, but he always ignores them… Earlier this week he actually took the phone outside and called her back, but asked me for some privacy. They talked for almost 3 hours.

When he finally came in, he looked happy. I asked him how it went, and immediately he answered "really well!" But… I swear he sounded like a Muppet character. It was NOT my boyfriend's voice by a long shot. He went from a deep, raspy voice to Mickey mouse. I sincerely thought he was joking. So I laughed.

He started a coughing fit, but I thought he was laughing too. Nope. He asked what I was laughing at, and I told him "whatever that impression was" legitimately thinking he was making some weird joke…

He got pissed at me, went back to his "regular" gravelly voice I guess and told me his voice cracked from talking too much.

Well, today when he was ignoring his mom's phone calls again and when I asked why, he got quiet. After trying to figure out what was wrong with him, he finally opened up that he's been faking his voice our ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP to the point he believed it. And when he talked to his mom his natural voice just came out, and I embarrassed him.

I…. don't know what to think. I both feel like an asshole for laughing at him, and like it's not my fault that he lied about his voice and then randomly went from the Witcher to Sesame Street.

[Reddit via Twitter]

The commenters on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit generally agree that the letter writer is not a jerk for laughing in good faith. "He's been purposely lying to you about something so dumb for two years," one of them writes. "Is this a guy you really want to be with?" Read the rest of their answers.

How Can I Protect My Job After My Husband, Who's Also My Boss, Asked For A Divorce?

I am asking for advice about how to handle my impending divorce at work. I work at a large nonprofit in a specialist capacity that is a recognized priority for the company, but organizationally belongs to one of five departments…

My husband of 28 years has been employed at the nonprofit for 20 years, and during the last five he has been the head of the department I am in — my boss.

The organization has many married couples on all levels... My husband has previously given me worse conditions than others to avoid being accused of favoring me, to the point that the director had to step in…

Now my husband/head of department has asked for a divorce suddenly and unexpectedly, as he is having an affair with a colleague. The divorce is a great shock, made worse by the fact that our daughter is critically ill and faces a long, hard recovery.

My soon-to-be ex-husband has the power to cut my funding, lay me off, give negative feedback to the director about me, badmouth me, and make my life even harder than it is.

I normally have a good rapport with the director, but should I tell him about the divorce and illness or not? I wish to remain professional and private, but without telling him about the divorce I have no way of protecting myself from the persecution that I fear from my ex-husband... My priority is to keep my job, since finding a new one is next to impossible and I need the insurance for my daughter.

[Ask A Manager]

Alison Green points out, as she frequently does, that people in romantic relationships should never be allowed to manage each other. "You do need to tell the executive director about the divorce," she writes. "It's very unlikely not to affect things at work, and he'll need to be aware of that context." Read the rest of her answer.

Should I Elope So My Mom Will Stop Pressuring Me To Talk About Her Dead Parrot At My Wedding?

My mother had a beautiful parrot for over a decade until it died five years ago. Ever since then, I've gotten a monthly update about "Polly." (Think: "It's raining today. Polly always loved the rain," or "Happy Halloween, missing Polly.") I understand my mother's sadness at losing her pet and try to be supportive without letting our entire conversations be about Polly. My father chooses to do "whatever your mother needs" to grieve, which means their house is basically a Polly shrine and discussion of getting another pet is forbidden.

My fiancé and I plan to get married next summer, and my mother has already insisted someone mention Polly during my wedding. Originally, she wanted Polly mentioned in the formal speeches and among the family pictures at the reception, Polly-themed dessert and favors. I put my foot down and said my wedding will not become a bird funeral six years after the fact. My father told her she needs to tone down the Polly demands and told me I should do one small thing (he suggested Polly's photo incorporated into my mom's mother-of-the bride corsage). My fiancé privately laughs about the whole thing and says we should just elope anyway. I'm leaning toward eloping just to avoid dealing with my mom's bird grief on a day that's supposed to be about the love I have found with my fiancé. What do you think?

[Slate]

Danny M. Lavery opines that incorporating Polly into a corsage seems like a reasonable compromise but that eloping is also a fine option. "My strongest instinct here is that you should speak to your mother directly about this, rather than letting your father continue to act as go-between," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.

How Should I Deal With A Coworker Who Hoards Work And Makes Flyers Saying That She Is 'The Best' And 'A NICE PERSON'?

I work with a woman who, for some reason, is absolutely desperate to hoard all the work, all day, every day. "Geri" answers the phone on a half a ring. If something comes out of the fax, then she will run to get it before anyone else can. If you tell her that you're handling something, then she will pretend not to hear you and walk all over you and the work you've already put into the project. If she does not get her way, then she will cry and tell the boss that you are mistreating her…

Geri has been nasty to me since Day One. When I've told her I don't appreciate the way she treats me, she tells me that I'd better get used to it…

She also doesn't believe that she can ever make a mistake. If she does and you catch it, she will instantly blame someone else or say, "What's the big deal?"

She even has made flyers saying that "Geri is the best!" and "Geri is a NICE PERSON!" I can't wait till she passes them out!

I am at the end of my rope. I'd hate to quit because the days that she doesn't show up are pretty darn good. We laugh; we work; and, get this, we share.

The only time she is kind is when she wants something from you, whether it be knowledge or for you to pick her up some food or perhaps complete a task that she feels is beneath her. Please offer me some guidance. 

[Creators]

Annie Lane encourages the letter writer to disengage from the situation emotionally. "Clearly, Geri has some issues that didn't begin with you, and they won't end with you," she writes. "Acknowledging that might help you find some measure of peace with the situation." Read the rest of her answer.

Am I A Jerk For Telling My Black Friend I Think Violent Anti-Racist Protests Are Only Inviting More Violence? 

I ran into a friend in the lobby of our building. (I thought we were friends, anyway.) She is black; I am white. And protests over racist policing have been raging in our city. First, I made sure her teenage son was safe. I was worried after seeing news reports. (He's fine.) Then I told her I was sad to see the protests turn violent, that I sincerely believe violence and hatred only beget more of the same. At that point, she rolled her eyes, said she envied me and walked away. Did I do something wrong?

[The New York Times]

Philip Galanes, who is white, advises the letter writer to apologize to their friend for being insensitive. "Black communities have lived the experience of inequality for generations," he writes. "So, let's be quiet and try to hear what people of color tell us they need." Read the rest of his answer.

Was I Wrong To Ask My Husband To Delete Old Text Messages From His Late Wife?

I've been married five years, and I just discovered that my husband still has several text messages from his late wife. He thinks I shouldn't be upset about it. Am I wrong for asking him to delete them?

[UExpress]

Abigail Van Buren urges the letter writer not to try to compete with a dead person. "If the texts hold significance for him, let him have them," she writes. "You're his wife now, and that's what matters." Read the rest of her answer.

LV Anderson is the news editor at Grist and an advice column aficionado.

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