Am I Wrong To Feel Creeped Out After My Boyfriend's Mom Stole My Bras, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.
Am I Wrong To Feel Creeped Out After My Boyfriend's Mom Stole My Bras?
My boyfriend and I moved in with his mom and younger sibs after she lost her job and couldn't pay rent. None of the interior doors has a lock, as it is an old house. I have never gotten weird vibes from my boyfriend's mom, just the general introvert vs. extrovert clashes.
I require special bras so my back doesn't give out in pain three hours into a shift. My bras are custom-ordered, and the cheapest ones start at $200… Over the past months, several of my bras have gone missing. I would hand-wash them, go to work, and they would be gone when I came back. I honestly thought I was losing my mind or my boyfriend's teenage brother was stealing them. Only it turned out to be his mom. I noticed her bra strap as belonging to one of my favorites and confronted her — she took them because hers "broke" and she couldn't be bothered to go shopping. She didn't think it was a "big deal." We are "both girls." I hit the roof and cornered my boyfriend to get my bras back…
I guess I was too loud because my boyfriend's mother returned everything — unwashed — and has made uncomfortable remarks about my sensitivity. My boyfriend doesn't quite get it, and I feel like hitting my head against the wall… I really want to put a lock on our door now, and my boyfriend says I am being irrational. I feel like I have to put a clear sign about my boundaries because his mom went into our bathroom and stole my bras! I know it isn't sexual, but I am freaked out. Am I wrong?
[Slate]
Danny M. Lavery confirms that the boyfriend's mother's behavior is very creepy and that the letter writer isn't being "irrational" about it. "Even if these weren't expensive, custom-made pieces designed specifically to help you with your back pain, it would still be totally inappropriate for your boyfriend's mother to take them without asking," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.
Am I A Jerk For Permanently Deleting My Girlfriend's Instagram Account Without Her Knowledge?
My girlfriend [24F] and I [27M] have been dating for 5 years now. I don't have any social media — no facebook, instagram, twitter, snap etc. I am a private guy and like keeping my personal life to myself.
My girlfriend on the other hand, is obsessed with instagram. She has over 800 photos posted on instagram and is constantly scrolling through instagram every waking moment she's not working or sleeping. She would rather spend time attention-seeking from her 5000+ followers than spend some quality time with me.
I confronted her a few times about this in the last few years, and she always tells me she'll cut down on her instagram usage but she never did.
Last week she was using my laptop because her laptop was at the store and noticed she forgot to logout from her email. I did the forgot password thing and reset her password to log in. I googled "how to delete instagram" and followed the link and deleted the account.
She woke up the next morning and started screaming and crying about how I permanently "deleted" her instagram instead of "deactivating" it and that I betrayed her trust etc.
Now she won't talk to me because she says she can't recover instagram and her profile of 10 years is lost forever. I think she's being incredibly childish and throwing a tantrum over some random app.
Am I the asshole?
The commenters on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit overwhelmingly agree that the letter writer is the asshole. "Is this even a question?" one writes. "You were a dick and had no right to delete something of hers, regardless of how you feel about it." Read the rest of their answers.
Should I Continue Dating A Man Who Dreams Of Settling Down With Two Women?
I've been seeing this guy, "David," on and off for almost a year and a half and we have this long-distance relationship going on. This is my very first relationship, but he's been with a few women in the past. While we can't see each other as often as we'd like, I intend to fix that this fall semester, since I'll be transferring to a college that is closer to where he lives…
I think I love him. But sometimes when we talk, he reminds me that I'm not going to be the only woman in his life. He tells me that he plans to come home one day to children — and two women.
He says he would like to start seeing someone else while still dating me. Although it kind of breaks my heart, I'd still want to be in that relationship with him. I said I'd be there for him no matter what happens because I love him so much. And I said that I'm fine with another woman. But really, I don't think I am.
There are many great things about David: He does his "boyfriend duties." He's there for me when I'm sad, when I need to rant, when I just need to feel loved. We text each other a lot when we're both not too busy. I know he has work, and he works on recording music after work, which can make life pretty busy. So some days we don't talk to each other, which I totally understand.
I don't want to let go of him because he's become such a big part of my life already.
I want him to be happy and achieve his dream of living with two women, so I wouldn't mind if another woman is involved. And if it ever got to be too much for me, I could just leave him (and take any children we have with me and be a single mom), right?
I don't know what I really feel. I want to be with him, but I don't want to fight for his attention. Am I selfish in a way for wanting my man to myself, to not have to share him with another woman? What should I do?
[Creators]
Annie Lane tells the letter writer in no uncertain terms that this relationship is doomed. "Break it off, and the sooner the better," she writes. "You'll feel lonely for a little while, but not nearly as lonely as you would beside someone who can never love you the way that you need." Read the rest of her answer.
Was It Okay For My Company To Send Employees N95 Masks And Then Ask For A 'Heartfelt Thank-You'?
My brain has kept gravitating to this email I received late last week from the head of HR at my company. About two weeks ago, our company sent out complimentary N95 masks to our homes, which was very nice of them.
Our HR head emailed to notify us of fun virtual competitions to help heighten morale for a few minutes during this craziness. The first two contests seemed light-hearted and included being the first to send a picture with your mask on or taking a creative pic with your mask. But the last one rubbed me the wrong way. She said the final prize will to someone who submits a photo using the mask while incorporating a "heartfelt thank-you" to the executive team, since they mailed them to our home at no cost and didn't sell them.
I am not overly fond of the idea of selling masks because I don't think you should capitalize on a crisis. I disagree that my company deserves a pat on the back for not selling them to us. They do deserve praise for thinking about our health, but sending an email asking for thanks that these masks weren't sold to us just seems ... tacky? It seems like they want the recognition and are forcing it upon us which makes me very uncomfortable.
Alison Green rules that the letter writer's company is being very tone-deaf. "If you're in the U.S., there's another problem here, which is that there's a serious shortage of N95 masks for health care workers, who need them far more than people who are working from home (as opposed to the more common fabric masks)," she adds. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Stop Thinking About My Mother-In-Law During Sex With My Wife?
Although I have been happily married to my wife for three years, from the beginning I have been sexually attracted to my mother-in-law. She is a fantastic woman in her 50s and looks almost like my wife, but more beautiful. We live in the same area and we see each other two or three times a week. I have sex with my wife almost every day and it is great, but for the past few months, I can't help but think of my mother-in-law during sex. I feel guilty about it. Please help me.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly posits that the taboo nature of the letter writer's attraction is fueling its intensity. "Your fantasies are your own, though, and this one is harmless enough as long as you are not planning to act it out," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Can I Write A Letter To A Couple I've Never Met Asking Them To Stop Smoking In Their Home?
Since our stay-at-home order, I've had to change my running patterns. I now run past a residential garage at 7 a.m. Inside, an elderly couple smokes and runs a fan that blows cigarette smoke onto the sidewalk. I try to remember to run on the other side of the street, but I often forget. I think it's outrageous that I'm forced to breathe in secondhand smoke! Should I write the couple a letter asking them to stop?
Philip Galanes advises the letter writer not to write the letter. "Absent a law (or homeowner rule) that forbids smoking on the property, the couple is probably free to do so, and the inconvenience to you seems minor," he observes. Read the rest of his answer.