Was It Mean To Pretend I Wanted To Kiss A Friend I Know Has A Crush On Me, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.
Was It Mean To Pretend I Wanted To Kiss A Friend I Know Has A Crush On Me, As A Prank?
I'm really good friends with this guy (we're both 20) and we pull little pranks on each other all the time. We both started working at the same place so we see each other a lot more.
Around early February we were hanging out one night and he got very drunk (he normally doesn't get that drunk). He started awkwardly confessing his crush and telling me how much I mean to him etc. I thought he was just messing around but he said the same things the next day fully sober. I told him that I'm not interested and he didn't look very upset…
On Valentine's Day we were on our lunch break and I told him that we needed to talk.I told him that I really thought about his confession the other night and wanted to tell him something important since it's Vday. He panicked and asked if I'm serious. I said yeah and asked if he wants a kiss. EVERYBODY knows that it's the oldest and lamest trick in the world. But he fell for it HARD and got soooo excited. He was actually about to kiss me but then I pulled a Hershey's Kiss chocolate out my pocket and offered it. At first he didn't get it but then he understood. He didn't speak to me for the rest of our shift. I told him to lighten up but he straight up ignored me. When we texted later that night he was giving me 1 word answers. I personally think that's an overreaction.
After that day he stopped hanging out with our friend group and barely texted anybody. Two weeks went by and our friends got really concerned. I told them about the incident and they started roasting me hard. I have never received so much shit for something so little…
He hasn't talked to me at all since that day. I'm pretty sure he forgot about it by now. So am I the bad guy?
The commenters on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit agree that the letter writer's prank was very mean. "It was cruel to begin with (like, stereotypical-bully-in-every-high-school-movie level cruel), and you never even had the decency to apologize," writes one. Read the rest of their answers.
Should I Warn My Pregnant Girlfriend I'm Not Going To Co-Parent If She Doesn't Give Our Baby Up For Adoption?
I'm kind of freaked out about my girlfriend's unplanned pregnancy. She was planning to have an abortion, but she backed out. Now she is saying she can't go through with it and will have the baby and give it up for adoption. I think this is all due to her mom working on her emotions. She should never have told her mom, and I am secretly mad she did. Even though they are very close, she should have kept this to herself.
I am not ready to be a father and was very clear on that to my girlfriend. I'm worried she will change her mind again and keep the baby and I will be stuck. She's really emotional and confused right now but all I can see is that she's going to ruin our lives because her mom stuck her nose in where it didn't belong.
How do I support my girlfriend through this pregnancy, which I want to do, while still making it clear I am not on board with being a father? I will pay the child support for 18 years but that's all I'm willing to do. I'm not going to be a father to a child because we got drunk and had unprotected sex one time. Should I lay this all on the line now? Waiting to see if she actually does give the baby up seems too risky.
Carolyn Hax urges the letter writer to stop blaming his girlfriend and her mother for the situation he's in. "You made the choices that got you here, just as your girlfriend made hers, and so now both of you need to work together to figure out what would offer the best possible outcome for all involved, eventual baby included," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Is My Wife Right That I Should Stop Wearing Makeup And Jewelry If We Have A Kid?
My wife and I are both cis women; we've been together for 10 years and married for three. I've always been very "girly" and feminine, and I enjoy makeup and jewelry. We've been talking about having a child recently, and my wife commented that she'd be uncomfortable raising a daughter with me because of my "stereotypical" image and presentation. She's asked me to stop wearing makeup and keep my jewelry minimal because I look "anti-feminist." I'm really hurt. Please help.
[Slate]
Danny M. Lavery rules that the letter writer's wife's comments were ridiculous and insulting. "Your enjoyment of makeup was apparently fine when she was just looking for a girlfriend, but now that you're on the verge of Sacred Motherhood, it's a compromise of your principles?" he asks. Read the rest of his answer.
Was It Unfair For My Sister's Company To Exclude My Sister From My Job Interview After I Applied To Work For Her?
I went for an interview last week for a role that would mean working directly for my sister. I declared on my application form that I was related to her, and when she saw that I had applied, she also declared our relationship. I fit all of the essential and desirable criteria and I was invited for an interview. I was informed via email that the interview panel would include my sister.
Upon arrival at the interview, just as I was sitting down, I was informed that my sister would not be part of my interview in order to "protect the integrity of the process." She was, however, present for the interviews of every other candidate.
I believe that I was treated completely unfairly because of who I am and neither of us were given the opportunity to show that we can separate personal from professional. She would have been the third panel member had she been included in my interview, so surely any accusations of nepotism could have been easily quashed simply by the fact that there were two other people in the interview who did not know me, and a balanced view could have been obtained by all three.
I know it isn't discrimination in the sense of me having a protected characteristic, but it does feel like discrimination as I was treated differently to all the other candidates and not given an opportunity to show my professional self to my sister. We don't discuss work, ever, and so she really doesn't know my work persona.
Alison Green opines that the letter writer shouldn't have been considered for the job in the first place. "Most companies have policies against working for close family members, because the potential for bias and conflict of interest (or the appearance of those things) is too great," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Should My Toddler Have Cosmetic Surgery Now That I've Noticed His Head Is Shaped Kind Of Weird?
I have two adorable kids. My youngest is turning 2 next month, and when we recently went to visit his grandparents, they were shocked by the shape of his head. My baby's head is longer from the back and there is a big flat spot in the crown area.
After the trip, I took him to the pediatrician who confirmed that he does have a wonky head shape, but there is nothing that can be done. Needless to say I am furious at the doctor who only had the courtesy to inform me of this after I brought the issue to him and when it's already too late.
Since my eyes have been opened, I am having constant anxiety attacks. I stare at his head all day long. I've spoken to few of my friends who've confirmed that his head shape is weird but comforted me it'll get better.
I am living a parent's worst nightmare and constantly beat myself up. My husband is quiet about the issue, but I know he's worried too. I don't know what to do. I wish someone had alerted me when my toddler was a baby and I had taken appropriate steps timely. Would my child blame me of neglect when he grows up? I am even considering surgery as an option, as extreme as it sounds.
[Slate]
Rumaan Alam informs the letter writer this is not actually most parents' worst nightmare. "I do not think your son is going to blame you for neglect over the shape of his head," he writes. "In fact, I bet he barely even notices it, as you yourself seem not to have for the past two years." Read the rest of his answer.
Can I Ask My Daughter Not To Call Me 'Mom' In Public?
I'm a beautiful 77-year-old woman in excellent health who has fun traveling internationally. I will soon be taking my oldest daughter to Europe at my expense because I want a companion.
I'm 19 years older than she is. She also is in great health and has a fun-loving personality. We look like sisters and have fun together wherever we go. However, I don't want her to call me "Mom" while we are out in public places. Can I ask her not to call me that?
She is stubborn and always has been, but I love her and want her around while I'm traveling, rather than friends. She's single, but I'm not. My husband can't go because of health issues.
I need my daughter to go with me. Can you give me some ideas on how to approach her to not call me "Mom" in public? What if she refuses to go with me?
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren notes that the letter is all about the letter writer's desires, not her daughter's. "You can ask her not to call you 'Mom,' but whether she will agree and won't forget to not address you that way is anyone's guess," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.