Should I Tell My Wife I've Never Been Attracted To Her, And Other Advice Column Questions
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There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.

Should I Continue CCing The CEO Of My Large Company When I Email My Colleagues?

I work for a company of 10,000+ people within customer service. At my office, there are a lot of people who don't respond to my emails and those that do sometimes take days.

This has been frustrating me recently. If I need a certain document/etc, I have to practically chase down the person to get it. Given that most of us are now working from home, this has made the problem worse. I decided to start including the Chairman/CEO of our company on all emails to coworkers who either never respond/or are very slow.

To give some examples, IT is usually slow so when I had an issue with my laptop last week, I included the CEO on it. There was another case where a customer had a question that I didn't know the answer to, so I told the customer I'd get back to him and emailed the coworker (as well as CC'd in the CEO) my question. I've only been doing this for a week but the response rate has been fantastic.

My supervisor called me up and told me to stop doing this, and I explained the problem to him. He nonetheless still told me to stop and I agreed to it. However, I am planning on resuming if my coworkers start ignoring me again. I haven't gotten a response from the CEO either so I don't think it's really a big deal?

[Reddit via Twitter]

The commenters on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit vote that the letter writer is in the wrong. "Your supervisor is the one you should be cc'ing, not the CEO," one of them writes. "You're making yourself look like an idiot, as well as your boss." Read the rest of their answers.

Should I Tell HR Zoom Sent Me A Chat Transcript Where My Coworkers Made Fun Of My Weight?

I recently hosted a Zoom call for my work team. At the end of the call, I was sent the transcript for the meeting's group chat, as it contained some important notes. I was also accidentally sent the transcript for a private chat between my co-workers "Lisa" and "Natalie." I thought we were on good terms. We've grabbed drinks outside of work and exchanged holiday cards last year. But during that brief chat, Lisa told Natalie it looked like I'd eaten "all of [my] quarantine food already." She added that if she ever weighed as much as I did, she'd kill herself. Natalie replied with laughing emojis. While I'm not sensitive about my weight, these comments gutted me. I feel humiliated and wish I'd never seen them. I've subsequently had a brief "Enjoy your weekend!" message from Natalie. I don't think either of them realizes I saw their chat transcript. I'm hesitant to contact HR because a) I dread other people seeing the transcript, b) I hate conflict and disruption, and c) I don't want Lisa and Natalie to lose their jobs. But I don't know how to move forward without addressing this. Should I go to HR?

[Slate] 

Danny M. Lavery encourages the letter writer to tell HR and their boss about what happened. "You have a right to expect your colleagues to treat you with dignity and respect, and this degrading, dehumanizing insult makes working together extremely difficult, if not impossible," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.

Was I Wrong For Telling My Boyfriend I Wish He'd Wear Clothes In Front Of His Family?

My boyfriend is 22 and ever since I have known him, he has been very comfortable being naked or semi-naked in front of his family, which consists of his older sister and his mother. We have been dating for two years and I live with my parents. A while back I pointed out how odd it was that he was comfortable being buck nude in front of his family, since I had grown up wearing clothes in the house… Since the quarantine started, my boyfriend has barely put on boxers and will laze around in a towel for a whole day. He doesn't even get dressed for college classes and will Zoom in the buff with the camera off, even for one-on-one meetings with professors, which is super unprofessional to me.

Since I pointed out to him that his nudeness was out of the ordinary, he has quizzed his friends about whether they wore clothes at home and was astounded to find that all of them did. He finally asked his family whether they felt uncomfortable seeing him nude and they admitted that "they wished he would wear more clothes." I told him that I agreed with them… I told him that I would respect my family's wishes if I were making them uncomfortable. He got mad at me for expressing all of this and told me that I made him seem like a pervert who was forcing himself on his family.

Am I in the wrong? Am I body policing him? 

[Dear Wendy]

Wendy Atterberry says that the letter writer isn't in the wrong but that she should own her opinion instead of pinning it on her boyfriend's family. "One of the best things you can do for yourself as a 22-year-old young woman is learn how to assertively express yourself, to take ownership of your feelings and to express them confidently not just when you know other people share your thoughts and feelings but even when they don't," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

Was It Unreasonable To Expect Our Friend To Comfort Us When She Had COVID-19 Symptoms?

My wife and I have been friends with "Sandy" and "Keith" for years. We truly consider them to be family.

A few weeks ago, my wife and I had a miscarriage, which deeply impacted my faith.

My wife was upset and confused by my reaction and wanted to talk with our closest friends about it.

Sandy and Keith said that we could come to their house to meet with them. When we were getting ready to leave, they called and said that Sandy wouldn't be able to talk because she wasn't feeling well. She had flu symptoms and was worried she might have COVID-19.

My wife really wanted Sandy's guidance. We reiterated how important our issue was. We understood that Sandy was sick, but we were willing to get sick ourselves in order to talk with them both.

Sandy wouldn't budge, and we ended up seeking help elsewhere.

Over the course of the following week my wife texted Sandy that we were offended that she was not willing to meet with us. Sandy insisted that she felt "burned out" by help she gave to others, in addition to being sick. We felt that the deep need we had should override her other concerns…

Are we unreasonable to expect Sandy to meet with us during our personal emergency? Shouldn't we expect family to be there when we are experiencing personal crisis?

[Tribune Content Agency]

Amy Dickinson calls out the selfishness of the letter writer's willingness to get COVID-19 and then potentially pass it on to others. "When people who love you say they can't help you, you should respect their choice, even if you feel let down," she writes. "You should understand that they may also be hurting, or flawed, and you should work harder to understand them." Read the rest of her answer.

Should I Tell My Wife I Have Never Been Attracted To Her?

I was raised in a religious home and didn't lose my virginity until the embarrassing age of 26. I was told by the church to save it for marriage and I was a virgin until met the woman who would become my wife at a party. I said to hell with it, we had a one-night stand, and we've been together now for eight years. I'm tall and slim and my wife is short and heavy. Like an idiot I believed it's what's on the inside that matters.  My wife is the sweetest, most thoughtful person I've ever met, I love spending time with her, but I have absolutely no sexual attraction to her. As a result, I've all but stopped initiating sex and on the rare occasion when we do make love I make her come twice while I'm struggling just to get off.

I know it's shallow and I know beauty is only skin deep but what am I supposed to do when seeing my wife naked sends me into an anxiety attack? When I'm helping out with laundry, I get bummed because there's nothing in her wardrobe I find attractive on her. Even when I look at old pictures of us together I get extremely depressed because I know this is the best she's ever going to look. It doesn't help that she finds me handsome and regularly tells me so.

It's gotten to the point where I find any woman who isn't my wife desirable. (Including, but not limited to, her family and friends.) I should also mention that she has no interest in having an open relationship or threesome because she prefers having me "all to herself." I don't want to ask her to change because she's perfectly happy with herself but I'm becoming increasingly resentful. What do I do? How do I tell her? And is there any way I can come out of this a good husband?

[The Stranger]

Dan Savage urges the letter writer to file for divorce so his wife can find someone who's genuinely attracted to her. "Your wife is gonna want to know why you're leaving her — of course she is — but you're not going to tell her the real reason," he writes. "You're going to make something up." Read the rest of his answer.

Shouldn't My Neighbors Put Up A Fence If They Want Me To Stop Jumping On Their Trampoline?

I like to jump on our neighbors' trampoline when they're out of town. I have been doing it for decades. Normally it's no big deal, but last weekend they returned home earlier than usual and caught me in the act. Now my wife is ashamed to show her face around the neighborhood, and she's blaming me for the whole thing. Abby, I have a simple solution to this mess. If the neighbors don't want me jumping on their trampoline, they should cough up the money for a privacy fence. Don't you agree?

[UExpress]

Abigail Van Buren agrees that a fence is a good idea but offers a simpler solution to the letter writer's problem. "If you are so jumpy and can't keep your feet on the ground, it may be time to buy your own trampoline, which would save your wife a world of embarrassment," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

LV Anderson is the news editor at Grist and an advice column aficionado.

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