Should My Wife And I Have A Threesome With Her Brother, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Should My Wife And I Have A Threesome With Her Brother?
My wife and I have been in an open marriage for five years...
For as long as I have known her, my wife has been interested in "incest" role play. While it isn't my cup of tea exactly, I have been willing and happy to support her in her exploration of this kind of fantasy and role-play…
Recently, though, things have started to move in an uncomfortable direction for me. My wife is very close with her older brother, who is also bi, and with whom we often speak very openly about sex and sexuality. A few nights ago, and after a few drinks, my wife got to talking fairly explicitly about some of the "family" role-playing that she and I are into, and her brother — who I thought would be kinda horrified — was not only entirely supportive, but vaguely expressed interest in exploring this kink with us. When we got home, I expected my wife to make it clear that her brother ever joining us in the bedroom was entirely off the table, but instead she seemed to think it was a really good idea. In principle I don't have a problem with the idea. While, like I said, I am not that into the "incest" element of my wife's (and, I guess, her brother's) fantasy, I am happy to play along if it makes her (and him) happy. My wife and I have also enjoyed group sex, and so that isn't the problem either. I guess at bottom, I am just worried about how this could affect my relationship with my brother-in-law. Is there a way for me to make this happen, without it getting weird?
[Slate]
Rich Juzwiak discourages the letter writer from pursuing sex with his wife and her brother. "One of the nice things about no-strings sex, besides the sex, is the lack of strings," he writes. "Doing incest with your wife introduces not just strings but a potential tangle of them. It's courting drama." Read the rest of his answer.
How Can I Get My Former Coworker's Mom To Stop Calling Me Every Day?
Years ago, I was friendly with a man from work who was very close to his mom. She came along with us once for lunch and ended up really liking me. From that point on, whenever he and I would get together for lunch, she would tag along.
At one point, without my permission, he gave her my phone number, and she began calling me. A little has turned into a lot. She contacts me every day via text or phone, almost always to complain about something in her life. She always wants to get together for lunch and is constantly asking me for favors, including rides to work (we do not have the same job or the same hours) or taking care of her dogs and cats while she's away on her various work trips.
I no longer speak to the man, but I speak to his mother every single day. She considers me a dear friend and is a very sensitive person with obvious abandonment issues. My problem is, I have zero desire to be this woman's friend… I get together with her, respond to her messages, answer her calls and do favors for her out of guilt, not wanting to be yet another person who kicks her to the curb.
How do I handle this?
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren suggests slowly disengaging from the friendship. "Screen your calls and resist the impulse to be so helpful," she writes. "It's all right to have other plans you need to attend to instead of being at her beck and call every day." Read the rest of her answer.
Can I Make Cupcakes For One Of My Employees' Birthdays But Not The Other?
In the middle of last year, I was promoted to manager of a small department. At the time it was just me and one other person, Fergus, but we've since added one more, Bob, to the team. Fergus has been at the company longer than I have, and we've become fairly friendly over my time here. For every birthday of his that I've been with the company, I've baked a treat (think cupcakes, nothing crazy extravagant) to share with everyone. It's also good to know that I'm a hobby baker, and at various other times I've brought in treats to celebrate other coworkers' birthdays or just because I wanted to try a new recipe.
Fergus's birthday is coming up soon, and it will be his first since I've been promoted to managing him. Bob's birthday is a few months away. Bob and I have a good professional relationship, but our personal one is not at a level where I would feel moved to make the effort to make something for his birthday. Would it be inappropriate to make something for Fergus' day but not for Bob's, since they are both my direct reports? My desire to make something for Fergus has always stemmed from our personal relationship, not our professional one.
Alison Green strongly urges the letter writer to bake cupcakes for both employees or for neither. "You can't do anything that would make a reasonable person think you favor Fergus — and baking cupcakes for him but not Bob would definitely do that," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Make My Boyfriend More Comfortable With The Fact That I Laugh Hysterically During Sex?
I am a 37-year-old woman and have been with my partner for 10 months. My boyfriend and I enjoy an active sex life and we are deeply in love. I don't see it as a problem, but recently, every time I have an orgasm, I experience manic fits of laughter. I have never experienced this before but, equally I have never orgasmed so hard before, either. My boyfriend finds this amusing, but then struggles to climax, so I think he is baffled by the whole thing. I am worried this will become an issue. What do you advise?
Pamela Stephenson Connolly notes that spontaneous laughter is far less worrisome than some of the other physical symptoms that have been reported during sex. "I would simply recommend that you tell your boyfriend that you truly appreciate the orgasms you are having with him, and that the intensity of them seems to have triggered a response that is new for you: spontaneous laughter," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Is It Polite To Call A Server 'Missy'?
My boyfriend and I had a disagreement: He called our waitress "missy" and asked her how much she wanted for a tip.
I later asked him why he did that. He said that "missy" is the same as "miss" or "ma'am," and that it's also polite to make sure your tip is adequate with the server.
Is this true? I've never heard either before.
[UExpress]
Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin rule that the letter writer's boyfriend was being rude. "'Missy' should never be used — except, on occasion, with one's own mouthy teenager (as in, 'Would you like to try that again, but without the attitude, missy?')," they write. Read the rest of their answer.
Why Haven't My Siblings Congratulated Me On The Fact That I Am Going To Be A Grandmother?
My siblings found out through an email from their nephew (my son) that I am going to be a grandmother.
I was away at the time, having just found out myself.
They all emailed their nephew to offer congratulations.
It is now four days later and not one of them has contacted me to congratulate me about the fact that I am going to be a grandmother.
We otherwise have regular communication.
Am I being over-sensitive, or are they being insensitive?
Amy Dickinson rules that the letter writer is being overly sensitive. "Being a grandparent is a grand opportunity to become more expansive and generous, and please, less sensitive," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.