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Everybody kills Hitler on their first trip

abyssandapex.com — International Association of Time Travelers: Members' Forum Subforum: Europe

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  • nekitip, on 03/20/2008, -20/+7 11/15/2104
    At 14:52:28, FreedomFighter69 wrote:
    Reporting my first temporal excursion since joining IATT: have just returned from 1936 Berlin, having taken the place of one of Leni Riefenstahl's cameramen and assassinated Adolf Hitler during the opening of the Olympic Games. Let a free world rejoice!
    At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.
    At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
    Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?
    At 18:33:10, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Easy for you to say, BigChill, since to my recollection you've never volunteered to go back and fix it. You think I've got nothing better to do?
  • stejules, on 03/20/2008, -22/+3Nice caught really great, have posted it via http://twitxr.com/stejules/ directly to your Digg! ;D
    Greetinx
    Ste
    Watch out http://twitter.com/stejules in DaColoss ;O!
    Carthago delenda est!
  • canewediggit, on 03/20/2008, -3/+383/18/20
    at 17:04, canewediggit wrote:
    josh42042 i hope you don't mind, i traveled back 12 years and stole your excellent digg submission. oh, and i killed hitler too.
    • gbarberi, on 03/20/2008, -1/+11I went back 13, so you both just duped me.

      Oh, and yes, I killed Hitler too.
  • Elliottx, on 03/20/2008, -18/+6If this was a video game - Awesome
    If this is a forum - ......Not so awesome... -_-

    Seriously..there are no words to describe how sorry I feel for these "Time Travellers" xD
    • alexdeeley, on 03/20/2008, -0/+8It's a short story.
    • purplehaze420, on 03/20/2008, -0/+2I feel sorry for your article-skimming skillz - not very adept
  • TheAngryMob, on 03/20/2008, -1/+57You have to admit, if Time Travel ever comes into being, this is *exactly* what it will be like. Are we ready for the AOLers of Time Travel?
    • SohailKhanifar, on 03/20/2008, -1/+13Surely if time travel occurs in the future, Hitler wouldn't have existed. But then again, we would have never known that hitler had existed so we can't say that.

      I'm so confused.
      • DangerMouse9, on 03/20/2008, -0/+2That depends on what happens with time travel, would it be like the Back to the Future version, where you may alter history and then end up on a new branch, while the rest of us continue on the path of what is? Or, would everyone's future change? If everyone's future would change, then nothing can change.

        Instead of worrying about stopping the tyrants from the past, why not spend time stopping the tyrants of the present?
  • xTRUMANx, on 03/20/2008, -4/+7Dude, this is insane. Quick, someone give me a lil background on what's this all about. The final traveler was an idiot.
  • Checkerd, on 03/20/2008, -7/+41What the ***** did I just read?
  • ctenn2ls, on 03/20/2008, -5/+16It's satire...*facepalm*
  • DesignEx, on 03/20/2008, -2/+24I submitted this story, as you, in the future!

    Seriously, this is what I saw when I clicked this story...
    http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/4738/hitlerzp3. ...
    • expert01, on 03/20/2008, -2/+1I could do that in a few minutes with paint
  • GangsterCompute, on 03/20/2008, -5/+35This was a great submission; dugg for creativity's sake.
    • flashdrivecoup, on 03/20/2008, -0/+2Right on. It's nice to see a medium usually dismissed as inane banter used with wit
    • flashdrivecoup, on 03/20/2008, -1/+2Right on. It's nice to see a medium usually dismissed as inane banter used with wit
  • plur, on 03/20/2008, -12/+4 At 18:56:09, AsianAvenger wrote:
    What gives is everyone's repeated insistence on a course of action which, even if successful, would only save a few million Europeans. It would be no more trouble to travel to Fuyuanshui, China, in 1814 and kill Hong Xiuquan, thus preventing the Taiping Rebellion of the mid–nineteenth century and saving fifty million lives in the process. But, hey, what are fifty million yellow devils more or less, right, guys? We've got Poles and Frenchmen to worry about.
    At 20:07:25, Big Chill wrote:
    Go for it, man.
    At 20:11:31, AsianAvenger wrote:
    Very well. I shall return in mere moments, the savior of millions!
    At 17:15:32, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Okay, apparently AsianAvenger was descended from Hong Xiuquan. Any volunteers to go back and stop him from negating his own existence?
  • EmitStop, on 03/20/2008, -1/+22Good to know that "WTF" will still be commonly used in 100 years.
  • Schizotypal, on 03/20/2008, -2/+10Don't worry. I went back and convinced the author of IATT Bulletin 1147 that it would be a much better idea to go get some beers and hit on chicks than write some silly bulletin.
    • lotsa1s, on 03/20/2008, -1/+0You're a digg member. Don't be hypocritical.
  • Shabow, on 03/20/2008, -8/+6No Bush?
    • DangerMouse9, on 03/20/2008, -0/+0If any of those guys got bush without paying for it, I'd be surprised.
  • d3nnisbest, on 03/20/2008, -1/+19*COMMENT DELETED* (by future me)
    • shaneagraves, on 03/20/2008, -8/+1Was it really necessary for a future version of yourself (a 120 second future self at max) to delete the comment when you could have more easily done it with your present self by simply editing it?

      I'm just saying... that's an awful lot of work for something so easily remedied in the present...

      I dugg you up anyways for the effort. :-)
  • onetimer, on 03/20/2008, -1/+25Related: http://www.viruscomix.com/page382.html
    • sgregory416, on 03/20/2008, -1/+0hehe, you must be freedomfighter69 huh?
  • Arakcheev, on 03/20/2008, -2/+1Mirror?
  • MrViklund, on 03/20/2008, -4/+2ROFL
  • jimbo92107, on 03/20/2008, -3/+1God help us if AOL'ers ever get hold of my...er, a time travel machine.
  • sgregory416, on 03/20/2008, -1/+14DUGG DUGG DUGG! i applaud you. whoever wrote this. freaking hilarious! i love the ending. great job!
  • MyDiggIsBig, on 03/20/2008, -12/+5I went back and banged Hitler's mom. so that means i am now his father. And then i will fight him and cut off his hand with a lightsaber and reveal myself as his father. then i will have him suck my penis.
    • DangerMouse9, on 03/20/2008, -0/+1I applaud your clever blend of your own personal life with the story of Star Wars. Bravo!
  • Vodka2389, on 03/20/2008, -6/+11I'd beat up Gandhi.
    • DangerMouse9, on 03/20/2008, -1/+0He'd go down without a fight, then you could make him eat a ham sandwich.
  • BenKenobi88, on 03/20/2008, -2/+1mirror?
  • unpolloloco, on 03/20/2008, -1/+9i think they need to go back in time and upgrade their servers...........
  • Lorddias, on 03/20/2008, -1/+9Looks like Digg killed the site on its first trip.
  • puma, on 03/20/2008, -9/+3what the hell is this
  • uriman, on 03/20/2008, -4/+42I went back to smoke a bong with Jesus. Then we started to make up all this crazy funny *****. I hope no one wrote that ***** down.
    • Wootstapler, on 03/20/2008, -10/+2Jesus doesn't exist though.
      • supermanred, on 03/20/2008, -2/+6The man existed. Maybe he didn't have super powers, but he did exist.
  • Thuryn, on 03/20/2008, -3/+1Really good story!
  • crash331, on 03/20/2008, -1/+4http://duggmirror.com
  • prosperolt, on 03/20/2008, -3/+0So who's going back in time to take out josh42042?
  • WaxenPith, on 03/20/2008, -10/+0Fiction like this is pointless....I guess a bunch of people who posts on forums don't have much to do...
    • onetimer, on 03/20/2008, -0/+5...One could say the exact same thing about the comment you just left...
    • DangerMouse9, on 03/20/2008, -0/+4like fail to see the irony in your post.
  • VivaLaHaHa, on 03/20/2008, -1/+0Why kill Hitler, when you could go back in time and be your own grandfather...Fry style!
  • 6minuteabs, on 03/20/2008, -2/+1A certain president of Iran would probably go back and shake his hand.
  • Pake, on 03/20/2008, -3/+2Kill Hitler? Seriously, that's lame. Why not just kill Archduke Franz Ferdinand before his assassination or kill Gavrilo Princip before he assassinates Ferdinand. That right there kills two birds with one stone: WWI and WWII as we know it. In it's place would however be a new WWI, since it would have been nearly impossible to avoid anyways. Either that or just rape Hitler and give him something to really bitch about.
  • stephenwq, on 03/20/2008, -0/+8If you kill hitler, then Russia will invade Europe instead!

    (red alert 1 anyone?)
  • watchfordog, on 03/20/2008, -2/+3this is bull #$%^, we all know Steve Jobs has the only time machine! All the stuff Apple makes is ahead of it's time, literally.
    • DangerMouse9, on 03/20/2008, -3/+2You are so ***** right, because no one knew what an MP3 player was before the iPod came along. And hell, no one thought to combine a camera/phone/AND mp3 player together into one device before the iPhone.

      If you weren't so busy sucking Steve Jobs/Apple's proveribal *****, you'd see that their products aren't ahead of their time (if they were, they'd have failed and someone else would have made them marketable 5-10 years later). No, they are not the innovators, they are with the current time.

      Popular and successful does not make a product ahead of it's time.
  • SpookyDIGG, on 03/20/2008, -3/+6hmmm here is an idea for a game:

    Type: MMO

    Players start as understudies in time travel, completing tasks to gain knowledge and skills towards becoming Time travelers , on one faction its about upsetting the time line to make a "better" world, the other faction is more concerned with keeping it the same.
    At lvl 10 the players get the first jumps into alternate time lines that are cause by NPC affairs, later as the skills progress and the tasks and time line excursions become more advanced, players affect the world around them, causing major changes these events take more then one player to conduct, more like 5, 10 or more (see where I am going)

    Classes:
    Slipper - sleek warrior utilizes short jumps in space and time to sneak up on enemies
    Quanta - Bender of the environment around them, can cause effects of age and elemental changes to disrupt an enemy
    Infinitum - User of a multitude of enhanced quantum weapons

    etc....


    • celtickuja, on 03/20/2008, -1/+6Damn...
      How long have you been waiting for an appropriate story to bust that one out?

      Seriously though, sounds interesting. I'd play.
    • DangerMouse9, on 03/20/2008, -1/+0I hope you don't plan on having more than a handful of people playing the game, ever. Changing things about MMOs that can only be changed by a small handful of ppl and only changed once would not be a fun game for those that weren't playing the game 24/7.

      You really couldn't have major events be changed, but you could have mini-quests where you and your party could go change the NPCs history and that would affect your alignment/whatever with them.

      Otherwise, if you want major changes, it would have to be a single player experience, or a mini-episode that resets each time (think a deathmatch in any FPS, where one person can do the same history change many times depending on who's serving the game).
    • MonkCanatella, on 04/12/2008, -0/+1I actually think it sounds pretty awesome if it you ever followed up with it.
  • TheLastFreeMan, on 03/20/2008, -0/+7Nobody makes their first jump.
  • rand21althor, on 03/20/2008, -0/+2Let's make sure they don't find the TARDIS, okay?
  • whatthefu, on 03/20/2008, -0/+2If we go back in time and remove Hitler, imagine how different the world would be today. It's weird to imagine.
    • expert01, on 03/20/2008, -0/+1Or... if we never had the revolution... wonder if we would all have British accents
  • spacefaced, on 03/20/2008, -0/+4they'd still have rocketry, computers, etc. if they killed Hitler.
    • napinsa, on 03/21/2008, -0/+3Are you in fact a time traveler that has tested this?
    • GOJOE, on 04/12/2008, -0/+2man the grammer involved with talking to a time traveller would just kill. Are you in fact a time travler that has (will?) test(ed?) this
  • BlaenkDenum, on 03/20/2008, -0/+4Imagine if time was revision controlled and the people in the future who sculpted it had edit wars similar to those in wikipedia, or nuke disputes as in the scene.
  • wiretransfer, on 03/20/2008, -0/+1Pure awesome. Impressive.
  • josh42042, on 03/20/2008, -2/+1for posterity

    International Association of Time Travelers: Members' Forum Subforum: Europe – Twentieth Century – Second World War
    Page 263

    11/15/2104
    At 14:52:28, FreedomFighter69 wrote:
    Reporting my first temporal excursion since joining IATT: have just returned from 1936 Berlin, having taken the place of one of Leni Riefenstahl's cameramen and assassinated Adolf Hitler during the opening of the Olympic Games. Let a free world rejoice!

    At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.

    At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
    Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?

    At 18:33:10, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Easy for you to say, BigChill, since to my recollection you've never volunteered to go back and fix it. You think I've got nothing better to do?

    11/16/2104
    At 10:15:44, JudgeDoom wrote:
    Good news! I just left a French battlefield in October 1916, where I shot dead a young Bavarian Army messenger named Adolf Hitler! Not bad for my first time, no? Sic semper tyrannis!

    At 10:22:53, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Back from 1916 France I come, having at the last possible second prevented Hitler's early demise at the hands of JudgeDoom and, incredibly, restrained myself from shooting JudgeDoom and sparing us all years of correcting his misguided antics. READ BULLETIN 1147, PEOPLE!

    At 15:41:18, BarracksRoomLawyer wrote:
    Point of order: issues related to Hitler's service in the Bavarian Army ought to go in the World War I forum.

    11/21/2104
    At 02:21:30, SneakyPete wrote:
    Vienna, 1907: after numerous attempts, have infiltrated the Academy of Fine Arts and facilitated Adolf Hitler's admission to that institution. Goodbye, Hitler the dictator; hello, Hitler the modestly successful landscape artist! Brought back a few of his paintings as well, any buyers?

    At 02:29:17, SilverFox316 wrote:
    All right; that's it. Having just returned from 1907 Vienna where I secured the expulsion of Hitler from the Academy by means of an elaborate prank involving the Prefect, a goat, and a substantial quantity of olive oil, I now turn my attention to our newer brethren, who, despite rules to the contrary, seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny, and here I'm looking at you, SneakyPete). Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?

    At 02:29:49, SilverFox316 wrote:
    PS to SneakyPete: your Hitler paintings aren't worth anything, schmuck, since you probably brought them directly here from 1907, which means the paint's still fresh. Freaking n00b.

    At 07:55:03, BarracksRoomLawyer wrote:
    Amen, SilverFox316. Although, point of order, issues relating to early 1900s Vienna should really go in that forum, not here. This has been a recurring problem on this forum.

    11/26/2104
    At 18:26:18, Jason440953 wrote:
    SilverFox316, you seem to know a lot about the rules; what are your thoughts on traveling to, say, Braunau, Austria, in 1875 and killing Alois Hitler before he has a chance to father Adolf? Mind you, I'm asking out of curiosity alone, since I already went and did it.

    At 18:42:55, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Jason440953, see Bylaw 7, which states that all IATT rulings regarding historical persons apply to ancestors as well. I post this for the benefit of others, as I already made this clear to young Jason in person as I was dragging him back from 1875 by his hair. Got that? No ancestors. (Though if anyone were to go back to, say, Moline, Illinois, in, say, 2080 or so, and intercede to prevent Jason440953's conception, I could be persuaded to look the other way.)

    At 21:19:17, BarracksRoomLawyer wrote:
    Point of order: discussions of nineteenth–century Austria and twenty–first–century Illinois should be confined to their respective forums.

    12/01/2104
    At 15:56:41, AsianAvenger wrote:
    FreedomFighter69, JudgeDoom, SneakyPete, Jason440953, you're nothing but a pack of racists. Let the light of righteousness shine upon your squalid little viper's nest!

    At 16:40:17, BigTom44 wrote:
    Well, here we frickin' go.

    At 16:58:42, FreedomFighter69 wrote:
    Racist? For killing Hitler? WTF?

    At 17:12:52, SaucyAussie wrote:
    AsianAvenger, you're not rehashing that whole Nagasaki issue again, are you? We just got everyone calmed down from last time.

    At 17:22:37, LadyJustice wrote:
    I'm with SaucyAussie. AsianAvenger, you're making even less sense than usual. What gives?

    At 18:56:09, AsianAvenger wrote:
    What gives is everyone's repeated insistence on a course of action which, even if successful, would only save a few million Europeans. It would be no more trouble to travel to Fuyuanshui, China, in 1814 and kill Hong Xiuquan, thus preventing the Taiping Rebellion of the mid–nineteenth century and saving fifty million lives in the process. But, hey, what are fifty million yellow devils more or less, right, guys? We've got Poles and Frenchmen to worry about.

    At 19:01:38, LadyJustice wrote:
    Well, what's stopping you from killing him, AsianAvenger?

    At 19:11:43, AsianAvenger wrote:
    Only to have SilverFox316 undo my work? What's the point?

    At 19:59:23, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Actually, it seems like a pretty good idea to me, AsianAvenger. No complications that I can see.

    At 20:07:25, Big Chill wrote:
    Go for it, man.

    At 20:11:31, AsianAvenger wrote:
    Very well. I shall return in mere moments, the savior of millions!

    At 20:14:17, LadyJustice wrote:
    Just checked the timeline; congrats on your success, AsianAvenger!

    12/02/2104
    At 10:52:53, LadyJustice wrote:
    AsianAvenger?

    At 11:41:40, SilverFox316 wrote:
    AsianAvenger, we need your report, buddy.

    At 17:15:32, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Okay, apparently AsianAvenger was descended from Hong Xiuquan. Any volunteers to go back and stop him from negating his own existence?

    12/10/2104
    At 09:14:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
    Anyone?

    At 09:47:13, BarracksRoomLawyer wrote:
    Point of order: this discussion belongs in the Qing Dynasty forum. We're adults; can we keep sight of what's important around here?
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