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collegehumor.com — If your sex life was on the silver screen...

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  • fabiosir, on 06/25/2008, -6/+204The only thing missing was the woman freaking out about a stray glob.
    • moomincharlie, on 06/26/2008, -8/+66O.O a glob!?!

      I am a girl and that word is freaking me out just imagining what you are describing. ^_^
      • ptheroux, on 06/26/2008, -30/+6Obviously you are a girl who has never actually had sex.
        • iambiguous, on 06/26/2008, -1/+10Obviously sex not as gross as yours.


          Ew.
        • saisumimen, on 06/27/2008, -1/+3By "gross", you of course mean "normal".
        • GliTCH82, on 06/27/2008, -4/+3Yeah, I'm sure I speak for all Egyptians when I say we don't release anything from our penises in clumps. Maybe you should see a doctor? Ouch!
      • Zincyams, on 06/26/2008, -7/+78There are no girls on the internet.
      • badjoke, on 06/26/2008, -12/+7http://www.esreality.com/files/inlineimages/2008/6 ...
      • dunkyp, on 06/26/2008, -0/+34also she didn't get up at the end and dry herself off with a tissue.
      • fabiosir, on 06/26/2008, -1/+6Well, it's better than "dicksnot."
        • moomincharlie, on 06/26/2008, -4/+8Haha! True. You've just painted a *very* graphic image for me... one that may be with me for some time!
      • maniac4hire, on 06/26/2008, -9/+4You just know some dickbag is going to take a screenshot of this and post it saying "Look there are girls that use Digg!!!!"
      • RobotCitizen, on 06/27/2008, -2/+8ptherouxptheroux , perhaps it was your term for semen that grossed her out. Most women want a discussion of sex to have a little class. Next time uses terms like jizz, cum, spank, pearls, nut, man-milk, baby-batter, spunk, love butter, wad, facial cream, spooge or pecker paste.
        • Froderick, on 06/27/2008, -0/+0"Pecker Paste"... I'll have to remember that one.
    • benkraj, on 06/26/2008, -9/+5The stray what now?
    • enclaved, on 06/26/2008, -1/+43"The stray what now?"

      Ow, not in my eye!
      • graemee, on 06/26/2008, -19/+1That's not a stray. It's bukkake.
        • sexybobo, on 06/26/2008, -0/+17only if there is more than 1 guy.
        • slifty, on 06/26/2008, -2/+5Bukkake is an ancient japanese tradition
      • Tyrghast, on 06/26/2008, -3/+42kick her in the shins and you have successfully completed the Angry Pirate.
      • oveedrx, on 06/27/2008, -0/+6POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER
    • JettaMan, on 06/26/2008, -9/+1And queue Digg users to pretend they've had sex before.
      • learn2, on 06/26/2008, -1/+8you can tell he's a virgin by that comment ^^
    • ferkranus, on 06/26/2008, -1/+40I'm a girl and I think stray globs are one of life's great marvels...how the hell did it end up there?!...followed by awe, laughter and depending on the distance and/or amount, pride.
      • Darksider, on 06/26/2008, -1/+26Will you marry me?
      • moomincharlie, on 06/27/2008, -10/+5Dugg up for a) not being the only girl to notice and then post on the "glob" comment. And b) distance of stray glob... because distance also implies force/speed.

        /highfive

        ^_-
      • WebWorker, on 06/27/2008, -1/+1I usually get "awwww, look how cute!"
      • thevoiceless, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1No, me!
    • kokeru, on 08/14/2008, -0/+0free TV chanall http://www.hqtube.com/?8536000000
  • morocka, on 06/25/2008, -10/+610in real life he would have kept his socks on... :-)
    • feshmania, on 06/26/2008, -5/+85i think that socks on is nasty...it's like, you'll expose your entire self except for your toes?
      • unreg, on 06/26/2008, -1/+32Apparently ex-governor Spitzer was a socks on kind of guy
      • origamistars, on 06/26/2008, -3/+30The excuse I always hear is "but my toes are cold!" Followed up, fifteen minutes later, by "oh... hold on, I'm really warm now. (shuffle shuffle, toss socks across room) OK!"

        Guys are weird.
        • saisumimen, on 06/27/2008, -0/+10Yeah, it's almost as if body parts heat up during energy exertion.... nah, guys are craaaay-zee!
      • rjc5056, on 06/26/2008, -12/+3Agreed. Can't explain why it's so unsettling tho. I guess it comes down to at least trying to present yourself with some kind of pride in your appearance. Y'know, trying to look good for your partner. Socks are like the bits of white security sticker on the top and bottom of a new DVD/Game case that you can never seem to pull off without some remnants. Taking that extra second to pick off the remaining pieces is purely aesthetic... but why the hell not.
      • atticus8, on 06/26/2008, -2/+28Feet, being extremities, get cold easily. No part of the body should be lower than 98 degrees F (except, strangely, the male genitals, which typically remain very slightly cooler for purposes of sperm generation), so blood rushes to the feet to warm them when you don't have socks on to do the job for you. For males, this is problematic for two reasons:
        1) The blood going to the feet could be elsewhere it is needed, like the penis. It is a complete engorgement of the spongy, porous tissue in the penis with blood that makes the penis stand firm. You've probably noticed that men, while 'tough' in other respects, are sensitive about their penises, and do not wish to lower the probability, in any way, of having firm, long-lasting erections.
        2) When the blood goes down to the cold feet, it is dispersed by an enormous amount of capillaries to very near the skin. The blood cools down, because the heat from the blood flows to the colder, air-exposed skin tissue it is meant to heat up. The now-slightly-chillier blood then goes back through the body, where body warmth flows back into the slightly-cooler blood, thus warming the blood back up but cooling the entire body, including the penis. Are you familiar with what happens to an otherwise solidly erect penis when it is exposed to cold? It's never great for the erection.
        3) Finally, this is not directly related to the heating / cooling mechanism, but the Buddhists have a saying, "When the shoe fits, the foot is forgotten." That 'forgetting' lets you carry on intently with your actual 'business'. When you have sex, you want to be thinking about how great this whole sex-having thing is, or something to that effect... not "damn, my feet are so freakin' cold!"
        So, because of the reasons above, keeping the socks on, in its own small way, creates a harder, thicker, longer-lasting erection (for her) and a generally superior sexual experience (for him). I'm not sure why people would complain about this.
        • dislexicllama, on 06/26/2008, -0/+8Kudos.
        • aznpwnzor, on 06/26/2008, -1/+32and that is why there are few girls on digg
        • PolarBearCa, on 06/26/2008, -0/+3AKAIK, I have enough blood in my body to operate my brain, penis and keep my feet warm. I think most people do.

          Oh well, you've made a compelling argument. I'm wearing socks from now on. Especially when having sex in the shower. My feet get really cold in there.
        • atticus8, on 06/26/2008, -0/+3Polarbear, you are absolutely right. The human body can work fine, no doubt, with the horrible, terrible, unbearable malady of not having socks. I never claimed otherwise. But it is just as true a fact that the penis will work more effectively when allowed by the body to claim the most blood possible. Take Viagra and cocaine. The former: a vasodilater that increase blood flow in the body and, thus, also the penis. The latter: a vasoconstrictor which basically does the opposite of Viagra. So men get more help with erections with Viagra and get less from cocaine. Just another reason to avoid cocaine.
        • Mcdz, on 06/27/2008, -0/+0Word.
    • cobophers, on 06/26/2008, -22/+6One time at band camp I left my socks on...
    • EnderWiggin, on 06/26/2008, -0/+198That's why they're called business socks, ooh!
    • freezerburn666, on 06/26/2008, -3/+85i normally keep my socks on, and my shirt on, and my pants on... oh.. i guess i havn't been doing it right?
    • Crosshare, on 06/26/2008, -7/+2By he you mean she right?
    • ColorBlind, on 06/26/2008, -9/+2That's why they call them 'Business Socks' -
    • Jabertsohn, on 06/26/2008, -1/+25I hate leaving my socks on until last. I probably look so ridiculous, naked, clawing my socks off. :$
      • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -0/+36Shoes -> shirt -> pants -> socks -> underpants ( -> cowboy hat)

        • unfinity, on 06/26/2008, -0/+69What the hell are you doing taking off your cowboy hat?
        • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -1/+17That's why I put it between brackets. Have to take them off during oral though.
        • cm32438, on 06/26/2008, -0/+46"What the hell are you doing taking off your cowboy hat?"

          Gotta make room for the Wizard hat
        • mangasm, on 06/27/2008, -1/+3@cm32438 ... ***** lol
        • GliTCH82, on 06/27/2008, -0/+3Well, just make sure you don't get your brackets and parentheses confused while you're down there. Or, hell, go wild with that *****, some girls like it. Yee-haw!
    • gravylookout, on 06/26/2008, -4/+18Tired of being rejected by your wife or lover because of your boring plain black socks?! Now there's Thocks!!! Thocks combines the sexy allure of a woman's thong with the comfort and reliability of the gentleman's business sock.

      http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c392 ...

      "Thanks Thocks, for giving me the confidence to make love to my wife again!"
      • Amadeus2490, on 06/26/2008, -2/+4Thocks sound like something gay men from West Hollywood would commonly wear.
        "Tch, your thocks look FABULOUS!"
    • Zippo, on 06/26/2008, -0/+18I just take them off along with my pants at the same time. Is it that hard?
      • tech42er, on 06/27/2008, -0/+5"Is it that hard?"

        That's what she said!
    • bullhead2007, on 06/26/2008, -1/+5I hate socks. The first thing I do when I'm in my house is take my shoes and socks off. When having sex they're also the first things to come off. I know I may be an exception to the rule though.
    • Sheff, on 06/26/2008, -1/+1Ed Powers FTW!
    • tkhan456, on 06/26/2008, -0/+1hilariously true
    • rentmitchum, on 06/26/2008, -0/+1I tend to just wear flip-flops, but if I'm home long enough for sex to be a possibility my socks have been off since I walked in the door.
  • awesometastic1, on 06/25/2008, -58/+446realistic digger sex scene = masturbating to lesbian porn in mother's basement. ;-)
    • feshmania, on 06/26/2008, -39/+496is anyone tired of diggers stereotyping diggers as being incapable of obtaining sex?
      • BlackTye, on 06/26/2008, -22/+58Amen.
      • elhaf, on 06/26/2008, -26/+120No.
      • thedogfatherx, on 06/26/2008, -24/+99Nope.
      • dpcamp, on 06/26/2008, -23/+104Not really. No.
      • MasterPlayer, on 06/26/2008, -25/+88The truth hurts, don't it?
      • jattea, on 06/26/2008, -15/+151YES.

        Oh wait, I mean NO.
      • TheKingInYellow, on 06/26/2008, -1/+51i'm married with a kid on the way...so there.

        you just kind of expect that if a story involves sex that someone will stereotype diggers as virgins...it's like saying everyone on fark is an old dirty man/frat guy that will hit anything.
        • killtrocity, on 06/26/2008, -2/+52But you were probably married BEFORE you found digg...
        • Myonosken, on 06/26/2008, -2/+3Fark are that stereotype though...
        • soulkitchen, on 06/26/2008, -0/+7Your kid will bear an uncanny resemblance to the milk man...so there.
        • H1tchh1k3r, on 06/26/2008, -0/+7Name the kid after me.
        • UTPinky, on 06/27/2008, -0/+4So you adopted?
      • brstilson, on 06/26/2008, -1/+204I think the diggers incapable of obtaining sex like to think that everybody else on Digg has that problem so they don't feel so alone, so very alone.
      • kenedamick, on 06/26/2008, -12/+5No.
      • cheeselord, on 06/26/2008, -11/+5Not really... probably because its true for me...
      • MicroBerto, on 06/26/2008, -13/+6Hey buddy, this is a democratic website. Obviously the answer is 'no', the majority of people are not tired of it, because currently there are 51 more diggs than buries on that comment.

        If you don't like it, digg it down and start a bury brigade against the "layless stereotypers". Until you win, the masses will decide whether or not you can get laid!
      • Haroshia, on 06/26/2008, -3/+13I think the only people bothered by it would be those living the stereotype.

        • lodeswrath, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1what are you talkin about? im not bothered...

          damnit i typed that *****, didnt i

          :(
      • LoveAndSeagulls, on 06/26/2008, -1/+25No one cares because it's true, and if it isn't true, then you still shouldn't care 'cause you're getting laid.
        • aeoo, on 06/26/2008, -3/+9I get laid all the time and I don't like the stereotype. Why? Because I like diggers and when diggers are negatively stereotyping themselves into a corner, I feel their pain and I don't think they deserve it.
        • colto, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1I agree 100%!
      • Scira, on 06/26/2008, -3/+18is anyone tired of diggers stereotyping diggers as being capable of obtaining sex?
      • MorpheousMarty, on 06/26/2008, -1/+19I'm only tired of it when I'm incapable of obtaining sex.
      • quomen, on 06/26/2008, -4/+25Question: Can you get tired of any more cowbell?
        Answer: No.
      • adamjordanevans, on 06/26/2008, -6/+7no.. i think its funny!!!
      • Kajon, on 06/26/2008, -2/+4Don't kill the myth!
      • firebhaal, on 06/26/2008, -3/+3if you were secure with yourself why do you care, its just a community joke
        • aeoo, on 06/26/2008, -0/+4I like self-deprecating jokes when everyone in the room understands it's a joke and that the exact opposite is in fact true. But when people start taking jokes seriously and start to internalize those beliefs, it is no longer funny. I don't like seeing other people get hurt. So even if I don't have any wounds, I still care if others are going around cutting themselves.
      • fudged71, on 06/26/2008, -2/+6The origins of this stereotype date back to when it was a Tech site.
        It makes me nostalgic
        • AudioPhil3, on 06/26/2008, -0/+7:note: Most tech is way more interesting than girls aswel.
        • lodeswrath, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2true dat, audiophil
      • RobotCitizen, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1Digg usually is very unforgiving of tired, worn out jokes, yet this one persists with a free pass.
    • dudefaceguyman, on 06/26/2008, -4/+40Hm..

      Speaking of.. I'm gonna go get some hand lotion..For moisturizing my uh, hands..they're...dry....

      I'll be right back.
    • dkruta, on 06/26/2008, -1/+16I live above ground, thank you very much.
    • zaii7, on 06/26/2008, -1/+31back in my day scrambled playboy was all we had
      and we liked it!
    • ancalagon73, on 06/26/2008, -1/+23Excuse me, but I have my own basement thank you.
    • Misinformant, on 06/26/2008, -10/+31Wrong. Most diggers beat off to clips of Ron Paul speeches.

      Sad.
      • Dugout21, on 06/26/2008, -1/+10Sad, but true.
      • seraph582, on 06/26/2008, -12/+3"There is no greater threat to Israel or peace than Iran." - Barack Obama
      • tcpip4lyfe, on 06/27/2008, -1/+2You say that like it's a bad thing.
        • Misinformant, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2I wish it were merely bad. It's downright tragic and pathetic.

          Just like your "candidate" if you can even call him one.
        • tcpip4lyfe, on 06/27/2008, -1/+1Say's the Kucinich fan...
        • RufusMcCoot, on 06/27/2008, -1/+1maybe he's beating off to her wife?
    • Puffles, on 06/26/2008, -2/+25Not me.

      I'm in my father's basement.
    • Induane, on 06/26/2008, -4/+3Don't you think you're giving most diggers way too much credit?
    • dn11, on 06/26/2008, -2/+14most original joke I've ever seen on digg, I would never expect such a joke on a thread relating to a story which mentions sex on digg, never.
    • wedges, on 06/26/2008, -4/+11meh... lesbians are boring.
    • rednaxela825, on 06/26/2008, -1/+2You sound like you know what your talking about.
      Dugg.
    • Llanowar, on 06/27/2008, -1/+2So not true! I only masturbate to naruto gay furry fan fiction!
    • speakafreaka, on 06/27/2008, -1/+1http://www.agingfabulous.com/wp-content/uploads/20 ...
    • Crisender111, on 06/27/2008, -1/+1This thing about Diggers is getting unfunny. Buried & shall be buried henceforth.
  • knownoob, on 06/26/2008, -19/+207Not realistic for these reasons:

    1) They were alone in a cabin somewhere. The best off they would be is alone in a hotel somewhere.
    2) The rose petals. Any guy that does that for a girl is trying to buyback some blackmail she has on him.

    Realistic for this reason:

    1) In a Hollywood sex scene, a guy that is not expecting a hot girl to return does magically have rose petals on his bed.
    • Evie1851, on 06/26/2008, -47/+5Not realistic for THIS reason:
      any man who actually puts rose petals on his bed is kinda gay, and it would have been a dude at the door.

      lol @ knownoob for the blackmail comment
      • nullx42, on 06/26/2008, -2/+14Psh, I masturbate with rose pettels on my keyboard, im not gay.
        • rentmitchum, on 06/26/2008, -0/+4Psh.. I have sex with rose petals and I'm not gay.

          (hot stamen love)
        • Evie1851, on 06/26/2008, -2/+1LOL well well. My profound apologies! :P

          And lol@ -38 diggs. I have offended many many rose petal scattering men.....
    • ahmedb07, on 06/26/2008, -7/+1OGC
    • MiDri, on 06/26/2008, -0/+17I don't know what you're talking about, I always keep rose petals on my bed. They're fragrant and soft!
  • badwithcomputer, on 06/26/2008, -8/+149aim for the towel
  • bking, on 06/26/2008, -1/+217What happened to the unfortunate (but common) "slip n' crimp" when she was on top?
    • Tourniquet, on 06/26/2008, -2/+48I hate when that happens.
    • wanderingsun, on 06/26/2008, -3/+162I'm guilty of crushing (bending it in half) once or twice...

      Sorry from all the women - I'm sure that's less than comfortable.
      • Cerialthriller, on 06/26/2008, -4/+126from all the men - im sorry when it accidentally slips in the back door. im sure thats less then comfortable for you.
        • Marijuana, on 06/26/2008, -4/+66If only it was accidental ;)
        • nullx42, on 06/26/2008, -17/+5All the men minus me. I'm an ass man ;D
        • Cloud7654, on 06/26/2008, -7/+3You are an ass nullx42, now wipe your mouth. That's disgusting, I don't wanna see that *****.
        • jinnie, on 06/27/2008, -1/+9that "accident" is never an accident.
      • Eidi, on 06/26/2008, -0/+17Just thinking about that is painful...
      • Sheff, on 06/26/2008, -2/+32Ladies, if you don't hear a pop or a snap then we can keep going most of the time, but if you stop and say, "Are you okay?" then that takes us out of the mood and kills the wood.

        Believe us, if we have to stop, we will stop.
      • silverlinkx2, on 06/26/2008, -12/+2whore
      • louiegirl1, on 06/27/2008, -1/+2Oh god i apologize with wanderingsun for all the women too. i wince just thinking about the pain the guy goes through. but yea..that usually never stops me :-)
    • directrix13, on 06/26/2008, -1/+84As was stated in the video when she was on top "don't crush my penis, don't crush my penis, don't crush my penis"
    • leerayIG88, on 06/26/2008, -4/+31what the hell is 'slip n' crimp' ?
    • megamod, on 06/26/2008, -5/+4I heard of a guy going to the hospital once because of that. At first they kept on going bc his Penis was swollen and extra plump but then when it became blue like a smurf they suspected something was up.
      • Myonosken, on 06/27/2008, -0/+7Oh gee, thanks. Now I'm down to just oral and missionary. Fear is slowly cutting down my list :(
      • Nappuccino, on 06/27/2008, -1/+2"when it became blue like a smurf they suspected something was up."

        Something other than his penis?
  • AEastep, on 06/26/2008, -12/+485don't crush my penis, don't crush my penis, don't crush my penis
  • sinisa10, on 06/26/2008, -9/+54That's awesome! "I feel like your grandma is watching us". This video made my day!
    • feshmania, on 06/26/2008, -2/+70friend, if this made your day, i suggest you venture outside.
    • notanidiot, on 06/26/2008, -1/+6I always let my grandma watch me and my girl. Adds to the excitement.
    • Sheff, on 06/26/2008, -1/+8Grandma helps it last longer.
  • smartkuz, on 06/26/2008, -3/+58the only other reality Hollywood manages to miss is a little game called "just the tip"...
  • Gillos, on 06/26/2008, -31/+939OMG! That is so true! That is just like the sex I have in real life... with my girlfriend... when we have sex... when we... we...

    OH GOD I'M A VIRGIN! I can't keep up this lie any more........... *sob*
    • houndeyex, on 06/26/2008, -3/+186...sandbags?
      • LostnTransition, on 06/26/2008, -2/+37"You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them! "
        • Scr4tchFury, on 06/27/2008, -2/+21Stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.
        • BestJaxx, on 06/27/2008, -5/+1...gay?
        • LostnTransition, on 06/28/2008, -0/+1@ Scr4tchFury

          Sometimes you just gotta take the pussy like pepe.
    • antiorblkflag9, on 06/26/2008, -3/+41It's okay. Jill will be waiting when you get home.
    • KnutTheBear, on 06/26/2008, -3/+34Nice execution.
      • Darksider, on 06/26/2008, -1/+13Sexecution
      • rednaxela825, on 06/26/2008, -0/+1Dugg just because there was a sketch about Knut The Bear on Conan last night.
      • Keimatsu, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1That's what she said.
    • damntourists, on 06/26/2008, -54/+1wow, that sucks. what reason do you have for telling the world about your lack of action, are you just looking for pitty?
      • Anoobis, on 06/26/2008, -3/+18what? Its more of a joke than a confession. May be true but it doesn't matter either way - still funny.
      • thomash, on 06/26/2008, -2/+11you are stupid
      • PoonGnarfler, on 06/26/2008, -1/+5Uh oh! Apparently damntourists forgot that a comment can be sarcastic without the /sarcasm tag.
        • damntourists, on 06/26/2008, -2/+1oh, excuse me for being so digg -*****- illiterate. i just hate how people can just spew their personal problems and expect us to be like, "aw poor you, you don't get laid, because you're too much of a ***** nerd." how the hell am i supposed to interpret his candor through text, without an identifier of context like "/sarcasm?" how do you know i wasn't being sarcastic back?
        • africanboy23, on 06/27/2008, -0/+0cos you silly =D
        • PoonGnarfler, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2I actually didn't know, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt and hoping that you weren't being sarcastic, as that would've been terrible sarcasm. And oh, by the way, I think you can figure out that someone isn't being serious when they *sob* over the internet.
      • Hangly, on 06/26/2008, -1/+2"pity" you *****.
        • damntourists, on 06/26/2008, -2/+1"pity," you *****.

          you forgot a comma, smart guy.
    • Kajon, on 06/26/2008, -16/+2Sorry. But no worry.

      Even if you have had it life would still only be a meaningless hunt to experience it again.
      The memory of pleasure is strong but the way of getting it is so unclear...
      The desperation sets in and girls can feel it.. staying far away from your desperate thoughts...
      You would soon judge yourself as a loser when you don't meet any girls for a couple of months...or years...
      Sex will become a myth... a faint memory which cause a constant pain in the back of your head...
      In short... life sucks. But it's all we got.
      Take comfort in hobbies and friends. Sex is probably the best thing in life... but it's to unpredictable to be accounted for.

      Oh.. And I guess "you" and "your" should be exchanged by "I" and "my" in the text above.
      • Hangly, on 06/26/2008, -0/+4I don't find the hunt meaningless at all.
      • rentmitchum, on 06/26/2008, -0/+5Wow.. you turned funny into sad. You should start some sort of religion.
  • CherrySmith123, on 06/26/2008, -13/+1lol geeza louisa
  • WCL23, on 06/26/2008, -24/+6This is only realistic if everyone is bad at sex.
    • badjoke, on 06/26/2008, -0/+18One day, when you try it, you'll realize sex is not like porn.
  • cobophers, on 06/26/2008, -9/+575Ahh yeah, that’s right baby
    Girl, tonight we're gonna make love
    You know how I know baby?
    Cuz its Wednesday, and Wednesday night is the night that we make love.
    Tuesday night is the night that we go and visit your mother, but
    Wednesday night is the night that we make love.
    Cuz everything is just right, conditions are perfect.
    There's nothing good on TV, conditions are perfect.
    You lean in close and say something sexy like " I might go to bed I've
    got work in the morning." I know what you're trying to say baby.
    You're tryin to say "Ooh yeah, it's business time, it's business time."
    • bigmuffpi, on 06/26/2008, -1/+118Dug for the love of New Zealand's fourth most popular pop parody duo!!
      • British0zzy, on 06/26/2008, -0/+20they're the fourth most popular folk parody duo
        • bigmuffpi, on 06/26/2008, -0/+3oh that's it! I couldn't remember if it was folk or pop, thanks.
          although they're so much more pop and RnB than folk..
    • mrloco, on 06/26/2008, -2/+173Oh.
      Ooh, makin love.
      Makin love for two.
      Makin love for two minutes.
      When it's with me you only need two minutes, 'cause I'm so intense. Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven. You say something like, 'Is that it?' I know what you're trying to say. You're trying to say, 'Aww yeah, that's it.' Then you tell me you want some more. Well I'm not surprised. But I'm quite sleepy.
    • SineCurve, on 06/26/2008, -3/+56Next thing you know, I`m down to just my socks and you know when I`m down to just my socks what time it is...
      It`s time for business. It`s business time.
      It`s business.
      It`s business time.
      You know when I`m down to just my socks it`s time for business that`s why they call it business socks.

      Lol, FC rules, for sure... :)
    • D4r7h3v1l, on 06/26/2008, -0/+60TEAM BUILDIN' EXERCISE '99!
    • Lutremi, on 06/26/2008, -0/+20I'M SO INTENSE
    • rekab69, on 06/26/2008, -0/+7Sweet Weekly Love!!!!!
    • thomash, on 06/26/2008, -17/+2just because it vaguely fits in here

      I saw a girl in the crowd
      I went over, I shouted out
      I asked if I could take her out
      But she said that she didn't want to

      I changed the sheets on my bed
      I combed the hairs across my head
      I sucked in my gut and still she said
      That she just didn't want to

      I read her Eliot, I read her Yates
      I tried my best to stay up late
      I fixed the hinges on her gate
      But still she just never wanted to

      I bought her a dozen snow white doves
      I did her dishes in rubber gloves
      I called her Honeybee, I called her love
      But she just still didn't want to
      She just never wants to
      DAMN!

      I sent her every type of flower
      I played her a guitar by the hour
      I petted her revolting little Chihuahua
      But still she just didn't want to

      I wrote a song with a hundred lines
      I picked a bunch of dandelions
      I walked her through the trembling pines
      But she just even then didn't want to
      She just never wants to

      I thought I'd try another tact
      I drank a litre of Cognac
      I threw her down upon her back
      But she just laughed and said she just didn't want to

      I thought I'd have another go
      I called her my little ho
      I felt like Marcel Marceau must feel
      But she said she just never wanted to
      She just didn't want to

      I've got the No Pussy Blues
      I've got the No Pussy Blues
      I've got the No Pussy Blues!
      DAMN!

      No Pussy Blues
      I've got the No Pussy Blues
      I've got the No Pussy Blues
      I've got the No Pussy Blues

      DAMN!
      DAMN!
    • mrm3x1can, on 06/26/2008, -6/+11sorry, its my first day on the internets, but wtf does all of this refer to?
      • valrus, on 06/26/2008, -1/+22Flight of the Conchords, a "folk-parody" band from New Zealand, and their song "Business Time." YouTube it, you'll be glad you did.
      • Futurejunior, on 06/27/2008, -3/+4If this is your "first day on the internets" how did you join digg last December?
        • Nappuccino, on 06/27/2008, -1/+5He joined in the past from the future in the present.
    • thelock65, on 06/27/2008, -0/+3You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business that's why they call them business socks, ew!
    • drgmdp, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1i can't stop reading that with barry white's voice in my mind
    • TangTKE402, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2Business Hours are Over
  • ran24, on 06/26/2008, -16/+131my favorite was when he was all "I'm losing my boner" Seems impossible while sexings is happening but it does sometimes :(
    • SAc0balt, on 06/26/2008, -90/+8Maybe you're just gay.
      • dagnabbit, on 06/26/2008, -2/+93Spoken like a true virgin.
      • Jeremyz0r, on 06/26/2008, -6/+3I lost it to a fat girl, but never once has my penis had down syndrome with a guy.
    • BitKid, on 06/26/2008, -3/+126Asking a girl to do "sexings" is guaranteed not to get you laid.
  • adam07, on 06/26/2008, -2/+193Oh god that was painfully realistic...
    • theliamburns1, on 06/26/2008, -1/+49It was only missing the dog. Staring.....

      He knows..
      • iddybiddy, on 06/26/2008, -0/+20and clearing the throat of pubic hair
      • lisaawesome, on 06/26/2008, -0/+10Or when the cat jumps up on the bed.
      • Sheff, on 06/26/2008, -0/+12Your dog does that too? Mine eventually stopped, but that was creepy for a while.
        • PoonGnarfler, on 06/26/2008, -0/+11Its like they're just biding their time...
          waiting...
          waiting...
      • joot2112, on 06/27/2008, -0/+3don't forget: cat-us-interruptus.
  • diggB, on 06/26/2008, -8/+59Gonna make you happy tonight ...

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=wSqFqhUzutg
    • Evie1851, on 06/26/2008, -1/+6Dugg because that video is ***** hilarious. I saw this a while ago. It's so sad because it's kind of realistic lol.
    • IanPR, on 06/26/2008, -1/+4Why are people burying this?
      Its quite funny.
    • laserdog, on 06/26/2008, -0/+10It does take awhile to get good.

      Could be impatient people. =)
      • tech42er, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2On my Digg? It's more likely than you think!
    • Fighter2a, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2I've been looking for this video off and on forever. I knew someone would link to it in here, thanks.
  • VelvetHammer, on 06/26/2008, -25/+4...and yet again, I HATE College Humor and it's craptacular video player.
    • Maver1c, on 06/26/2008, -0/+6? i really like their player. one of the best as far as flash-based players go (and their original videos are shot on nice cameras in widescreen, something youtube could learn from..)
  • RKnight, on 06/26/2008, -5/+84I loved it when she didn't like where he was staring.
    • quomen, on 06/26/2008, -0/+18I love it when you make me smile.
      • ForebodenOdin, on 06/26/2008, -0/+32lolwut?
      • XenoSNK, on 06/26/2008, -0/+31Agreed. That's ***** awkward.
      • birdman14, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1i still dont know where to look, look at her and its akward, close ur eyes she says ur imagining someone FML (***** my life)
    • Snake777, on 06/27/2008, -1/+1You make me smile and I love it.
  • charlesroper, on 06/26/2008, -15/+7OGC
  • BulletsforRingo, on 06/26/2008, -9/+10Monster's Ball anyone? I almost felt guilty while watching Halle Berry getting pulverized by Billy Bob Thornton.
    • savagesteve13, on 06/26/2008, -1/+31Leave Halle Berry alone, she just wanted to feeeeel gooooood!! I didn't appreciate the director's insistence that I see Billy Bob's scrotum. What has been seen cannot be unseen...
    • Epik, on 06/26/2008, -3/+3Belluci, Irreversible: http://www.sumo.tv/watch.php?video=3581051
    • airstrike, on 06/26/2008, -0/+4ass to ass, requiem for a dream. my parents walked into the house right on that scene.. talk about embarrassment..

      haven't got a link, though :/
  • maddy55, on 06/26/2008, -11/+4why do my sessions always look like this
    • crazyjake, on 06/26/2008, -1/+16sessions?

      oh... you pay for sex, don't you?
    • Dobby156, on 06/26/2008, -4/+1"sessions"
      niiiccccccceeee
  • elhaf, on 06/26/2008, -2/+62I really have nothing to add for fear of being too truthful.
  • btschul, on 06/26/2008, -2/+20Sex isn't movie magic?
    • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -2/+1Killing bad guys, on the other hand, IS movie magic. Trust me, I'm a secret agent.
  • imapluralist, on 06/26/2008, -4/+9087% of my sexual encounters just described.
  • daxsymbiont, on 06/26/2008, -18/+3what does hollywood have to do with it, it's just a funny clip.

    ***** hollywood.
  • punx, on 06/26/2008, -4/+13Ok that was pretty funny, and awkward is normal sometimes, but damn! If all that had happened in one session, that would really suck. I hope something like that never actually happened to someone.
  • lybrel, on 06/26/2008, -9/+4hot girl :D
  • RagnabroK, on 06/26/2008, -3/+220They forgot about the guy getting his elbow/hand on her hair, thus pulling it.
    • unreg, on 06/26/2008, -2/+65No feeble attempt by the guy to get her to perform oral
      • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -1/+6Hahaha yeah man I was thinking the same. "Sooooo..... do you like giving blowjobs?"
      • thecoolestguy, on 06/27/2008, -0/+6"Just lick it a little bit"
    • Ottogustavo, on 06/26/2008, -1/+2Haha, too true!
    • imbob, on 06/26/2008, -4/+3damn.................... thank you now i just got bad flash backs.......

      ohhhhhh I'M NOT A VIRGIN YAY^^
    • monka, on 06/27/2008, -1/+2oh god im a young virgin pursuing a girl with long beautiful hair and just realized how much that part of it is gonna suck
      • DemonWasp, on 06/27/2008, -0/+3Just wait until she gets on top of you...and you get a lot of stray hair ends in the face. Very distracting when your entire face is being tickled by her head-full of hair.
  • annjay, on 06/26/2008, -7/+1hot
  • tzilla12, on 06/26/2008, -2/+84They hate when you end it like in the porn flicks.
    • PosedMagnet, on 06/26/2008, -10/+4What kinda prudes are YOU dating?
    • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -9/+4Not all of "them" hate it. Some actually like porn-like sex.
      • tzilla12, on 06/26/2008, -1/+11ok, that's a lie.
        • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -7/+3I've had a girl ask me to do her anal. I've had another girl asking me to slap her ass. A friend of mine had this girl who first asked to do her anal and later asked him to cum (come?) on her face. A girl I know likes getting cum on different parts of her body and was actually bragging about this to me, reciting all the spots.

          I'm not saying these are the kind of girls you want to be with, but these girls liking their sex porn-style do exist.
        • itsthebrod, on 06/26/2008, -1/+14@cheeseplease

          Unfortunately they were all fat, weren't they? Fat chicks are into porn because they too have trouble getting laid.
        • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -1/+9@itsthebrod

          Well the one with the ass slapping had a bit of a belly, shouldn't have done it but I was just incredibly horny. The anal one was a hottie though. Best girl I've ever had. For those who haven't had anal sex: even though it might look awesome in porn, it's really not that nice. It takes ages to get in, the girl wants you to stop all the time because of pain, there's poop involved and worst of all you have to maneuver into a really difficult position to be able to enter in the regular from behind way (like half kneeling down, you need really strong legs to be able to maintain the position for some time).

          So much for making the digg comments NSFW :)
        • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -3/+3I got kind of carried away telling my anal story, but truth is I think pretty girls are more into porn-style sex than ugly girls are. I don't have any scientific research to back that one up though.
        • Snokage, on 06/26/2008, -10/+2what a load of *****....if any girl asked me to do her anal...i think i would leave.....that girls a hoe!...hopes your herpes treating you good
        • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -1/+2She was my ex-girlfriend and definitely not a whore. She wanted to try it so she asked me. It's not like guys are the only ones wanting to have sex and experiment with it. Girls are pretty much the same, it's just that they have to feel comfortable (or really horny) first.

          And yes, all girls who want to try anal have herpes. /s
    • Snokage, on 06/26/2008, -2/+19yeah....wtf....i know i had my chance of blastin off on a face...but its harder then it looks.
      • cwmather, on 06/26/2008, -2/+99Tell me about it. It usually ends up on the ground or in her retina. You can't control the flow like you can with urine. Now urine is easy to get directly in the mou--- I mean.... uh.... Who's thirsty?
        • tzilla12, on 06/26/2008, -2/+38don't bury this! ITS FUNNY AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!
        • c4sh, on 06/26/2008, -2/+12that's awful...dugg.
        • IllBeBack, on 06/26/2008, -0/+31There's nothing I like more than for my wife to blast me in the mouth with pee.

          Wait, did I just type that with my "outside" fingers?

          Delete Delete Delete!!!
        • tocsy, on 06/26/2008, -1/+36You are all sick, sick *****.





          ...I've finally found a home.
        • Hangly, on 06/26/2008, -0/+4***** you no I'm not thirsty!

          Or am I?
      • atticus8, on 06/26/2008, -0/+14You know, the thing I find way harder than aiming the thing is the knock against my wildly-off-the-mark expectations when I notice that my output falls far short of the Niagara Falls jets that I see in videos.
        Don't get me wrong, orgasming is great and I'm always lucky and appreciative when that gets to be on a girl's anything, but it is a quite anti-climatic (and embarrassing) end to the climax when you open your eyes after its done and you look down and go, with a nervous laugh, "Oh, woops, I was supposed to hit your face, but I guess I missed" and the girl says "No, you didn't. See? It's this TEENY, TINY, ITTY-BITTY drop right here. It's easy to miss. Do you have a quarter of a cotton ball or a single toilet paper tissue so I can wipe it off?"
        • cwmather, on 06/26/2008, -0/+14You close your eyes!?

          NEVER CLOSE YOUR EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • aelias, on 06/26/2008, -2/+38Bang a 19yo. They expect it.
    • Abennobashi, on 06/26/2008, -0/+1BLT FTW!
    • TheWorm, on 06/26/2008, -4/+2Is it just me or is "ending it like in the porn flicks" not as much fun as it looks.
  • FrogKermit, on 06/26/2008, -1/+22Theres a movie in theaters in Canada right now that got mad props at the Toronto International Film Festival; called "Young People *****", pretty much same idea.
    • cheeseplease, on 06/26/2008, -5/+2I love those kinds of movies that are both interesting/funny and jerk material.
    • BestJaxx, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1I know, they keep advertising it after Zero Punctuation videos.
    • tech42er, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1Why don't they have a seat over there?
  • Parastie, on 06/26/2008, -5/+39What about when someone cracks there head on the headboard?
  • sweetweb, on 06/26/2008, -14/+4The only thing i can identify with that movie is the girl was wearing heels during sex ;)
  • davidg11, on 06/26/2008, -3/+25Where's the hidden camera in my house? GET IT OUT!
  • balilanai, on 06/26/2008, -5/+123I wonder how many diggers know how close to reality this is. Not all things happen every time but if you claim not to have experienced this you have never had regular sex and you are lying.
    • cowisgood, on 06/26/2008, -6/+7I think the Digg members are much older/experienced than the community assumes.
      Everyone I know who uses Digg is at least 19 and have certainly had sex, and I know quite a few.

      Edit: I just rugabug's post below. Well, I'm dumb then.
    • thehuntedpossum, on 06/26/2008, -1/+9"I've lost it" :(

      btw, she definitely should have used her mouth to get it back up, not her hand, lol.
    • PabloIV, on 06/26/2008, -2/+2This ***** happens but it isn't regular or every day. If every sexual encounter I had went like that I'd probably not have sex.
    • mhuggins, on 06/26/2008, -2/+25Who's ever finished on a towel like that? wtf?
      • AudioPhil3, on 06/26/2008, -0/+8Don't forget your towwwwl
      • FelixA9, on 06/27/2008, -4/+0Christ. The towel is so you don't get cum on the blankets.
      • greedyemu, on 06/28/2008, -0/+0No kidding. In an orifice or not at all.
    • rnelsonee, on 06/26/2008, -0/+10Yeah, one of these things will happen every time. And there's more they missed. They could make a sequel where

      - You make that weird sound when your stomachs press against one another
      - Her necklace dangles and gets in the way
      - It just randomly slips out
      - You think the condom might have broken, but you're not sure, so you have to check
      - She makes too much noise so you have to use pillows to not wake up roommates/neighbors
      - You can't decide if it's a 'make love' session or just a ***** session. You switch halfway through because ***** is just easier.

      And that's just if you know the girl. Otherwise, there's all sorts of weirdness/confusion, like if she spits/swallows, how much notification she needs, if kissing after certain acts is yay or nay... etc.
      • joot2112, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1I laughed spaghetti out of my mouth 3 times while reading your post. Thanks...
    • tnoy, on 06/27/2008, -0/+3This is completely unrealistic.

      At no point did he have to pay her.
    • louiegirl1, on 06/27/2008, -0/+0I'm pretty sure that reality sex for us 19/20 year old diggers starts with "wait...no...flip over the condom, you're putting it on inside out..."
  • Xcrion, on 06/26/2008, -12/+4OGC OGC OGC
  • microview2007, on 06/26/2008, -2/+66She's spotting, Yea! Go earn your red wings.
    • johndavidjack, on 06/26/2008, -18/+7No, I'll take the red beard...
      • lordewoks, on 06/26/2008, -3/+17This was the first comment ever on Digg to make me frown :(
      • theliamburns1, on 06/26/2008, -2/+13Ooo my that is the nastiest thing i've ever heard
      • johndavidjack, on 06/26/2008, -1/+5I'm sure you could find things waaaay nastier than that...

        Church of Fudge... google that, then un-bury me...
    • thehuntedpossum, on 06/26/2008, -2/+8Go for the glory hole instead!
    • AudioPhil3, on 06/26/2008, -0/+1Hot Sauce!
    • directedition, on 06/26/2008, -0/+17It's best when you go at with the lights off and she neglects to tell you she's spotting. You turn on the lights to head to the bathroom and "OMG MY PENIS IS BLEEDING!" Scariest feeling in the world.

      Actually, using shampoo as lube when flying solo and forgetting to rinse it off is. The next few painful days are spent wondering if it's going to stay attached.
    • ceredron, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2EW. HOLY ***** ***** EW.

      that happened once...

      And that's all folks.
    • ScottMitchell, on 06/27/2008, -3/+5When the river runs read, take the brown road instead.
    • FelixA9, on 06/27/2008, -0/+0Could be worse. Son walks in the door,
      Dad: "Did you get in a fight?"
      Son: "Uhhhh no, why?"
    • freshgrease, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1What's he gonna do? Refuse?
  • fLUx1337, on 06/26/2008, -1/+22If they taught pornstars how to act, who would need any other movies?!
    • AudioPhil3, on 06/26/2008, -0/+4Alien -vs- Pedalien -vs- Jenna Jameson 8 ?
    • directedition, on 06/26/2008, -0/+3Ever seen 'Pirates!'? That's why we need other movies.

      What I really want to see is a porno directed by Steven Spielberg.
  • rugabug, on 06/26/2008, -6/+220Up until a week and a half ago none of this would have made much sense.
  • totorototoro, on 06/26/2008, -4/+26Did she demand payment upfront, or did he leave the money on the bedstand after?
    • Sheff, on 06/26/2008, -0/+2"Your money is on the dresser, Chocolate."
  • zaii7, on 06/26/2008, -3/+1bullseye!
  • NYCPALADIN, on 06/26/2008, -1/+28This was painfully truthful.

    How long has it been? Can I finish? --Classic
    • bodies_collide, on 06/26/2008, -0/+3uh, three minutes...aim for the towel
  • tomlasusa, on 06/26/2008, -2/+24For added realism they should have thrown in his little kid from his recent divorce coming into the room and awkwardly interrupting the moment.

    Because that never happens in real life. Nope.

    (Note to self: When kids are in bed, lock their god-damn bedroom door.)
    • thehuntedpossum, on 06/26/2008, -3/+2oh, that's just ***** up. you and your son have my sympathy.
    • drmangrum, on 06/26/2008, -0/+11Or better yet, the dog staring at you from the foot of the bed...and then licking your feet.
    • KlogereEndGrim, on 06/26/2008, -4/+2Lol u cant look kids in their rooms, that imprisonment you *****.

      Lock your own door.
    • Nudar, on 06/27/2008, -1/+1Seriously. Why don't you lock your own door? How many people have bedrooms that they can lock people in from the outside?
    • tomlasusa, on 06/27/2008, -0/+2Folks, let me introduce you to something called a joke?

      Christ, I'm not even divorced (sorry for the confusion huntedpossum).

  • kucing, on 06/26/2008, -9/+45Inaccurate.
    3 minutes is too long.
    • Glenk, on 06/26/2008, -3/+2Well, actually the ideal time for intercourse is 3-11 minutes if I remember correctly. Anywhere within that "magic" timezone should be considered normal. So it's actually really realistic!
  • JohnnyRad, on 06/26/2008, -2/+156"can you move over a little, i feel like its too hot to spoon right now."
    amen!
    • RGSPro, on 06/26/2008, -5/+25Yeah seriously- its all hot and sweaty and i can't breathe. Actually, just get up and make me a sandwich.
    • PricklyPoo, on 06/26/2008, -4/+2Lol I usually just get up too, she gets all mad and wants to cudle but once I'm done, thats it, I'm out of there haha.

      I hate feeling all hot, like I am suffocating.
      • phibit, on 06/27/2008, -0/+4Maybe she's trying to suffocate you...
    • douch3mom, on 06/26/2008, -0/+6with some bacon and cheetos
    • baudbwoy, on 06/26/2008, -0/+4i thought I was the only that said that.
  • Puppetfunk, on 06/26/2008, -9/+2Got me going ;]
  • gothelium, on 06/26/2008, -12/+2That was all worse than most of the sex I've ever had...
  • SGIsus, on 06/26/2008, -9/+43my god she was hot.
  • chiliwilli, on 06/26/2008, -2/+92did she queef?
    • mparker7410, on 06/26/2008, -14/+8Is that the proper spelling? Queef? Qweef? Qwefe? Kweef? Kweif?
    • thehuntedpossum, on 06/26/2008, -20/+17for some sick reason it happens to turn me on when it happens to my ladies.
    • learn2, on 06/26/2008, -0/+49that almost always happens after certain positions.
    • mhuggins, on 06/26/2008, -1/+15I thought she farted, but that would make sense too. Unless they're doing it in the butt.
      • sickanimations, on 06/26/2008, -1/+15You could have been raped. In the butt!
      • SwedishNinja, on 06/26/2008, -2/+7Do chicks fart when you blast them in the ass?
        • redrum781, on 06/27/2008, -2/+3dugg for "blast them in the ass"
        • mhuggins, on 06/27/2008, -0/+1They can.....err, that's what I hear, I mean...... *cough*
      • vickers500, on 07/01/2008, -0/+1What what?
    • renagadex2, on 06/27/2008, -0/+11From urbandictionary:

      "Air expulsion from the vaginal area usually after sex. In the eighteenth century, it was common practice for small groups of well-to-do Southern women to each lift up their corsets and "queef" at their leisure on warm, summer afternoons. Typically performed on balconies or porches, these women would insert various large objects in their TOOTS and slowly pull them out to create the desired sound. These "porch parties" would provide hours of fun for the ladies while the men were away, and, from a practical standpoint, at times, enough air circulation as a respite from the brutal summer heat. Small wagers were often placed with the winner going to longest continuous queef, highest pitch, lowest pitch, smelliest, and wettest. There was also the queef sing-a-long; and a special prize was given to any women whose queef could attract wildlife. "
  • CalmBlueOcean, on 06/26/2008, -10/+5College Humor hits another one out of the park! Well done!
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